


How I Met You

by moodwriter



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-15
Updated: 2012-04-15
Packaged: 2017-11-03 17:14:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 25
Words: 70,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/383908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moodwriter/pseuds/moodwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam has done something stupid, and the whole school laughs at him. Tommy has just moved to San Diego with his parents, and he chooses the outcast over popularity because that's just his way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Betaed by the lovely aislinn (a few chapters in between aren't betaed and all the mistakes that can be found are still very much mine). It took me four months to write this story. Now that it's finished I'm a little lost. <3
> 
> This was vegas1024's prompt a long long time ago (May 2011): _College and HS AUs are my fav! But that's all I got lol._ So I chose to try this, and fell in love with HS AU. :)

It was easy to spot the ginger-headed boy because he was taller than anyone else, and because he tried not to be. He was like a puppy, and Tommy didn't like it when people kicked puppies. He had an overly developed sense of justice, and he always opened his mouth. It was a stupid mouth because it tended to say things that made people feel stupid, and that usually got them even more angry. 

It was his first day at school, and he was already about to fight. They'd left Burbank, LA because of this one minor incident at his last school. He might have tied someone to a lamppost. Maybe. 

They were pushing the ginger-haired guy around, not in a way that got the attention of the teachers, but in a subtle way, like picking up his juice and spitting on it so the teachers couldn't see. 

The cafeteria was big and noisy and typical. The ceiling was low, and his claustrophobia wanted to raise its head. He just ignored it, looking for an opening. Some of the bullies were girls, and no matter how angry he got he never hit girls. 

They acted like they were his friends, all gathered around the same table, laughing, telling jokes, but the joke was always on him. They slapped the back of his head a little too hard, but not too hard to make it violent, just this side of painful. And they had surrounded him, and they were loud, and they were laughing at him. 

Finally the guy got up without having eaten much, and he smiled at them, saying something about skipping PE. He just took it, and walked away. 

Tommy followed him because what the hell was he doing? You didn't let people treat you like that. He sped up because the guy had pretty damn long legs - and he was apparently running to the bathroom. Tommy stopped, watching the closed door. What was _he_ doing? He always got himself mixed up with the stupidest things. His mom was right. He should just sit tight, study, and not even breathe in a wrong way. Yet, here he was again, trying to do the right thing. 

He opened the door to the bathroom, listening carefully. All but one of the stall doors were open, and sneakers were peeking from under the closed door. Was he sobbing? Smoking pot? What? Tommy sneaked closer, then almost had a heart attack because the guy said, "I saw you, okay. I know you're there."

Well, well, not blind or stupid. He didn't answer quick enough so the boy continued: "What do you want? I'm not in the mood for anything."

"Why do you let them treat you like that?" That was not what he meant to say, but it was out now. Nothing he could do about it. He went to lean against one of the sinks that were surprisingly clean. The whole place was. His last school had been such a hell hole. 

There was a sigh, then, "I don't _let_ them do anything. They'll do it whether I want it or not."

"Who's their leader?" he asked casually, kicking the floor with his toes. 

"Their leader? What have you been smoking? It's high school, you moron."

Tommy wasn't so sure he liked this guy. Maybe he deserved the treatment. Maybe he was an asshole. He used his educator's voice, the one that drove his sister up the wall, and made everyone angrier within seconds. "Groups always form hierarchies, no matter how little they spend time together. The moment you put people around a table, they'll start fighting for dominance. It's human nature. So who calls the shots, who talks the most?"

The guy was silent for a moment, then said, "Brian." It was reluctant, but still, he said it. 

"So you make it clear to this Brian guy that it's not practical to bully you because it hurts him more." This was the part he always enjoyed the most. 

A ginger head peeked from behind the door. "What?"

"What does Brian like the most?" he asked, his eyes taking in the boys wide blue eyes, straight nose, plump lips, the green sweater, and blue jeans that had holes in the knees. He was a bit chubby, but not in a way that should make others tease him. But Tommy had learned over the years that people really didn't need a reason to call someone names. 

"Girls, impressing them." The guy stepped out of the stall, ready to shake Tommy's hand. "I'm Adam, by the way."

Tommy looked at the hand, saying. "Wash them first."

"I wasn't... I didn't..." Adam blushed. He did wash his hands, though. 

When they shook hands he looked into Adam's eyes and said, "I'm Thomas. Everyone calls me Tommy, although at the moment I don't know anyone but you."

Adam smiled. "I'll call you Tommy then."

He liked that smile. That's the kind expression he wanted to see on that face. 

"What do you mean by 'it hurts him more'?" 

So Adam was intrigued. "He wants to impress girls. All we have to do is find out something that won't impress them, and then tell him that he really doesn't want to bully you." 

"You've done this before?" 

Tommy waved his hand in a dismissive manner, but Adam wouldn't let go of the subject. 

"What happened?" Adam asked, leaning against the other sink, his arm almost touching Tommy's. 

He wanted to laugh because yeah, he'd done this before. "Let's just say that I'm always in the middle of something."

"Not fair. Tell me something. Don't leave me hanging."

Tommy rubbed his chin, turning to face Adam. "If you tell me why they're bullying you."

Adam looked horrified. "You don't wanna know." He blushed again, scratching the side of his head to hide his face from Tommy. 

"Now I do." He knew he had an encouraging smile. His mother had said to him that he looked like an angel and acted like an avenging one. 

"Idressedupinmymom'sclothesandtookapicture." 

He didn't understand a word. "What?"

"Cross dressing. Picture. Everyone saw it." Adam snapped his mouth shut. 

"Oh... That's a good one. Did they copy the picture?" Tommy wanted to smoke. He didn't smoke because he hated the taste of it, but he wanted to be a smoker because it looked cool and he'd have something to do with his hands. In situations like these a cigarette would come in handy. 

"No! A teacher took it away from them, and gave it to my mom." Adam paused. "That was a humiliating conversation."

Tommy snickered, and Adam looked appalled. "Sorry... I'm not laughing _at_ you. I just find the whole situation amusing. Think about if you weren't in it. It is a little hilarious. Like a teen movie."

Adam didn't laugh; he didn't even smile. "I am in it, and it's not fun."

"Sorry." He looked at Adam through his bangs, his eyelashes getting caught in his hair. "Didn't mean to make you feel worse."

"It's okay. You're nice about it compared to the others." 

Tommy contemplated if he should ask this next question, but he was too curious to stop himself, "Why'd you do it?" 

"Dress up in my mom's clothes?"

Tommy nodded. 

"Because I like dress up. I'm in the theater group. I like things like that. I like weird stuff, and nobody seems to understand that. Everyone thinks there's something wrong with me when it's just fun... I don't know." He sounded so frustrated that before Tommy realized it he was patting Adam's shoulder. 

"Hey, it's okay. If it matters I don't care. My best friend back in Burbank is gay. He hasn't come out to his parents and I'm the first one he told about it, but yeah... if you like girl's clothing... be my guest. Who am I to judge?" 

Adam just stared at him. "You're weird."

"I'm weird?"

"Yes, you are. I feel like you're some kind of a superhero with a super-secret identity. Who are you, Thomas?"

He shuddered inwardly at the use of his full name. He should've introduced himself as Tommy Joe. "I'm a sixteen-year-old dude who can't just watch when people get hurt." Oddly enough, he'd never liked to talk about himself. He always felt embarrassed for some reason, like there was nothing to talk about. He never knew what to say when people asked things from him. _I don't know_ was his most common answer. 

"Your turn," Adam said next, and his face must have been as blank as his mind because Adam continued, "You promised to tell me what you've done before. This is not your first time of interfering with stupid high school politics." 

Tommy smiled. Not stupid. Not an asshole. Not boring. He picked the right side, apparently. "I got expelled because I tied a guy to a lamppost." 

Adam's eyes went wide. "You did what?"

"He was a bully. He made a girl cry that day, twice. And it was serious. She ran out of a room without her shirt on. Everyone saw her, and she was crying, and people laughed because he was one of the popular kids, and I just snapped, okay?" So that smoke thing? He should definitely start doing it. He was angry again. "So after school, I went out with some friends and saw him, and I followed him home. And there was this dark alley. It was just a quick decision, and I'm not proud of it, but he was there until morning, and he'd wet himself, and he knew it was me... and it was a mess. I got into a lot of trouble because of that, and my parents decided we needed a change of scenery."

"Um... Okay." Adam looked a little scared. 

"I'm not crazy. I just can't stand people like that."

"You do realize he could've died." 

Tommy smiled. "Nope. I stayed with him. I sat the whole night there, guarding his miserable ass." 

"You're so... weird. I'm not sure I want to know you." Adam looked at his hands. "Sorry. I didn't mean it the way it sounded. I've just never done anything like that. I haven't known anyone like that... Just... Whoa."

"My mom has me grounded," he said then. Grounding was humiliating, and he hadn't shared that with any of his friends back in Burbank. He was sixteen, and he couldn't go anywhere but school or where his parents took him. Caged. Damn it. 

"I'm surprised you're not in Juvie or something." 

He was lucky his dad knew people, and that they thought his intention was not to actually hurt the guy because he stayed to make sure nothing happened. And he had said some pretty preachy things to the stupid motherfucker while he stood there helpless, gagged and humiliated. He wasn't afraid to show his face, to go there in the middle of the mess, and force the other person to look at their own stupidity. His mom had asked him who'd make him see his own stupidity. Moms.

"So... I'm scared to ask... but what do you suggest we do with Brian?" Adam was facing him now, hands in his pockets. 

"Find his weakness of course and blackmail him. I already said that." 

"Not in those words," Adam muttered. 

"And you can sit with me. I'm in your class."

Adam looked surprised. "You are? Why haven't I noticed you?"

"My day started a little late because we had a chat at the principal's office. They... made my parents promise that I'll be good."

Adam frowned. "I can't let you do anything that could get you expelled. I forbid you to fight because of me."

"You can't do that." He felt _that_ look spreading on his face. His sister called it his pouty-face. He wasn't going to let anyone stop him from acting if something bad happened. He couldn't. 

"I can. And I will. Swear to me. You won't do anything that might get you expelled because of me. Please. I don't want that kind of responsibility."

He stared at Adam, a little angry, a little frustrated, and kind of proud, too. Adam wasn't a whiny ninny. "Okay. I promise. But--"

"No buts. I'll never forgive you if you get expelled because of me." Adam was very serious. "And promise is not enough. Swear."

The bitch was bossy, too. "I swear I won't do anything that might get me expelled because of you. The only exception is permanent damage or death. I won't stop then."

"Deal." Adam held out his hand, and he took it. They shook their hands for a while, looking into each other's eyes, and it felt a little weird. He wiped his hand to his thigh when Adam let go, and for a second he didn't know what to do with his hands again. That's why he liked the guitar strings. He never had to wonder then. 

"Now, does Brian play sports?" Tommy asked, walking out of the bathroom, Adam tailing after him. They had a class to go to after PE, which they both had skipped: Tommy because he didn't have any sports clothes yet and Adam apparently because he'd hurt his back a while ago. "What are his hobbies? His schedule? How can we find out something uncool about him?" 

Adam looked at him for a short while, then said, "This could get you expelled, too." 

"Not if you don't share that I'm part of it," Tommy said softly. "I'll help you find the dirt, and I'll tell you what to say to him, how to make the terms clear, and he never has to know that I did anything. That way none of the grownups will know. And maybe Brian will guess I helped, but if there's no proof he can't do anything."

"And I'd take the blame then. I don't like the sound of this plan." 

Tommy stopped, pushing Adam into an empty class room, closing the door behind them. He sat Adam down on a desk. "You won't let me do anything that might get me expelled, but I won't let them bully you, either. So what should we do then?"

Adam was quiet for a long while, staring at his nails. He looked up at Tommy, and Tommy realized he was standing too close. What was wrong with him? "I don't want to take it anymore. I don't want to listen to them anymore."

"Then don't. I can help you. Let me help you."

"Why do you want to help me? Why are you doing this? What about you?" Adam touched his side, and that surprised him. He took a step back. 

"What about me? I'm fine." He took another step back because this conversation was weird and so was Adam. 

Adam stood up, and there he was, taller than him, and somehow not afraid to touch a guy he'd just met. Adam's hand on his shoulder felt heavy. "Why are you acting this way... like it's your job to save everyone?"

Nobody had ever asked that question from him. Not even his mom, and she had asked some weird ones. She had just concentrated on the wrong parts: _Why are you being so difficult? Why can't you just study? It's just high school; it'll be over soon and the real world starts. You can't be like this always._ Like this. Like what? This was the only way he knew how to be. "I don't like seeing people get hurt, okay."

"Everyone gets hurt. Most people have their own lives to worry about. Most of the people who bully me are doing it because they don't want to be in my shoes. Why don't you concentrate more on yourself?"

Adam was still holding his shoulder so he couldn't just run away. He could twist himself free, but that seemed too extreme. Nobody had ever stopped him from saving them. Everyone had been either grateful or completely oblivious that he'd done anything to help them. "Nothing to concentrate on. I care what happens to others."

"But you don't care what happens to you?"

He bit back the nasty words, and said, "Let go of me."

Adam hesitated, but held on. "I'll let you help me on one condition."

"What's that?" He was biting his teeth together, trying to hold back the anger. 

"You help yourself while doing it."

"What? What the fuck are you saying? I don't have to listen to this. I don't even know you." He got free of Adam's hold, but then Adam grabbed his wrist. He thought about biting him because now this thing was surreal. What the hell was going on? 

"Something is making you do these things, and I want you to figure out what. I'll take the blame. I'll let you help me. We'll figure out something embarrassing about Brian and blackmail him. But I want you to think about why you came after me, and why you tied that boy to a tree."

"Lamppost," he said without thinking, and then remembered he was supposed to be angry at Adam. For some reason, he wasn't though. He was completely flabbergasted. Adam was seeing something in him nobody had seen before; he was taking an interest. And that was fucking scary. He had friends who loved him to pieces, Mia being one of them, but even though they'd talked about this, it had always been something cool, something so Tommy-like that she hadn't questioned it. And now, this ginger-haired, chubby kid saw through him. Just like that? Hell no! 

He lifted his hand up, showing Adam that he was being held against his will, but Adam wouldn't let go. "I actually like you," Adam said. "You're odd, but you have gay friends and you help people. So you're the damaged hero-type, and I like you."

"I'm not Wolverine, you idiot."

Adam looked at him for a moment, and then burst out laughing. "Oh my God... You're awesome. I'm so happy you came to my school. And I think we're facing detention if we don't go now. The class starts in a minute. Come."

And Adam didn't let go. Tommy was being pulled through the school by his wrist, his mind a very scary jungle he didn't want to visit.

"I'll go in first," Adam said when they reached the door. "No need to let anyone know yet that you're friends with me. The pariahs are like poison." Before he could protest, Adam let go of his wrist and went in. He waited for a few moments, and then followed him. He found an empty desk at the back, not giving any thought to the eyes that were on him. He took out his history book, waiting. 

The teacher was a young woman with glasses and a smart blouse and a skirt, and she looked more like fun than business. "Hello everyone. We have a new student in our class, and I'd like to introduce him to you." She scanned the room, her eyes landing on Tommy. "Would you please rise."

He did, reluctantly. "Hi," he said. "I'm Tommy Joe Ratliff. Nice to meet you." He saw the same faces he'd seen at the cafeteria, and he wanted to poke their eyes out. He recognized Brian because Adam pointed at him subtly. 

"Everyone be nice," the teacher said, and they all agreed, welcoming him to the class. It was _so_ very sincere, but he did see a few genuinely interested faces. He smiled to them, sitting down. 

His first day at school, and he'd already found a friend with whom he was plotting to blackmail someone. Awesome. His mom would be so proud.


	2. Chapter 2

That night, he took a long shower - one of those that made his dad say he was wasting the world's drinking water - and thought about Adam of all things. He was nervous, like his skin was itching from the inside. 

He'd passed his mom's after school interrogation, but she'd managed to spin him around enough that he'd told her about Adam. She wasn't the most understanding mother at the moment but he couldn't blame her. He wasn't a picture perfect son, either. 

She was also upset because he wanted to get a tattoo. His evil sister had tattled on his plans, and he was sure mom was now thinking of ways to lock him up until he turned twenty-one. 

And since his hobbies included tying people to lampposts, his mom wanted to meet Adam - to be sure he spent time with people who didn't give him too many weird ideas. He was supposed to ask Adam tomorrow if he could come to dinner on Friday. How freaking awkward was that? 

The warm water slid down his back and thighs, making him breathe easier. He put his hands against the wall, and relaxed his neck muscles, sighing. He'd already jerked off once, but he kind of wanted to do that again, but thinking of his mom and Adam didn't really fit to that image. He stepped out of the shower to save himself from a complete brain meltdown. 

The weird part was that he wanted to talk to Adam right now. There were things he wanted to say to him, things he'd like to know, things that left him a little too confused. 

When he got to his room he put on his night clothes and then picked up his laptop and sat on the bed. 

He knew Adam's surname was Lambert so a quick search gave him a few nice theater group pictures, MySpace address, and one goofy story about Adam and his dad on a fishing trip that didn't go so well. It seemed he had a younger brother, too, who was a sulky little sulker. They both had siblings; Adam would so understand how annoying that was. 

But none of these findings really helped him because he wanted to chat. He cursed himself for not asking Adam's e-mail address. 

Then a light bulb went off in his head, and he went Facebook surfing. He got lucky - Adam hadn't hidden his account, and he had a good facial picture there. He actually looked pretty damn good in it, and it made Tommy smile. It was kind of cute how much everyone tried in pictures. 

He sent Adam a message, and waited, going through a few of his bookmarked sites, including Youtube videos of the latest solos of his favorite guitarists. DJ Ashba rocked his socks off. 

And then he got Adam's answer: _My g-mail is adam.m.lambert@gmail.com. Let's chat there. FB chat sucks balls. -A-_

Tommy agreed wholeheartedly and logged onto g-mail.

 **Me:** Hi. :)  
 **Adam:** Hi back. :) You wanted to chat?  
 **Me:** Yeah, I've been thinking about things, and we need to make plans.  
 **Adam:** About what?  
 **Me:** What we gonna do, how we gonna do it, when we gonna do it. Things like that. :)  
 **Adam:** Okay. :) I have one request, though.  
 **Me:** What's that?  
 **Adam:** ... Don't take this in a weird way...  
 **Me:** I won't. :)  
 **Adam:** Could we be friends in secret?  
 **Me:** Oh... Why?  
 **Adam:** Everything about my life is under a microscope at the moment. They meddle with everything. You'd be the only thing they couldn't touch.  
 **Me:** Are you serious?  
 **Adam:** Yeah. I'm sick and tired of people taking away every nice thing I have.  
 **Me:** So... I'm a nice thing? :P  
 **Adam:** Hahaha... Yeah, you are. I know it would be easier if you were there, but I don't want them to know you're friends with me. I want to keep you to myself.  
 **Me:** Hahah... Okay.  
 **Adam:** Also, I've been thinking, how'd you know you're in my class? We hadn't had anything together yet.  
 **Me:** The principal showed me a picture of my class, and your face kind of stood out. I don't know. I just noticed you. Maybe because you were taller than everyone else. :)  
 **Adam:** I was beginning to think that you went through his files or something and found mine, too. :P  
 **Me:** Yeah, yeah, like I'd ever do anything like that. :P  
 **Adam:** OMG, you so would. :)  
 **Me:** As if. :P  
But... Should we make plans for tomorrow?  
 **Adam:** Yeah.

They decided to have a chat at the fourth floor corridor after Algebra because the teacher always let them go a bit earlier. Adam promised to write down everything he knew about Brian's schedule, and what could help them in their cause. 

After that, Tommy had to end the chat quickly because his mom had a strict rule of no internet after ten pm. It was a part of mom grounding him: losing all privileges that mattered to him. At least they still allowed him to play the guitar as much as he wanted. 

And like clockwork, his mom switched off the broadband connection. Sweet. 

Mia had asked him once why he didn't rebel against their rules since he was rebelling against everything else. He had a reason, but there were lots of things in his mind he didn't want to think about. This was one of them. At home, he played by the rules, and that was that. He cleaned the table after dinner, he took the garbage out, he helped carry things, he didn't talk back to his parents - he'd never even raised his voice. 

He switched off the nightlight, pulled the covers over himself, and tried to sleep. He was restless. He hadn't asked any of those questions from Adam he'd meant to ask. It would've been pointless. 

It took him three hours to fall asleep, and when he finally did, he slept in parts, waking up to sounds and thoughts and nothing at all. His sleep was always shallow. 

The next day, he was on time, waiting for the school bus to pick him up. It was his first time riding in the bus with these children because his parents took him to school yesterday, and to his utter surprise, Adam was there, too.

So maybe they didn't live too far apart then. 

He wanted to sit where Adam sat, but didn't. He just looked at Adam in passing, letting him know that he'd seen him. He got a window seat, and nobody bothered him. He was almost falling on his face because he was so tired, but otherwise the morning was starting pretty okay. 

They had Chemistry in the morning, then English, then lunch, then Spanish, and finally Algebra which he was waiting for because that meant he'd talk to Adam very soon. 

It was horrible to watch them bully Adam and not do anything to help him. Adam took it well, but it was clear it hurt him too. The first thing they did to him made Tommy want to strangle someone. They put a note to his back: _I'm too ugly for women's clothing, but I wear them anyway._ People were so pathetic. 

He would've done something, even against Adam's will, but he didn't have to because someone else took the note away before Adam even noticed it. That guy was in their class, too, and he was one of those people who'd been genuinely interested in Tommy when he greeted the class. He was short and skinny and he had an honest face. Tommy liked him, especially his nonchalant way of handling things. He just came, saved the day, and went away, like he'd done nothing, like he hadn't stopped anything. 

Brian didn't like the guy one bit, judging by the murderous look he gave him, but he also seemed reluctant to say anything about it. It almost seemed like he was afraid to confront the guy. That made Tommy interested. 

The day was slow, especially since half the time he was just trying to stay awake, and nothing seemed to make it easier. Some teachers had boring monotonous voices, some subjects were too dull to keep him present longer than five minutes. Mildly put, high school was the queen of boredom. 

But then, finally, he sneaked out of the Algebra class and headed for the fourth floor. He sat on a windowsill, waiting for Adam, suddenly wishing again that he was a smoker. Maybe he should just buy a pack even if he didn't smoke. 

Adam came to his view, climbing up the stairs. "Hi, sorry it took me a while. I had to lose them." 

Tommy nodded, staring at Adam, liking his simple black T-shirt and baggy pants. He'd done something to his hair, and he'd tried to cover the few pimples he had, and there was something different about the way he carried himself, confidence maybe. They might try harder to break him now. 

"Hi to you, too. How are you?" He wasn't sure why he asked, maybe because his hands were tied, and he couldn't do anything for Adam. 

Adam smiled. "Better. Thanks for letting me have this all to myself."

That smile was a little sly, and he wondered what the hell was hidden behind the kicked puppy look. He jumped off the sill, and said, "So, do you have his schedule?"

Adam dug in his pant pockets, and found a crumpled paper that was folded many times. He handed it to Tommy who opened it carefully. "Football practices after school, hanging out with friends at the mall every day, picking up his sister from dance practice on Tuesdays, home by eleven. That's it? This guy does nothing?"

"I don't know him, okay," Adam said, terse. "We don't speak. We don't hang out after school. I know these things because I've heard him talk about them."

"Okay, okay, no worries." He sat down next to the wall, waiting for Adam to do the same, and when he did, Tommy continued, "Who knows him who's not in his circle?"

Adam looked pensive. "Isaac. Their dads used to work in the same company. I think they spent some time together, but... I don't know. Isaac doesn't like him. I don't know what happened."

"Is Isaac the short dude with sandy hair and honest face?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

Tommy waved his hand, wanting to move along. They didn't have much time. "Do you know Isaac?" he asked next. 

"Not really. I've talked to him a few times, and he seems nice, but he hasn't said a word to me since the... picture." Adam hung his head. "I hate this. I wish I hadn't done it. I wish I was like everyone else. I wish they would just stop. I wish I could fit in."

Tommy touched Adam's knee with his own, getting his attention. "You're being stupid. If you're that different you can't fit in, and you're not supposed to. You're supposed to be your own person, and not give a fuck what others think of you."

Adam glanced at him, saying, "Easy for you to say. Everything you do is cool, even the way you open your school books, or the way you walk."

Tommy just stared. _What?_

"Seriously. There's an air about you that says: _I know exactly what I'm doing, and I don't need anyone._ It's intimidating, and I would've never dared talking to you if you hadn't come to me first. You're a little scary."

For some reason, that hurt, and he tried to hide it the best he could. He'd been tired the whole day, so tired he was barely able to function like normal people, and he looked intimidating? 

"It's supposed to be a compliment," Adam said carefully. "You're cool."

Tommy didn't know what to say, but he had to say something or Adam would dive deeper into this, and it already felt uncomfortable. He didn't want more of it. "Oh... My mom asked me to ask you if you could come to dinner on Friday. She wants to meet my new friend because..." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "I don't think she trusts me very much at the moment."

Adam grinned. "I'll ask my mom. Wait." Adam took out his phone. 

Tommy watched Adam call his mom, listened to the clear love and trust in his voice, and then aggravation, too, when she seemed to question this idea a bit too much to Adam's liking. This was how normal families worked. 

He stared straight ahead after that, waiting, forcing all thoughts out of his mind. 

"Tommy?"

He turned to look at Adam and saw the phone directed at him. 

"Smile."

He was too stunned to do anything but that, and felt stupid afterwards. He never smiled in pictures. 

"Mom asked me to send a picture of you before she agrees to let me come to your place," Adam explained, already sending the picture to his mom. "It's a good one, don't worry. You look like a boy next door in it." 

He frowned. Adam's approach in life was very direct, very to the point. He said and did what came to his mind, and didn't pause to think. It was kind of refreshing and mostly just horrifying because he was at the receiving end of that bubbly honesty. "You could've asked first," he said, fortunately not sounding too annoyed. 

"About the picture?" Adam's eyes were wide. "Sorry. You don't like pictures? I don't either, but that's because I'm fat. You're... normal, good-looking... Sorry, I didn't even think you'd mind."

Adam's phone beeped, and that saved Tommy from another embarrassing conversation topic. "She said yes, and that you look like a sweet boy."

He got up because sitting next to Adam wasn't an option right now. Sweet boy? Sweet? He brushed his hand through his hair, then turned and almost ran into Adam because he had stood up too. "Oh..."

"Sorry..." Adam said, steadying him with a hand on his elbow, but he let go the moment Tommy wasn't about to fall on his butt. "Sorry. You just looked like you were about to run, and..." Adam laughed. "Sorry."

"It's fine." Tommy paused, taking a few steps back. Adam was constantly in his personal space, damn it. "So, Friday is on?"

"Friday is on." 

Tommy nodded. "Okay, we can make better plans then. I'll talk to Isaac today or tomorrow. Maybe we can find out something from him."

Adam's smile was pure gold. "You're awesome."

He bit his lip because what the hell? He never ever fucking ever felt like this. He was always in control of every situation, even when he was angry, and now he was a fumbling idiot. "We need to go. Biology starts soon." The break was over; they'd miss class in four minutes. 

Adam nodded, and started walking away, but before he disappeared to the stairway he waved, "See you in class."

Tommy smiled. "See you."

He felt like he was making Adam stronger, but everything about Adam was making him feel weaker. This wouldn't work. He had to pull himself together. But things were already spiraling out of control. 

When he got home from school his mom was cooking dinner. Without a word, he went to help her, washing the dishes, setting the table, letting her ask questions. 

"So is Adam able to come to dinner on Friday?" she asked, her voice soft. She was making spaghetti bolognese, Tommy's favorite, and it smelled delicious. His mouth was watering, and he realized he hadn't eaten anything at lunch. He'd been too focused on the damn bullies and their fucking game. He gritted his teeth. "Tommy?"

"His mom okayed it. He can come. What're you going to make?" 

Dia smiled. "What would you like?"

"Lasagna?" He didn't know if Adam liked it, but the one his mom made was so good even someone who hated lasagna would love it. He wasn't too worried. 

"Let's make that then," she said. "Go, I can finish this. You have homework."

He went, up the stairs, past the doors to his parents' and sister's bedrooms, and to the back where his room was located. His backpack was full of books, and he hauled it on the bed. One day, he'd crumble under the weight of it. 

He sent Adam a short text: _Lasagna on Friday at six._

Adam's answer was equally short: _Should I dress up?_

Tommy snorted. _No. My mom would think you're a dealer or something. Come as you are._

He sat down at his desk, and pulled his homework out of the bag. His phone beeped again. _Okay. I'll be me. Thanks. :)_

It was sweet, and it made him smile. He couldn't wait for Friday to happen.


	3. Chapter 3

Before the dinner on Friday he figured out two things: Adam lived three blocks away from him, and Isaac was one strange person who didn't say much of anything. When he asked if Isaac could tell him something about Brian he smiled crookedly and said, "Why?"

Tommy didn't have an answer ready, and the conversation kind of died before it even began. He just didn't know what to say, and for some reason he knew he couldn't lie to Isaac. It had something to do with his eyes. Damn knowing eyes they were. 

So now, he had no new information for Adam. It was sad and pathetic, and he could do nothing about it. He'd at least asked Isaac if he'd like to sit with him during lunch hour, and maybe at some point he'd figure out how to pull information out of the little guy. 

His mom had been breathing down his neck ever since he came home from school. First it was about homework, then cleaning his room, and now about his choice of clothing. What the hell was wrong with a Marilyn Manson T-shirt and a pair of torn jeans? 

He owned one black button down shirt so he put that on, and then he shimmied out of his jeans. He was just about to pull on his normal black pants when Lisa, his evil sister barged into his room, yelling, "Mom wants to talk to you!" 

She stopped abruptly, then burst into giggles, and he hid behind the door of his wardrobe. No privacy, no locked doors. Sometimes he hated his home. "Go away," he said, holding back the anger. 

She just stuck out her tongue and left. 

It was fifteen minutes to six. Adam would be there soon. What on earth did his mom want now? 

He went down the stairs very slowly, stalling. He didn't know what to expect with this dinner thing, and if mom wanted to talk to him it probably meant a lecture. 

"There you are," Dia said, a strange edge to her voice. She was setting the table, and he went to help her immediately. "I had a very interesting talk with Adam's mom, Leila." 

_Uhhuh, this was bad._

"Apparently Adam is being bullied at school." She looked at him pointedly, but he didn't take the bait. "She just wanted to make sure that this was not some complicated plot to hurt him more."

"What did you tell her?" he asked, not looking at her. 

"That my son would never bully anyone, that it's me who wanted to get to know my son's new friend. She seemed happy about Adam having a friend. This fall has been difficult for all of them."

He made an agreeing sound, but said nothing.

Dia was quiet for a moment, then said, "So..."

Tommy was in the middle of folding the napkins. It was important work that needed concentration. 

"What are you up to?" 

"Nothing."

"First week, Tommy. First week, and you're already finding the people you can rescue."

He shrugged. "I'm not doing anything."

"I know you." Dia sighed. "How bad is the bullying?"

"Pretty bad. He can handle it, though." He felt her eyes on him, how she wanted him to look at her. 

"It's a good school. Just... Ask him to talk to the teachers. Don't get involved, please."

Now he looked up because every bit of him wanted to scream: _That's why things suck - because we don't get involved!_ He swallowed, kept it in, squeezed his hands into tight fists. "You don't have to worry. Adam won't let me do anything that might get me expelled."

She looked shocked, her mouth open and her eyes wide. Then she smiled. "I like him already." 

That took him by surprise, and he smiled back before he realized what he was doing. The doorbell interrupted the moment and managed to startle them both. Tommy said he'd go to the door. 

It was raining so Adam had an umbrella with him, and he was just shaking the extra water off of it when Tommy opened the door. They stared at each other for a while, then grinned. 

"Hi," Adam said, ducking his head, looking at Tommy with a cute sideways glance. 

Tommy couldn't believe he thought another guy was cute, but that didn't stop him from smiling. "Hi yourself. Come in. We're ready to start."

They went to the kitchen where Tommy's family was already waiting. Tommy introduced everyone, and his dad welcomed Adam to their house. They sat down, Tommy opposite Adam, his mom and dad sitting next to them, and his sister stealing the seat at the head of the table. She was ogling at Adam, but Adam didn't seem to mind. 

"So, what's your favorite subject at school?" Dia asked while serving the food to everyone. 

"I'm into theater and music so I'd say the extra activities. I've been acting since I was ten. But biology is cool, too." Adam took his plate back, and smelled the food. "Oh my god, smells so good." 

Dia smiled. "It's my mom's recipe. Do you cook with your mom?"

Adam looked horrified. "Never. I burn everything. My mom chased me out of the kitchen when I was twelve and hasn't let me come back since. I'm that terrible."

"Like me," Lisa muttered. 

Dia nodded. "Tommy helps me all the time, and Lisa is completely impossible with housework. It's a running joke in our family."

"I'll make a great housewife some day," Tommy said, and Adam almost choked on his juice, coughing. 

The dinner wasn't as bad as Tommy thought it would be. His mom kept the conversation going, and even Lisa behaved. It was clear that Adam got a green light from his mom because when they finished eating she told them to go, have fun, and not bother with the dishes. 

He took Adam to his room, suddenly very aware of all the things he had there: his Marilyn Manson posters, his guitar, the big bed, and the messy desk. He was glad mom had nagged him about cleaning because there were no dirty underwear anywhere, and Adam could actually sit in his armchair because it wasn't full of books, games, magazines, and dirty clothes.

"You play?" Adam asked, staring at his guitar. 

He nodded. "Since I was twelve. Enter Sandman is still my favorite."

The _Oh my god, you're so cool_ -look spread on Adam's face, and Tommy felt a blush creep up his cheeks. 

"I sing," Adam blurted, and Tommy nodded again. "Yeah, I know," he said, grinning. "I saw your MySpace, but haven't listened to any of your covers yet."

"Would... Would you play something now?"

He hesitated, but Adam seemed to be genuinely interested. He took the guitar from its stand, plugged it in, and went to sit on the bed. "You can sing along if you know the words," he said, and then started playing. 

Adam clapped his hands. "You love classics," he said, recognizing the song immediately.

Tommy just smiled. His dad had taught him to appreciate old school rock, especially The Doors. "You don't get instrumental parts like these any more." The solo of Light My Fire was ridiculously long, and he loved it. He didn't have to look at Adam to know that he loved it, too. 

When he stopped playing Adam clapped again, beaming. "Oh my god, you're so good. That was amazing."

He wasn't that good yet. His uncle was so much better, and so were all the other guitarists he looked up to, but he played every day, trying to learn something new every time he picked up the guitar. "I just love doing it."

"I can tell." Adam's eyes were warm, and the smile on his face was so open. Tommy didn't know where to look so he stared at the strings of his guitar. Adam stood up, then sat next to Tommy, pulling his legs on the bed as well. "Can you play Jeff Buckley's Grace?"

Tommy looked up, surprised. "I love him. Of course I can play it." 

"I'll sing if you play." 

All of a sudden, his palms were sweaty, and he had to wipe them on the cover of the bed. 

When he began to play Adam straightened his back, but relaxed his arms. His voice hit Tommy square in the stomach, and he almost stopped playing because what the hell? Kids didn't have voices like that. 

His heart was beating fast when the song ended. He could only stare at Adam, his mouth open. 

"What?" Adam looked a little scared. 

"Do you have any idea how good you are?" He would beat that information into Adam's head if he didn't.

Adam scratched his cheek, a bashful smile on his face. "My vocal instructor thinks I'm pretty good."

"You have one? Never mind, of course you do, and of course she thinks you're awesome. If she didn't she'd be stupid." He held the guitar closer to his body, hugging it a little. He didn't know what to think of this whole thing, their friendship, their love for music, their plans... _Oh yeah, plans._ "Fun's over. We have a blackmail to plan."

Adam's face fell a little, and then he pulled himself together. "Okay. Let's do that."

"My being grounded creates a few interesting obstacles," he said, setting the guitar aside and turning towards Adam. "You need to do most of the work." He paused. "And I don't like that."

"Did Isaac tell you anything useful?" Adam asked, crossing his legs, their bent knees almost touching. Why Tommy noticed things like this was beyond him.

He bit his lip. He didn't know what to say to Adam because the whole thing felt so stupid. "Eh... Isaac isn't very talkative, and I didn't know what I could tell him. I can't tell him what we're about to do. The fewer people know the safer we are. But I couldn't lie to him either. He has those eyes." He waved his hand in the air, trying to explain what he meant.

Adam nodded, kind of eager. "I know exactly what you mean."

"Weird, huh?"

"I know."

They looked at each other for a moment, smiling. Tommy wanted to say something, but he didn't know if it was okay. He tried anyway. "Remember when you said you hate pictures because you're fat?"

Adam nodded, his face guarded all of a sudden. 

"Don't say that. You're not fat." This was one of those things he would've liked to force Adam to see. He hated it when people thought false things about themselves. Adam wasn't perfect, but who was? "You look nice." 

Adam sat still, staring at Tommy, and then he did something Tommy wasn't expecting at all. He took hold of Tommy's chin, and pulled him into a chaste kiss. That stopped his heart, then made it beat faster than ever before. 

He pulled back, scared shitless, and Adam looked at him with a horrified expression. "Sorry, sorry... You didn't... I thought... I'm sorry."

Tommy tried to think, his brain freezing over. His best friend back home, Sutan had kissed him a few times, but that was different. They'd known each other forever. Adam had known him for a few days, less than a week. What was he thinking? "You shouldn't kiss people you don't know," he said. "They might get upset."

Adam just stared at him, his eyes huge. 

"I've been kissed before so don't worry. But just..." He shook his head, trying to find the right words. "... Don't do that to me, okay?" He felt sorry for Adam because he looked like he was about to bolt. He'd probably jump out of the window right now if it was open. "Hey, I really like you."

"You've been acting like... I don't know. There's been signals." Adam bit his lip, wringing his hands. 

Tommy tried to hold it back, but he couldn't help it, he had to laugh. Signals? Who used a word like that? He ignored the way his heart was still beating like crazy, and tilted his head to the side, looking at Adam with care. Adam was blushing, and he knew laughing was bad, but it was beyond him now. "I haven't been signaling anything. I just like you."

"Did it feel bad?" Adam asked, and now it was Tommy's turn to stare. They were weird; they talked way too much. They _shared_. 

"Didn't feel much of anything. It was too brief."

Adam looked away. "Oh, okay."

He took hold of Adam's arm. "I don't care, okay?" He tried to make Adam look at him, but when he didn't he continued, "My best friend is gay, remember?"

Adam nodded, still not facing Tommy.

"He practiced kissing with me. It was no biggie." His heart hadn't tried to break through his chest then, though. 

"Really?" Now Adam's eyes were on Tommy, and Tommy realized he was still holding Adam's arm. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He pulled his hand back, and pushed it under his butt because his body had clearly decided to behave badly today. 

He nodded, hopefully a sly smile on his face. "He got praised after that."

Adam sat on top of his legs, and leaned forward, resting his weight on his hands. "Wanna do that with me? I've only kissed one girl, and I didn't like it very much. I don't want to be bad at it when I meet the right person."

He knew it was a bad idea to bring that up. Now what? "How can you be like this?"

"How can you be like that?" Adam countered, insecurities replaced by curiosity. "Any other guy would've hit me or something. You scold me for being too irrational."

Tommy swallowed. "I can't even lock my door, and my sister is nosy. She'll walk in on us for sure."

"You're considering it, Ratliff. I think I respect you even more." Adam beamed, that smile lighting the whole room. 

Tommy stood up, took the chair from in front of his desk, and positioned it under the handle of his door to stop anyone from entering. "There."

"You wanna do this?" Adam looked hopeful.

He didn't know how to back down now. "If it's just practicing."

Adam nodded, eager, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Come here."

Tommy hesitated only for a second, and then took two long steps and he was standing between Adam's thighs. He didn't know why he was allowing this to happen. Maybe because he wanted to prove something to himself. "Keep your hands to yourself," he said to Adam who then gripped his own knees and nodded. 

Tommy put his hands on Adam's shoulders for support, and leaned closer. "I'm not an expert, but let's do this slow first."

Adam let out an agreeing sound, tilting his head back to give Tommy an easy access to his mouth. Adam's lips were lush, and there were freckles, too. He swallowed because this was the stupidest thing he'd ever done, and he'd done some stupid-ass things. 

He touched Adam's lips with his own, closing his eyes. They felt a little wet, but mostly soft, giving in under his touch, parting. Sutan had kissed him a handful of times, but he still didn't know how to use his tongue. He knew, though, that he didn't like anyone licking his gums. Adam didn't even try that. He followed Tommy's lead, let him choose the pace, the rhythm, and just enjoyed the ride. And he didn't try to touch Tommy. 

Panting a little, he pulled back. "How's that?" he asked, still resting most of his weight on Adam's shoulders. 

Adam smiled, a dreamy look on his face. "Nice. I like your lips." 

This was so weird, so, so freaking weird. He touched Adam's jaw with his fingertips, those long lashes fluttering against Adam's cheeks when he inhaled sharply. Adam's hold on his knees tightened. 

Tommy let his thumb brush against Adam's lower lip, then pressed it into his mouth slightly, touching his teeth. He'd never done anything like this, and he'd never thought he'd do anything like this with a guy. He wasn't thinking now, just feeling, testing, trying, because he could. 

He had more courage because he knew Adam wouldn't touch him. He could do things without it leading to anything awkward. 

Adam was breathing hard now, obviously aroused, and that probably should have made Tommy feel something other than fascinated. He leaned in again, taking Adam's lower lip between his teeth, his hand still on Adam's jaw, sliding lower against his throat. Adam moaned, and Tommy had to blink a few times to shake that sound off his spine. Weird, weird friendship. He kissed Adam one more time, and pulled back, taking one step back too. 

It took Adam a moment to gather himself, but when he opened his eyes Tommy could see that the smile spreading on his face started from his eyes. "Thank you."

Tommy shrugged. "It's cool."

Adam nodded, firm and friendly and kind of adorable. When he stood up, though, Tommy took another step back because Adam was so much taller than him. Intimidating, damn it. 

"Can I hug you?" Adam asked, holding out his hand. 

He hugged his friends all the time. What he didn't do was kiss them. Somehow hugging Adam seemed more dangerous than kissing him. "Okay."

Adam took a step closer to him, and he had to force his feet to stay put. Then there was a warm body against his own, long arms around his shoulders, one hand at the back of his neck. He grabbed Adam's waist because he had to do something with his hands. He should just cut them off; he never knew what to do with them. 

"You're warm," Adam said like it was the biggest revelation of their time. His body temperature was pretty normal, and blood kept pumping in his veins, and air filled his lungs every second of every day. Of course he was warm. He didn't say anything, though, because it was nice. Adam was nice.


	4. Chapter 4

Tommy woke up, breathing hard, the blanket a tight bundle between his thighs, adrenaline racing in his veins. He knew he was in his room, and there was nothing there, but his body hadn't yet realized it. His stomach muscles were cramping, and his hands were tight fists. 

He lay there for a while, breathing in and out, staring at the darkness and at the ceiling above him. 

His dreams had always been nasty. Usually he had smelly human-like creatures following him around, slow, moving on all fours, their hungry eyes on him. They always came from water, and all he did in his dreams was try to avoid water of any kind. He never succeeded. 

He tried to think about something pleasant, but very little came to his mind. He just wanted to sleep. That shouldn't be this hard. 

Then Adam came to his mind: his visit, their kiss, and the awkward conversation after that. They'd decided that Adam would follow Brian around next week to see what he did on his own, and during PE, Tommy would pick the lock of Brian's locker. They hadn't given up on Isaac either. There had to be some dirt there. 

Tommy wanted to think that everything with Adam was like with everyone else, but he knew it wasn't. It had started the moment they met, and it was getting worse every day. It was fucking scary, and he didn't know what to do, how to feel. 

But he had to admit that he was a little flattered that Adam liked him that way and that much. It was new. When Adam had left they'd hugged at the door, and Adam's fingers had lingered at the small of his back. If he thought about it hard enough he could still feel that touch, could imagine it. 

He didn't know how his parents would react if they knew. He wasn't going to share anything, though. What they had was between them, and it was a little exciting to him that Adam felt the same way. He liked their secret friendship. He liked that it was theirs alone. 

Tommy groaned, flinging an arm across his face. His insomnia was one of the reasons he would've liked to live alone. He couldn't pick up his guitar and start playing in the middle of the night with his parents close by. He couldn't do much of anything so he just lay there, feeling miserable. At least his heart had finally calmed down. 

"Fuck." He hit his head against the pillow. Stressing over it wasn't going to make him fall asleep any faster. 

Jerking off might do that, though. He had tissues. 

Tommy pushed his hand under his pajama pants, pushing them down just enough to get his dick out. He didn't have to do much to get it hard, a few pulls were enough. He thought about one of the girls in their glass, Marie. She wore low-cut shirts and tight jeans, and she had a cute face. Her long black hair was made for pulling, and he was thinking of pushing her down on her knees, her mouth on his dick, spreading wide. 

A hot wave of pleasure shot through his body when he came, a silent groan on his lips. When the aftershocks were over he reached for his bedside table with his come-free hand to grab a few tissues. Then he cleaned himself, already feeling relaxed enough to fall asleep. 

A sure way to cure insomnia.

The weekend went by in a haze because he was so eager to get back to school and see Adam again. They could chat, but it wasn't the same as meeting face to face. And there was only so much he could do at home under the prying eyes of his mother. 

He did chat with Sutan once, and that made him feel homesick. He missed his friends. He missed all the familiar places. He knew nothing about San Diego, didn't know what places to avoid, how to get anywhere, where to go buy his books and music so chatting with Sutan was like a punch to his face. He was gathering his teeth long after the chat. 

On Monday, he waited for the school bus like a little kid waited for Santa on Christmas. When the bus arrived he saw Adam through the third window, and they smiled to each other. 

He hopped into the bus, and walked past Adam, wanting so badly to sit next to him. He had a stupid smile on his face all the way to school. 

Unfortunately his good mood went down the drain the moment they reached the school because the bullies were back. There were nine of them, six guys and three girls, and of course all the people who didn't do anything to stop it, or who laughed with them. 

They had a blond wig for Adam to wear, and he played along, walking like a girl, laughing with them, but that didn't stop them from being asses. The more Adam tried to take it lightly, the worse it got. 

The only thing stopping Tommy from reacting was the fact that they weren't violent, just mean. It was still hard to watch how they gathered around him, how they exposed every part of him and then mocked the hell out of everything Adam was: his singing, his acting, his girlish ways - even him being gay was on the list because it was so obvious to them. 

Tommy got hotheaded, and he had to leave so he wouldn't do anything. He went behind one of the buildings at the school yard, leaning his back against the wall, fuming. He clenched his hands into tight fists, hitting the wall behind him.

"You want to know about Brian because you want to help him." It was Isaac, and Tommy just looked at him, angry at him, angry at all of them for letting this continue, but most of all, angry at himself for promising Adam that he wouldn't do anything. "I'm not in the mood for talking," he said, then bit his teeth together because damn, he needed information from Isaac. 

"Brian wanted to run away with me," Isaac said anyway.

"What? Why?"

Isaac stood next to him, leaning his back against the wall, too. "I was the first person who'd ever treated him normally. He's from a very rich family, very powerful, too. His father is a complete jerk, and my dad doesn't want to spend any time with him ever again. But for a while, he was very good at masking it."

Tommy didn't know what to say. He didn't want to think of Brian as a person. He wanted to stop him. 

"I said no; he couldn't deal and cut all ties. But he's not a lost cause." Isaac smiled to him. 

Tommy felt like he was talking to Gandhi. "What do you want me to do? I'm not gonna let him continue this."

"Why do you care so much?" 

"Because I can't stand people who hurt others."

"We all do that," Isaac said, matter-of-fact. 

Tommy wanted to growl. He knew that, but some people were deliberate and cruel, wanting to destroy other people's souls. He couldn't just watch that happening right in front him. "Most people are not like Brian. Most people don't think their life's mission is to destroy someone." 

"He's not thinking of that. He only thinks about himself, his pleasure and his pain-relief."

"Doesn't change anything. He's an asshole, and assholes need to look in the mirror. I will make him."

Isaac took a step away from him, the smile gone from his face. "Be careful." He left without a goodbye. 

Tommy sagged against the wall. That hadn't gone well at all. And he'd be late from class in a few minutes if he didn't run. Damn it!

During PE, he sneaked to Brian's locker, picked the lock, and went through his stuff quickly, looking over his shoulder every other second. He was there less than a minute because he couldn't risk getting caught, but he did find something interesting. He couldn't wait to tell Adam. 

His next stop was the principal's office because he had an actual appointment. 

The principal was a strict-looking man in his fifties, but Tommy had already learned that he was a pretty cool person. _Clean slate_ , he'd told Tommy, and that had to mean something. 

"Hello, Mr. Ratliff. Close the door, please."

Tommy did so and then went to sit in one of the chairs in front of the principal's desk. It was a follow up meeting: How was his first week? Had he gotten to know anyone? Was he behind with studies? He answered as truthfully as he could, not saying anything that wasn't asked directly. He was glad he wasn't the worst possible student out there because that gave him a little leverage. He didn't like school, and he wasn't the studying type, but his mom made sure he did his homework every damn day. 

He also found out that his PE clothes had been ordered, and would arrive tomorrow. He wasn't very happy about that, but someone with a very bright mind had thought that children needed exercise. He would've liked to strangle that guy in the silence of the night without anyone noticing a damn thing. 

Adam had agreed to meet him after PE on the fourth floor, and he went to wait for Adam there. He had his book with him, the autobiography of Steven Tyler, and he sat on the windowsill, reading, enjoying the quiet. 

When he heard the footsteps at the stairway he checked the page number, and closed the book. Anticipation made his skin tingle. He bit his lip because what the hell? He didn't have a crush on the guy. It shouldn't be like this. 

He walked up to Adam the moment he saw him and hugged him unceremoniously. His eyes made Tommy do it. Adam had been crying, or he'd been fighting the best he could so he wouldn't cry. Either way his eyes were red and his face was puffy. "What happened?" He felt a little silly, doing this, but since he couldn't do anything else this was now his way.

"Nothing." Adam wasn't hugging him back. He was just standing there, hands to his sides. 

He pushed Adam to an arm's length, still keeping the contact. "What did they do?"

"I'm lousy at sports." 

"That's not an explanation." He tried to sound encouraging, but the anger burned him out too fast. He sounded hollow, cruel, but it was not directed at Adam. He hoped Adam knew that. 

"We played dodgeball. I got hit bad. It just hurt, okay." 

He should let go. He should let Adam keep it to himself. "Was it deliberate?"

"Don't." Adam stepped back, freeing himself from Tommy's hold. 

"I want to break his bones." He paced in front of Adam, glancing at him every once in a while, trying to calm down. "Say something in his defense so I won't." 

Adam stared at him. "You're insane."

"I have to sit on my hands when they do all those things to you, and you don't say anything back. You could, you know. You could talk to the teachers. You could fight back."

"I don't want to fight. I want to be left alone. I want them to stop. I didn't do anything to them. I didn't hurt any of them, and they think I deserve this. They threw all the balls at me. One hit the side of my head, one hit my nuts, and I had to go to the nurse's office because I felt so dizzy. I've done nothing to them. Nothing!"

Tommy stopped pacing, just stood opposite Adam, feeling powerless. "I know."

"No, you don't! You keep saying that I should make them stop. That makes me feel like this is my fault." Adam wasn't exactly shouting, but he was talking loud and fast. "You make me feel guilty."

"You let them walk all over you. Why?" He realized they were getting to a territory that wasn't safe for either of them, but he didn't know how to stop. 

Adam pushed at him, and that surprised him completely. He'd been in lots of fights because he was stupid, but he'd never fought with someone he didn't want to hit. Out of habit, his hands clenched into fists, and he lowered his stance. 

Adam looked shocked. Tommy didn't know if it was because he'd pushed Tommy or because Tommy looked like he was ready to fight. "This isn't working," Adam said, all fight leaving his body, and he took a step back. "Forget it. I'll deal with this on my own." He walked away, and Tommy didn't ask him to wait. He just stared at his back, wondering how the fuck had things gone so wrong so fast. 

A wave of self-loathing rushed over him, and he doubled over, hands on his knees. He didn't know how to pull back from this, how to make things better, how to even breathe. He needed a fucking paper bag. 

The rest of the day was nothing but fog and distant noise. He didn't see or hear anything, and he just went through the motions as was expected of him. When he got home Mom looked at him once, then told him to take a bath. He nodded, but went to his room instead. 

He lay on his bed the whole afternoon, his headphones on, and didn't even go downstairs to eat dinner. Mom came to see him once, but didn't push, just told him that there were sandwiches in the fridge if he became hungry. He thanked her, but didn't turn to look at her. 

It got so bad that at the time he was supposed to go to bed he couldn't even lie down anymore. He felt jittery, like he had too much caffeine in his system. He made a quick, stupid decision. 

He put the chair under the door handle, dug through his closet for some shoes to wear (he found a pair of rubber boots), pulled on a hoodie, and climbed out of the window, reaching for the ladder just below his window. 

It was raining, and he felt like a wet rat after a few seconds under the heavy rain. He ran all the way to Adam's house so he wouldn't think. He didn't know which window was Adam's. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know anything. But he knew he had to do this. 

He stared at the house for a moment before walking closer. Then he dug out his phone. He sent Adam a short message: _Come to the window._

When nothing happened he sent another one: _Please?_

Finally someone pulled aside the curtains of one upstairs window. Adam pushed up the window, leaning out. "It's raining. What are you doing?"

"Are you mad at me?" 

Adam just stared at him. "We'll wake the neighbors," he finally said. 

"I'm sorry, okay? Whatever I did I'm sorry." 

"It's not just you. I had a really bad day. I'm sorry I took it out on you. But you really do make me feel like it's my fault they bully me."

Tommy hung his head. His hair was plastered to his face, and he licked the rain water off his lips. He looked up again. "I found out so many useful things today." 

"What are we talking about?" Adam asked, sounding confused. He leaned his elbows against the windowsill. 

"Are we still friends?" He had no idea what they were talking about. He just felt desperate. 

Adam's smile was warm and sweet, and it felt a little like a hug. "Yeah, yes, we are. I'm sorry I said that. You're kind of cute there. I didn't know you could be like this."

"Don't push me to be like this," he muttered, hoping that Adam wouldn't hear him. 

"Won't your parents get mad? You're breaking the rules."

He nodded. "I don't care."

"Can you climb up here?"

That was a stupid idea. But he found a way, and soon Adam was pulling him inside his room. They were standing close, and he was shaking from the cold, and all it took was Adam's fingers on his chin, and they were kissing. It was different from before because this just happened. Adam grabbed the back of his neck, licked his mouth open, and then the kiss was frantic, hot, needy, and all of a sudden he was hard. 

He pulled back, pushing Adam's hands away. He was shaking more now, his teeth rattling. He'd get sick, and then his mom would kill him. 

"That was an accident," Adam said, sitting on the edge of his bed. "You're so cute. I'm sorry. I'm way too grabby. Sorry." 

"It's okay."

Adam looked at him with a funny expression. "No, it's not if you don't want it. That's... an assault or something. I'm molesting you."

Tommy snorted, then giggled. "You're not molesting me. It's fine."

"You pushed me away," Adam pointed out.

"I think I'm bi," Tommy said carefully. "I think I like you."

"Really?" Adam stood up, and Tommy backed away. 

"Stay where you are," he said, and Adam immediately stopped. "I'm not comfortable with any of this. You confuse me. Everything about you confuses me. But I like you. I really like you. And I want you to be happy. I don't want them hurting you. I don't mean it's your fault. I mean you can do something about it. It's their fault. It's their guilt. It's their lack of respect and understanding. But you can do something. You're not powerless against them. You don't have to wait for us to find out something with what we can blackmail him. You can fight back, and you should. And I want to help you."

Adam touched his cheek, and that startled him to the core. "You're so passionate," Adam said softly. "What makes you tick?"

He stared at Adam's chin, the dark gray T-shirt he had on, the freckles all over his arms. He bit his lower lip, then felt Adam's hand in his hair, pushing it back. Nobody had been that gentle with him, not this way, not in that quiet, thoughtful way. He mattered to someone, and that feeling was mind-blowing. He swallowed. 

"I wanna kiss you again. You have the cutest smile ever." 

Adam talked too much. Who said things like that? But still, he nodded, closing his eyes. When Adam's lips touched his some kind of a low noise rose from him, and he grabbed the front of Adam's shirt. It was slow again, and it felt almost like Adam was afraid to touch him, yet he wasn't. He was exploring. Then Adam pushed his back against the wall, and they were both breathing hard, Adam's lips finding his ear and throat. He panted, his mouth open, Adam's body against his own, and it was weird, and good, and so arousing he wanted to come. Adam pushed a knee between his thighs, and he tilted his head back, moaning. 

Adam stopped. "Shhhh... My parents."

Tommy nodded, still getting off on Adam's leg between his. Adam didn't seem to mind, just bit his neck, sucking a mark there. "Just be quiet," Tommy whispered, his voice broken. 

He wanted more, and Adam gave that to him, pushing a hand between their bodies, cupping Tommy through his pants. "Like that?" Adam asked, kissing his chin.

He swallowed a sound, then nodded again, biting his lips. 

"God, you can't be real," Adam whispered against his cheek, rubbing them both through their pants. Tommy was so close, so fucking close. "I wanna see you," Adam whispered, and that did it. He pushed the back of his head against the wall, hands curling tighter around the fabric of Adam's shirt, and then he was coming, Adam's hand against his lips to keep the sounds in. Adam was right there with him, and he kissed Tommy when he came, groaning into his mouth. 

Adam kissed him long after, holding him close, their bodies trembling. 

Tommy leaned his forehead against Adam's shoulder. He felt weak and shy, and he didn't know what to say. 

"You're incredible. So awesome. Beautiful. Lovely." Adam stroked his neck and hair. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

That made his vision blur. Boyfriends? He hadn't even had a girlfriend. He had no idea what it even meant. He'd be with Adam? For how long? Would others know? What about his parents? He pulled back, but Adam hadn't moved so he was still crowded against the wall. "Can we just let it be what it is?" he asked, all that fear clear in his voice. He didn't want to disappoint Adam, but this was way too much for him to process right now. 

Adam didn't say anything for a while. Then he moved away, turning his back to Tommy. "Yeah, okay. You should go. Your parents might find out - and mine too." 

Tommy nodded, fully aware that Adam couldn't see it. He took a step closer to the window, his pants feeling wet and sticky. Nice. "See you tomorrow?" he asked, wanting to know that they were friends, that this didn't change anything. 

"Do you hate the idea of being with me?" Adam asked, still not facing him. 

"No." That was a ridiculous idea. "I like you. It's the world that scares me."

"I don't have that choice, you know..."

That hurt. "I know."

"One day, I'll be out there, and people will hate me because I want to hold my boyfriend's hand."

"I know."

Adam's shoulders sank. "Go. We'll talk tomorrow. You have big news and stuff. Maybe we can change my stupid situation sooner than I thought."

Tommy reached out, wanting to touch Adam's arm, but he pulled his hand back. "I'm sorry," he said instead. 

"Don't be."

He was. He didn't know if he felt better or worse now than before he came here. "See you," he said once more, and climbed out of the window. When he was all the way down he looked up and Adam was there. 

"Thanks for coming," Adam said, and that made things so much better. He grinned, waving his hand. It could work. They would make it work.


	5. Chapter 5

The most curious thing about Tommy's mom was that she had a sixth sense. That morning, at the breakfast table, she stared at him until he caved and asked, "What?"

"You were out last night," she said, a quiet threat behind her words. 

Tommy swallowed his food down, looking at his hands. 

"What did you do?"

Dad had already left with Lisa so they were alone. He guessed Mom hadn't yet told Dad anything. "I went to see Adam because I said something that made him feel bad. I couldn't leave it at that. I'm sorry."

"You couldn't just call him?"

He hadn't even considered that option. "I wanted to make sure we were still friends. He had a bad day at school, and I made it worse."

"Do you want to see him outside of school?"

She wasn't upset? "Yeah, I'd love to go to his place sometimes if it's okay."

"What you did was unacceptable, but I like him and he likes you, and it seems you like him, too, and that's good for you." She leaned over the table, and took his hand in her own. "You're loved in this house."

He knew that. It didn't change anything. Or rather, it made everything worse.

He stood up because he couldn't take it, just walked out of the kitchen, and went to the hall. She followed him, and now she was angry. "Why do you do this?" she asked. 

"Do what?" He felt her eyes on him, but he wasn't going to look at her. 

"You're like a statue. You hold everything in. And it all explodes in the outside world. You can get angry at me. Show something."

She had never said anything like that. It was like a cold rush of water over his head, and everything about him started cracking. He had to leave, now. 

Before he got to the door she stopped him with a hand around his wrist. "We won't throw you out if you get angry. Nobody will hurt you. Why?"

He pulled his wrist free. "I don't know." His voice was cold, dead. "I'm sorry I sneaked out. I won't do it again."

She pulled her hands against her chest, staring, and he tried to smile because she wasn't doing anything wrong. It wasn't her fault. "Bye," he said to her, softer now. 

"Bye," she whispered, more surprised than anything. 

Tommy looked at her for a short moment, then kissed her cheek and ran out. He didn't want to see the aftermath of that. It was a whim. 

The school day was long and painful. He only got to see Adam alone once, and it was such a short moment all they did was make plans for later. The weirdest part was when they kinda sorta almost didn't kiss. What was that even? 

Tommy tried his hardest to ignore the assholes who made Adam's life miserable, but the truth was he couldn't handle it much longer. He had to do something, and that had to be something that wouldn't get him expelled. His temper should not get the better of him. 

The only pleasant surprise of the day was when Isaac came to sit with him during lunch. He didn't say much, but he was nice, and Tommy liked the guy, a bit grudgingly maybe, but still liked him. They talked about music, and he was surprised to hear that Isaac played the drums. It was starting to get a little hilarious; like the universe was trying to tell him that a band would be a good idea. 

The truth was maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. Adam was a great singer, and they could perform at school as well, and that could give Adam the needed cool-effect that would finally make the bullies look stupid in everyone else's eyes. 

After school, his dad wanted to talk to him, and he thought maybe Mom had said something about his nightly escapade. He was nervous, and he shouldn't have been because his dad was never scary.

Mom sent him to the garage where his dad was fixing the old sports car he'd gotten from his own dad. It was a classic beauty, and Tommy loved it. He didn't even dare to touch it.

"You wanted to see me," he said, shuffling his feet like a little kid. Seriously. 

The hood of the car was up, and Dad was doing something to the engine, a wrench in his hand. He'd tried a few times to make Tommy interested in fixing machines, but it just wasn't his thing, just like so many other guy-things. 

Dad glanced up, a stern look on his face. "How's everything?"

So, not a lecture, then? "Fine. I'm thinking of having a band." He hadn't meant to say that out loud. It just came out. 

"You are? With whom?"

"Adam's a great singer, and I got to know this other guy who plays drums. I don't know if he's any good, but I'm hoping." He walked closer to see what his dad was doing. His hands were greasy, and his worn jeans and T-shirt made him look somehow younger. That was a weird thought. 

"What about keys or bass?" There was a small smile tugging at his lips. 

Tommy shrugged. "Haven't been here long enough to know anyone."

"Do you like it here?"

He shrugged again. "Maybe."

"Dia told me you said you'd like to go to Adam's house after school. If you let us tell his parents that you're grounded and we need a call from them every time you arrive then it's fine. Is it a deal?"

Sweet. He felt like a prisoner, but it was better than nothing. "Yeah..."

"Good. You can call him after homework and ask if you can come over."

He nodded, then took a step back. "Thanks, Dad."

"Thank your mother. She's very persuasive." Now there was a full blown smile on his face, and Tommy had to duck his face to hide the smile that was spreading on his. 

"Okay, I will." 

He ran upstairs, went to the living room, and sat next to his mom like nothing was different. Except everything was because he never sat with her. She was knitting and watching a documentary about monkeys, and she didn't even look at him when he sat down.

He sat there in silence for a while, waiting for her to say something. When she didn't he scratched his knee, then bit his lip. He didn't want to be the first one to talk. 

Finally she said, "He told you, didn't he?"

Tommy nodded. 

"And it made you excited?"

Now she was milking it. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Do your homework, and you can go if it suits his parents." 

"How long can I stay?" He got up, looking at her. 

She smiled. "As long as they let you. Come home before bedtime, though." 

"Okay." 

He didn't do exactly what they asked because he called Adam first. 

Adam answered with a tired, "Hi." 

"Can I come over today?" he blurted because this was the first time in a long while he could actually do something fun. 

"What?"

"My parents like you. Mom said you're good for me." He was smiling the whole time he said that. 

"What?" Adam repeated, sounding even more confused than before.

"My ass is grounded, but it can still move to your place. Is that clear enough?"

"Oh my God! Wait." It sounded like Adam pushed the phone against his neck, and then yelled, "Moooooom, can Tommy come over today?"

There was a short pause after which Adam said, "She'd like that very much. She's eager to meet you."

"I have so much to tell you," Tommy said, unable to contain the excitement. 

"I can't wait. Come over as soon as you can."

He beamed after that. Homework was gloriously easy, and he was ready to go after less than thirty minutes. He ran downstairs, put on his creepers, and then remembered his mom and him being grounded. He went to tell her that he could go, and she promised to call Leila about their arrangement. It was humiliating, but still a small price to pay. When he stepped outside the sun was finally shining, and he couldn't stop smiling. This was the best San Diego day so far. 

Again, he ran all the way to Adam's house, only stopping at the door to breathe and calm his heart. He rang the doorbell as soon as he thought he was able to speak. 

Adam opened the door, and it was so quick Tommy guessed he'd been waiting in the hall the whole time. 

"Hi," he said, looking at Adam sideways. 

Adam grinned, his whole face lighting up. "You're here. Welcome. Hi. Come in. Please."

Tommy looked at him for a moment, then laughed. "We're stupid."

"I know. I can't help it." He grabbed the front of Tommy's shirt and pulled him in. "Come on. I want you to meet my mom. She's awesome."

That made him a little nervous, but he followed Adam into the house. It was neat and modern with a touch of warmth and color. 

"Mom, this is Tommy."

She was standing in front of a door that opened to a beautiful garden. She turned to look at them, and Tommy got a little dazzled. She was so pretty. "Hello, Tommy. I'm glad you came."

He nodded, his tongue a useless lump in his mouth.

Adam pushed him closer. "Say hi, or she won't know how awesome you are."

Tommy looked at her, then held his hand out. "Nice to meet you, Mrs. Lambert."

The smile that spread on her face reminded him of Adam's. "Please, call me Leila."

"I'm Tommy," he said, swallowing half of his voice. 

"I know." Her touch was warm and friendly, and her eyes were intelligent. 

"Can we go now?" Adam asked. "We have lots to talk about."

She tilted her head to the side, then said, "Go. Have fun."

"You have a cool mom," Tommy said when they reached Adam's room. He stopped in his tracks because Adam's walls were covered with pretty boys, glam rockers, and what seemed like a collection of postcards he'd gotten over the years. If his parents didn't know he was gay they were blind. 

"She's the best." Adam sat down on his bed. 

Tommy hesitated. Was he supposed to sit next to him? Or go to the armchair? He didn't know. 

Adam made it easy, patting the place in front of him. "Come here."

When he still didn't move Adam laughed. "You're safe with me," he said softly, a teasing smile on his face. "I won't do anything."

"I wasn't--" He shut his mouth because he was so not going to give Adam more reasons to tease him. He sat on the edge of the bed sideways, one leg bent close to his body. 

Adam just stared at him. "I can't believe we have time. I can't believe you're here." 

"Yeah." He bit the side of his thumb, embarrassed.

"I like your hair," Adam said like it was the most natural thing to say, and he even touched it, pushing Tommy's bangs back. He could've made a Mohawk out of his hair, but he liked to wear it down. Adam sighed. "My mom would never let me cut my hair like that. Do you shave the sides yourself?"

He nodded. Mia had done it before, but now, he had no one. And what happened to _I won't try anything_? Adam's hand was still in his hair. He blinked a few times, still biting his finger. 

"You have the longest lashes I've ever seen on a guy."

Anyone else, and he would've bolted, but he let Adam sweet-talk him. Why? 

"Talk," Adam said quietly. "Tell me what you found out." Adam dropped his hand, but it landed on Tommy's knee, and that didn't help much either. He tried to gather his thoughts anyway. 

"Isaac told me that at some point, Brian wanted to run away with him. Possibly because his dad is a massive asshole. He's from a super-rich family, and everyone treats him that way. Isaac was different from everyone else, and when he said he wouldn't do it Brian snapped." He paused for effect. "But that's not all... I went through his locker, and he had photoshopped pictures of some of the girls in our class - naked pictures."

"Oh my God..."

"Yeah. And also... He writes bad poetry." 

"That's a lot." Adam looked a little worried. "He's from a powerful family?"

Tommy nodded, knowing what Adam thought. 

"We can't blackmail him. He'll have ways to get rid of us."

Tommy pinched Adam's arm, and when Adam pulled back, rubbing his arm and looking at Tommy accusingly he said, "Governments get overthrown. We can handle one bully."

"What'd you do that for?" Adam's mouth was a tight thin line. 

"It's irrelevant who he is if we do this right. We need to get a picture of him with the pictures, better yet, a video. And then make it clear that if he does one thing wrong that video will be playing in all the monitors of the school, and every girl in our class will get a message about these very interesting pictures Brian uses for jerking off."

"You're ruthless." 

He huffed. "I'm practical." 

"I wouldn't want you to be my enemy." Adam looked a little scared. 

"Do I scare you?" That made him feel bad. He didn't want to seem like a horrible person. 

"A little, but not because... I'm not... I don't think you'd hurt me. I don't think you want to hurt anyone, but you have a one-track mind. You don't think about consequences." Adam looked apologetic, like he knew he'd hurt Tommy.

"Okay. Whatever." He didn't want to stay close. He didn't want to leave himself wide open for anyone to judge. He was too careless with Adam. 

Adam touched his knee again, and he wanted to pull away but didn't. "Hey..."

He bit his teeth together, not saying a word, staying as still as possible. 

"I didn't mean it in a bad way, but I do think you have issues, and I still want you to think about them. Remember: I let you help me if you help yourself, too?"

He nodded reluctantly. He remembered. 

"Do you want to talk to me at all? Or do you want to think about those things on your own?"

He hated this topic. He wanted to spat that in Adam's face. And again, he controlled the urge. "I don't know."

"Do you have any idea why you behave the way you do?"

His lip twitched; he was trying so hard to keep himself calm. "I don't know. Maybe. Parts. I don't know."

"I'm sorry," Adam said, his voice so soft it was barely louder than a whisper. "Have you ever talked to anyone?"

"You mean a shrink?"

Adam nodded. 

"Yeah, a couple of times. We had family therapy for a while when I was younger, and after the lamppost thing they forced me to talk to this one guy who thought I was nuts and wouldn't listen to me at all. He took that incident out of context, and tried to make me see that _this_ is why I did it. No. He didn't understand at all. He thought I was trying to boost my ego or something by making someone dependent on me. I don't even know. Fortunately, the guy said himself that he couldn't make me talk, and I was assigned to this other person... She was much nicer, and understood the bigger picture: the bullying, the pain the girl went through, the fact that I can't stand it when people suffer, and if I can do something to stop it I will. I can't stand it. You have no idea how hard it is for me to not do anything to help you. I feel like I'm about to explode when I'm at school. I see them, and my blood pressure rises. I can't do this."

Adam hugged him, just like that, pulled him into his arms, and held him, a long, long, long time, not expecting anything from him, and after a while he started to relax. He put his arms around Adam's middle, feeling a little overwhelmed. "Sorry," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to blurt out all that."

"It's okay," Adam said, somehow sounding distant like words didn't matter.

"Am I a basket case?"

Adam laughed. "No more than I am."

Tommy laughed with him. Yeah, they both were a little. 

Adam pushed Tommy's hair back, pulling back a little to look at him. "I can't believe you let me touch you."

His heart was beating fast again, his whole skin reacting to Adam's closeness. He didn't know what to make of all this, but letting Adam touch him made him feel, and that was nice. "I like it," he said, smiling. "Feel this." He pulled Adam's palm against his chest, just over his heart. 

Adam looked flabbergasted, like all his Christmas presents had arrived in June. 

This time he leaned closer because clearly Adam wasn't going to do it. He kissed Adam, touched his lips with his own, and then pulled back to look him in the eyes. "It's really good."

Adam was panting now, but still just staring. 

"Say something." The silence made him feel uncomfortable. 

"You do this to me." Adam pushed his hand against his hard dick, and Tommy didn't mean to let out that weird squeaky sound, but he sure as hell did. And suddenly, his mouth was too dry and he couldn't really breathe. His hand was against Adam's dick, and Adam moved his hand, keeping his own on top of Tommy's, bucking into it. 

He didn't know where to look, what to do with his other hand, and his breaths were shallow, his chest rising fast. "Oh my god, you're the insane one," he said, trying to think of something rational, something other than Adam's hand on top of his, guiding, pushing, his hips moving against his hand. 

He pushed the heel of his hand against his hard cock, staring into Adam's eyes. He was really doing this then, getting his first experiences with another guy. "Open them. I wanna see."

Adam closed his eyes, then let go of Tommy's hand and opened his pants, pushing down his boxers and pulling out his very hard dick. It was big, circumcised, and kind of cute. That made Tommy want to giggle, and _that_ would've ruined the mood. What he did instead was lick his palm, and then he wrapped his hand around Adam. It shouldn't be too different from what he did to himself. At least he knew something about sex where boys were concerned.

Adam gasped when Tommy touched him, and then fell silent, biting his lower lip. His eyes were closed, too, and his hands were to his sides like he didn't want to interrupt Tommy in any way. 

The door was not locked. Anyone could walk in. The thought was a distant buzz behind his mind that was concentrating on how soft Adam's skin felt and how intense this was. 

He licked the fingers of his other hand, and touched the head of Adam's cock, the slit and the sensitive edge of the head. And now, Adam couldn't keep quiet. He leaned back against one hand, and put another against his mouth, trying to hold back the sounds. 

He'd always thought that this would happen somewhere dark with some girl, maybe in the backseat of a car, like in movies, but here he was with Adam, stroking him, making him shiver, so hard himself he was ready to blow. 

"I'm..." Adam looked at him, his blue eyes intense and kind of grateful, too. "I'mma come."

And that's when it happened, Adam's come covering his hand, parts of it landing on the bed cover too. Adam fell back, completely boneless, and Tommy stared at his hand. He'd tasted his own spunk once. He assumed all guys had done it at least once. He wanted to taste Adam's, too, but he didn't know what to make of that. He didn't know what to make of any of this. 

"Do your parents know?" he asked, and Adam groaned. "Do they?"

"Yeah, I've told them," Adam muttered, covering his face with his arm. "They knew already, though."

"Mine don't know anything. I didn't know before I met you. How long have you known?" He wanted to wipe his hand to something, but there was nothing. He considered Adam's pants, but then chose not to do that either. He'd figure out something, or he would have to do the walk of shame to the bathroom. 

"Since I was eleven," Adam said, his voice muffled by his arm. 

"Don't expect me to know anything." He stared at Adam, frustrated that he was hiding. He wanted this to be clear. Adam had a head start. He'd had five years to get accustomed to being gay. It hadn't clearly been easy. It wasn't easy for him either.

Adam used his other hand to tuck himself back in his pants, but he still wasn't looking at Tommy. "I want to touch you," Adam said after a while. 

Right now, he wasn't on board with that plan. He was slowly freaking out, and that would've added fuel to the flames. "Don't," he said a little too tersely. 

"I hear you," Adam said. "Loud and clear. You're freaking out."

"Am not."

"You are."

"Fine." He stared at his hand again. He had to do something about it. "Do you have any tissues?"

Adam pointed at the bedside table, and Tommy leaned closer to it, and opened the drawer. There was a whole packet of tissues. He wiped his hand clean, then threw the tissue to the garbage can. He had no idea what to say after that. 

"What are we doing?" Adam asked finally.

"Exploring?" He didn't like this distance between them. Shouldn't there be some kind of closeness after sex? 

"You maybe," Adam said, and there was a lot of pain behind those two words.

"And you're not?"

"I wanna be with you. You're the one who doesn't want to name anything." 

He looked at Adam, really looked at him, then crawled next to him. "This is good. Why can't it be enough?"

Adam nodded behind his arm, and Tommy leaned over him, grabbing his wrist and pulling his arm away. Adam kept his eyes closed. He kissed Adam because that should create closeness, and somehow it did because Adam turned on his side, and pulled him close. It was a little awkward, but so comfortable, too. He wanted to stay there as long as he could. 

He woke up to something, a noise maybe, and when he opened his eyes he saw Leila at the door. Adam was wrapped around him, and he was completely trapped. He couldn't move at all. "It's time for you to go home," she said softly, trying not to wake Adam up, it seemed. "Are you two... together?" 

Tommy didn't know what to say. He kind of nodded, shrugged and shook his head at the same time. He tried to pull free of Adam's hold, but he wouldn't let go. It was so freaking embarrassing he didn't know how to be at all. Terrible, terrible situation, and Adam was sleeping through it.

"I'll leave you two be. You don't have to tell him that I saw you."

Tommy was grateful beyond belief when Leila left. He stared at Adam's lips, his chin, and the freckle army, and wished he knew what he was supposed to do. He tapped Adam's shoulder. "Hey, I have to go home." 

Adam stirred, smiling and gathering Tommy even closer. "Warm."

It was. He was sweaty. "I need to go," he said again. "Please let me."

Adam kissed his nose, and that made his mind race. He couldn't follow any of the thoughts. Everything went by too fast. "Hey, wake up!" He was getting anxious. "I can't stay."

Adam pulled back, freeing him, rubbing sleep off his eyes. "We fell asleep."

Tommy got up, staring at Adam. "I have to... See you tomorrow at school, okay" He took one step back, then another. Adam didn't move, just watched him, hearts in his eyes because he hadn't woken up properly yet. 

"Wanna have a band with me?" Tommy asked because this moment was as good as any. 

"What?"

"It's my dream." His biggest dream that he hadn't shared with anyone. His dad knew, but he didn't know the depth of it. He had no idea how much he wanted it. 

Adam stood, then walked up to him, too close, too warm, too there, and too familiar already. "That's the best thing anyone's ever said to me."

"Wanna do it?" He didn't even dare to hope. 

"Yeah, I can't even... Yeah. I want it."

Tommy rose on his tiptoes and kissed Adam on the lips quickly. Then he stepped back, turned around, and left. He could feel Adam's eyes on him, could feel the questions there too. He had very little to offer at this point, but he tried as hard as he could.


	6. Chapter 6

Two days later Tommy found himself in a situation that messed with his mind and body in equal measures. It was his fourth visit to the Lambert household, and when Leila came to let him in she just told him that Adam was downstairs and sent him there. 

He didn't expect a swimming pool, or Adam in that pool, swimming. He didn't expect all that water either, and before he'd faint like a girl he sat on the stairs and put his head between his knees, hands over his head. 

"Oh... Hi," Adam yelled, but he didn't dare take a peek. He was breathing, though, and it meant his brain got enough oxygen. 

Tommy heard Adam get out of the pool, pick up a towel, and then walk towards him. "Everything okay?" Adam asked, a careful edge to his voice. 

He nodded. "I was expecting a game room or something," he said like that explained anything. 

"What's wrong?" Adam's voice came from the level of his head so he assumed Adam had sat down. 

"I'll be fine in a moment."

Adam touched the back of his neck, and it felt nice. "You know, I really like you," Adam said softly. "You've made my life so interesting. You've changed everything, and even though life sucks most of the time at school I know it will be so much better the moment I can leave. You've done so much for me just by being you. Please talk to me."

"Can I see the picture you took of yourself in your mom's clothes?" he asked, his thoughts scattered all around the place. 

"You can see anything if you say something. I can even dress up for you if you want."

That was bribery. Tommy peeked from behind his arm, and Adam was right in his line of sight, and he couldn't see the water. "My sister drowned," he said, nothing in his voice revealing emotion. "I can't go near water. A bath is the best I can do. I have nightmares... I don't know. It's so stupid. It happened so long ago. Everyone else is fine. I'm the only one who's still affected by this." He was babbling now, but he couldn't stop himself. "And I keep thinking... I should've stopped it. Somehow."

He wasn't breathing at all, just staring at Adam who stared back, a soft scared look in his eyes.

"I try not to have it in me, but it's there. Always. This fear that I could've... maybe... done something."

"How old were you when it happened?"

"She was nine," he said, still looking into Adam's eyes.

"I meant you." Adam's hand in his neck was warm and heavy. 

"Five." Tommy bit his lips together. 

Adam pressed his forehead against Tommy's. "You couldn't have done anything."

"I saw her," he whispered. "I saw her."

"Where?" 

"In the water."

"I'm so sorry," Adam said, his breath soft against Tommy's cheek. 

"Before." He didn't know what he was saying any more. He wanted to stop. He closed his eyes, concentrated hard on putting a lid on all those emotions, and then swallowed, hiccuping at the same time. He laughed because the sound was hilarious. 

"I'm so glad you're here," Adam said, and kissed his cheek. 

Tommy agreed. Finding Adam was the best thing that had happened in his short life. "Can I see you in girls' clothes now?"

Adam snorted. "Ask me anything."

"You'll be my slave?"

"Anything."

"Don't give power to the wicked. You have no idea what I'm capable of." He pulled Adam into a hug, and it was awkward and Adam's knee was against his stomach, but it was the best hug he'd ever got. 

After a while, Adam moved, pulling Tommy up with him. "Let's go upstairs. I need to put some clothes on."

Tommy realized Adam was only wearing a towel around his waist, and maybe swimming shorts under it. He was far from toned, but he looked nice with long legs and lots and lots of freckles. When Adam noticed Tommy was staring at him he became aware of his body and tried to cover it. 

"Hey," Tommy said, grabbing the towel's edge. "Let me see."

Adam hesitated, then let the towel drop. He even modeled for Tommy, walking further away from the pool so Tommy didn't have to look at it. He had no problem with seeing lots of water if he was prepared for it. 

Adam's ass rocked from side to side as he walked in front of Tommy, making funny faces and sounds, and he couldn't help but laugh. He didn't understand why anyone wanted to bully Adam. He was so awesome. He grabbed Adam's hand the third time he walked by, and pulled him close. It was wonderful to hug him like this with so much skin and warmth. And the best part was he had the right. He pinched Adam's ass, and Adam squeaked, batting Tommy's hand away.

"You're evil," Adam muttered to his neck, and Tommy let out an evil cackling laugh. "And scary, too," Adam continued, pulling him so close it was hard to breathe. "And I think I'm falling for you."

He stopped. Really?

Adam was quiet for a moment, then asked, "Did I say too much?"

"No." 

"Good." He felt Adam's nervous laugh against his skin. "I never know with you. You're so jittery."

"Am not."

"Yes, you are." Adam bit his neck, and it felt weird-good, like there was something connecting his neck to his cock. His brain, maybe. And he was thinking too much again, and then Adam licked the skin, and he squirmed, pushing at Adam. "What?" Adam asked, panting a little. 

"I--"

Adam kissed him, and he forgot what he was going to say because that kiss went to his knees, and then he concentrated on staying on his feet. His hands held onto Adam's neck, curled in his hair there, and it was incredible. 

"Oh my god," Adam said against his lips. "You feel so good. How can you feel so good?"

That made him smile, and Adam kissed him again, more needy this time, eager to fill Tommy's mouth with his tongue, to hold him still, make him take it, and that was maybe something new. He whined into Adam's mouth, and the sound made Adam exhale sharply. 

His toes curled, and Adam's hand at the small of his back pulled him closer still, and he could feel how hard Adam was. Then Adam lifted him against the wall, and knelt in front of Tommy, trying to pull open his pants. Tommy wasn't going to stop him. He just put his hands in Adam's hair as a yes, and with a look of pure bliss on his face, Adam pulled down Tommy's zipper. Adam mouthed him through his briefs, and that had him close. He bit his hand so he wouldn't come, wouldn't make too much noise. He wanted this to last.

Adam kissed both of his hipbones, then pushed his briefs down, and freed his cock, watching it before he even touched it, and that was a little too much. Tommy closed his eyes because looking at Adam like that on his knees for him was a sure way to come too fast. Adam pushed his hips against the wall with both hands on his waist, and then leaned close, breathing against Tommy's hard cock. "Can I?" Adam asked like Tommy would ever say no. 

He nodded again, then made it clear with a soft sound that might have been a _yes_.

Adam's lips around him felt amazing. Nothing compared to it. He was glad he could grab Adam's hair because this was one of those moments he had no idea what to do with his hands. He wanted so bad to let go, to come right away, but he fought the urge. 

"You can come in my mouth," Adam said between licks and kisses. "I wanna taste you."

Adam clearly didn't want him to last longer than a few damn seconds. He forced Adam's head back, trembling from head to toe. "Don't talk," he managed to squeeze out of his lungs, and Adam smiled a devilish little smile, then blew on his sensitive skin. "Nnnngh," was all he could say because fuck, that was torture. 

Adam put a hand over his stomach, spread his fingers there, and moved even though Tommy was trying to hold him still. The heat of Adam's mouth was just too much, and Tommy felt the orgasm build in his stomach, every muscle in his body tensing. Adam sucked, then licked the underside of his cock, and he was gone, coming, crying out, too late realizing that they weren't anywhere private. 

When it was over Adam quickly pulled his pants up, stood, and kissed Tommy with a mouth that tasted like his come. It was the weirdest kiss Tommy had ever received. Adam smiled while kissing him, and that made it weird, too, like it was playful and not at all embarrassing. 

"What about you?" he whispered when his mind was working properly again. 

" _That_ was for you," Adam said, nipping at Tommy's lower lip. "And a little for me too. That was fun. I wanna do it again."

"Now?" He rubbed himself against Adam's thigh. 

Adam laughed. "You're the best, you know that? The best."

"Yeah, yeah, you just say that to get in my pants."

"I'm already way down there." Adam kissed him again, licked his lips open, and pushed Tommy against the wall with his body. He didn't know if he liked the fact that Adam was taller and stronger than him, or if it just made him feel weak. He knew he wasn't weak. He knew he'd probably win if they ever fought but still... Adam also knew how to use his size to his advantage. 

The hard on kind of sneaked up on him, and it made him laugh. They were careless. Adam's mom had come to Adam's room a few times while Tommy had been there, and she hadn't seen anything after the first time, but this would be the perfect opportunity for an awkward family gathering. He squirmed out of Adam's hold, still laughing. 

"I love that sound," Adam said, his tone a little odd. 

Tommy looked at him, trying to catch his breath. "What?"

"You laughing. Do that. Any time. I won't mind." There was fondness in Adam's eyes, and something deeper, too, and Tommy had to look away. They were sixteen, going on seventeen. This wasn't the love story of their lives. 

Adam took the towel from the floor and headed for the stairs. "If you want to see me dressed as a girl you better follow me right now." 

Tommy grinned. "Promises, promises. I'll believe it when I see it."

Adam turned around, pulled Tommy in front of himself, and chased him up the stairs, and then up the second set of stairs until they reached the door to his room. 

There was a boy standing on the opposite side of Adam's room, a door open to his room. He stared at Tommy, and the laughter died, Adam's hands still close to his sides ready to tickle him. 

"Hi," Tommy said, and the boy tilted his head, turned around and went back to his room without a word. 

"That's my brother, Neil," Adam said. "Don't worry. He doesn't like anyone."

Tommy stared at the closed door for a moment, then went to knock on it. 

He was a little surprised when Neil came to open it. "Are you the boyfriend?" Neil asked. "If you are a word of warning: he'll steal all the fun stuff and then lie to you that it was never even there." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "He's selfish."

Tommy nodded. "Duly noted." 

"I'm Neil." He held out his hand, and Tommy took it, not smiling. "Tommy."

They went their separate ways after that, and when Adam was looking at him with a funny expression he said, "I like weird people..." 

Adam just shook his head. "I don't want you two to be friends." He sounded almost desperate. 

Tommy wanted to snicker, but there were more pressing matters to think about than making Adam feel like he was heading towards a disaster. "You have a picture to show me," he said, opening the door to Adam's room. 

Adam walked past him, waited for Tommy to close the door, went to his desk, and knelt in front of it. There was something behind the drawer connected to the desk, and Adam wiggled his hand there, and pulled out the picture. "Neil sneaks into my room sometimes," Adam explained, and handed the picture to Tommy.

It was the biggest reason for Adam being the target of all that bullying. It was a silly picture, Adam posing for the camera, holding his hand high to take the picture of himself, wearing makeup and his mom's lilac dress with feathers. He had even painted a beauty spot over his lip. "This is..."

"Yeah..."

"Why'd you take it to school?"

"I was playing around with my dad's old Polaroid camera, and one of the pics probably fell into my open backpack. I didn't mean to. I never would've. It just happened."

Tommy nodded. He didn't want Adam to think like he was blaming him for something. He was just curious. "There's more of these?"

"I burned the others." 

He would've liked to see them. "Do you want to be like Bowie?" 

"I want to be free. That's what I want. Free to express myself. Madonna, Bowie, whoever has done something without caring what others think of them. I want to have the right to be who I am, and not just this cardboard cutout that fits everyone's ideas of normal. I don't feel normal. I feel silly, and wild, and stupid, and sometimes dark, and sometimes even sexy. When I was wearing that I felt sexy. So what's wrong with that? This world is so narrow. Everyone has to fit into that same mold, and I just can't."

"Then be a rockstar with me." That was his solution? 

Adam looked at him, long and hard and piercing. "You mean that?"

"I mean it." With his whole god damn heart. 

"Shake on it. Promise. We're gonna do this." 

Tommy nodded, taking Adam's hand. 

"Because any other life feels like I'll suffocate. I can't breathe in this world at all. At all."

"I know." He felt the same way. 

"You know... I'd follow you anywhere at this point. But it seems I don't have to because we're going to the same direction."

Tommy smiled. Yeah, they were. He didn't want to let go of Adam's hand.


	7. Chapter 7

It had been an easy school day. He enjoyed days when he could practically feel the time moving by, and this one had been such. The outside world had been calling for him, the sun high up in the sky, and he was glad to be walking towards the bus, glad that the day was over, glad that he could go play, and maybe meet Adam later. 

When he stepped into the bus he realized something was wrong. He sat down, feeling that terrible itch, but it took him a moment to put two and two together. The bus was only half full, and Adam was nowhere to be seen. 

Tommy ran to the front of the bus just before the driver closed the doors, and jumped out, saying he forgot something important. Then he ran as fast as he could to the school yard, not daring to think what was going on. 

He heard it before he saw anything, heard the cheering, and the sound of gravel under their shoes, and he knew. He didn't stop to think; he just rammed through the circle of people, ignoring the hand that was trying to grab his elbow, and swept Brian's feet from under him just when he was about to kick Adam who was lying on the ground. 

Tommy sat on top of him, pulling Brian's arm behind his back, forcing him face down, the anger just a whisper behind his conscious mind. He was cold and calculating, nothing else. "Stay the fuck down," he said quietly. Brian wasn't trying anything because Tommy had his arm at a breaking point, and he showed Brian how easy it would be to hurt him badly. 

He chanced a look at Adam who was staring at him, his blue eyes full of fear and his nose bloody. "Don't move," Tommy said to him, trying to sound encouraging. 

He looked around, trying to find one friendly face, but everyone was staring at him in shock: the one who stole their fun. There was nobody. Then he noticed the sandy-haired boy. "Isaac, get the teachers!"

Isaac nodded, and then turned around, running towards the school. 

Tommy hoped the shock would hold all these people at bay. He couldn't fight them all, and he didn't want to fight any of them. He wanted Adam checked. Brian had kicked him at least once before he got here. 

They kept staring at each other while the time stood still. Some of the onlookers left, clearly not wanting to be there when the clean up started, but most of them stayed, too stunned to move. It was a terrible spell, and Tommy breathed his way through it, trying to fight the urge to hit Brian until he bled dry. 

Adam hadn't moved at all. He was still lying on his side, his hands close to his head, protecting it. Tears and blood were mixing on his face, and Tommy wanted to make sure he was okay. He couldn't. He was the one who was holding the fragile peace here. 

He heard a click from his left, and turned to look at a black-haired girl who had a camera in her hands. She'd been filming the whole thing. He wanted to snarl at these people, these vultures. None of them knew who Adam was. They had no idea. 

Finally he heard the footsteps, and his shoulders relaxed. He didn't have to carry this moment much longer. 

"What is going on here?" It was the principal and he had three teachers with him, one of them being their history teacher, the young woman. 

Tommy stood up, lifting his hands. "I didn't hurt him. I only stopped the fight." He didn't want to get expelled. He wanted to stay here where Adam was. He pointed at the black-haired girl. "She filmed the whole thing."

The principal went to her, and she handed the camera to him, fighting her embarrassment the best she could. 

Tommy could feel Brian moving behind him, and he took a step away from him so he wasn't an easy target. He didn't want that nasty bastard behind his back. 

Their history teacher went to Adam to check on him, to ask questions, and to give him a handkerchief to wipe most of the blood off his face. 

Tommy didn't know what to do, and when they started clearing the situation, sending people home, and gathering Adam and Brian with them, he just stood there, feeling stupid. He asked if he could come with them, but the principal said he should go home. 

And soon he found himself standing there, alone. 

It felt surreal. He just stared at his feet, lost, then dug out his phone. It rang a few times, and each time there was no answer his heart skipped a beat. 

"Hello, dear," Mom finally answered, and he held the phone harder in his hand, fearing it might fall. 

"Can you come pick me up? I missed the bus."

"What? Why?"

"Just please... Please?"

She was quiet on the other end for a moment, then said, "You know how terrible a cook your father is. I'm not even half-way through this stew. He'll mess it up when he comes home. Can't any of your friends give you a ride?"

"This isn't Burbank, Mom. I don't have friends." He bit his lip.

"I... Of course. Sorry." She hummed low in her throat, then said, "Okay. We'll drive through a pizza place, and eat stew tomorrow. How does that sound?"

He didn't give a damn about the stew, but he didn't say that. What he said was, "I'll wait at the gate."

Tommy sat on the edge of the sidewalk, his backpack between his thighs. He didn't want to think about anything. He didn't want to think about how scared Adam had been, or how hurt he was right now, or what this would do to him. The first time someone had hit Tommy it had felt like a violation. Someone had done something that wasn't supposed to happen ever. His nose had started bleeding as well. It had hurt like hell, but the worst part had been the stunned realization that it could happen to him. It could really happen. Someone could hurt him like that on purpose. Adam had experienced it, and it would leave a mark. He didn't want those kind of marks on Adam. He didn't... He stopped that train of thought because it would only make him feel like crap. He already felt like crap. He'd done the best he could in a bad situation, and he felt like it wasn't good enough. He should've hurt Brian. He should've done something more, made him pay. 

He sat there for over thirty minutes, waiting, his mind going in circles. The more time went by the less he wanted to do anything ever again. He hated it all right now. 

Then he saw his mom's car, the red Hyundai, and got up. When he opened the passenger side door, Mom's first words were: "Oh my God, you're bleeding."

He looked down, and realized his jeans were torn from the knees, and they were bloody. Great. He'd have to pick gravel out of his skin later. 

He sat down, and she stared at him with those piercing eyes. "Were you in a fight?"

"Please, just drive." He closed his eyes, leaning his head back. 

"Thomas Joseph, talk to me." 

"I wasn't fighting. I stopped a fight." He was yelling, spitting the words in her face, so angry his hands were tight fists. 

Mom looked at him in shock, then smiled, her whole face so sad it looked odd. "I can't remember you ever yelling at me."

"Sorry." He relaxed against the seat again, trying to calm down. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize," she said, her voice warm. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Tommy sighed. "The bullies got violent, and I stopped them from hurting Adam worse than they already had. The principal has probably called their parents, and they are going through it now. It was filmed on camera so they have proof."

Mom started the engine and the car surged forward. "That's terrible. I like Adam, and his mother seems like a lovely person. Do you know why they were fighting?"

"They weren't fighting, Mom. Brian kicked him while he was lying on the ground. That's not fighting." 

Dia was silent for a moment, then said, "I'm sorry."

Tommy grunted, but he appreciated it. 

"How did you stop him?"

He looked at her, but she was staring at the road, her face solemn. "I kicked his feet from under him and sat on top of him. I probably hit my knees then."

"You know... the first time you came home with a bloody nose I was so worried. You were seven. I thought people were bullying you. I followed you around for a little while. I wanted to stop them, to whoop their ass - pardon my French - for hurting my son. Then I saw you defending that little girl, and I thought... He can handle it. I thought you would grow out of it. I thought you'd... I don't know. I thought it was just a part of you being a boy."

He swallowed hard. "Do I disappoint you?"

"What? No! I disappoint myself. I should've seen it was something else. I should've... I should've known you weren't handling it."

He didn't know what to say so he didn't say anything, just stared out of the side window.

"I thought that because you never started it, and because you were always defending others it was something you just needed to learn to channel in some healthier way. It isn't about that, is it?"

He shook his head. That was all he was going to say.

"It's about Emily, isn't it?"

He bit his teeth together. 

"It's okay," she said, soft and quiet. "I can shut up about it."

He didn't want that. "Talk if you want to."

"Did you know that we almost divorced because we couldn't handle it?"

He nodded. He remembered the quiet fights. 

"What kept us together was the grief. It was stronger than any other feeling, the need to go through it over and over and over again. And he said something that made me realize we weren't fighting because we blamed each other; we were fighting because we didn't know how to carry the self-hatred. If I had noticed, if I had not chosen to go there, if I had not had my back turned to the water for those few moments... He said to me: 'I stood a few feet away from where my daughter was drowning, and I didn't feel it. I didn't notice something was wrong. People always talk about _knowing_. I didn't have that. I failed her.' We all blamed ourselves."

"I saw her, Mom." 

"Where?"

"I saw her before she drowned. I saw her in the water. I was sitting around the fire. I remember looking at her. I saw her, and I didn't say anything."

Dia glanced at him, and her eyes felt like they saw everything. "Do you know what drowning people look like?" When he didn't say anything she continued, "They look peaceful. They don't wave their hands; they don't scream for help; they don't look like they're in trouble. That's why people can drown right before our eyes. We don't see it. The water makes us peaceful and quiet and sleepy, and when it's time, we can't do anything. It can happen to anyone. You don't realize you're tired. You don't realize you can't hold your head above the water anymore, and you just let go, sink lower, and you're gone. That's what happened to her. You were a baby, dear. You couldn't have noticed."

He had always thought that his mom would blame him for not saying anything. This... He couldn't breathe at all. "What?" he squeaked. 

"It's not your fault, dear. It never was."

"But..."

"We thought you needed therapy because you saw what happened. I never thought you blamed yourself." She looked into the mirrors, then pulled the car to the side of the road, freed herself from the seat belt, and hugged Tommy. He could do nothing to stop her. "You did nothing wrong. You held Lisa the whole time, remember? You kept her face hidden. You hugged her, sitting further away when the ambulance came, and when we were screaming, when all that happened. Only later I realized that I should've taken better care of you. There's no manual for situations like that. We didn't know what to do. We were young, and she was our firstborn. And you've always been so good. You've helped me so much. You've taken too much responsibility. Just... know that we love you so much, and it's not your fault."

He shook his head, trying to hold back the tears. He tried to understand the words, tried to take it in, but he just couldn't. Too much. 

"You've always been a little enigma," she said softly. "I've loved to watch you grow up. Please, scream at me a little, and your sister too. I know you find her annoying, and you never say anything."

He smiled because he couldn't do much of anything else. 

"Your dad might march out of the house if you yell at him so be careful if you ever do. He always comes back because he loves my cooking, but I'm rather fond of having him around so don't get him too angry."

"I won't," he whispered. 

She stroked his hair, still hugging him. "I'm glad you met Adam."

He nodded. "Me too."

"You've always made good friends."

He felt so grateful he didn't know what to do. 

"Let's go to Bronx Pizza," she finally said, letting go of him, giving him a chance to compose himself before she looked at him. 

"Yeah, okay," he said, smiling, and she smiled back, her eyes years younger.


	8. Chapter 8

He feared that he wouldn't get a chance to talk to Adam that night, but Adam called him before bedtime, or rather, his mom called to thank Tommy, and then gave the phone to Adam. 

"How are you?" Tommy asked after the short silence on the other end. 

Adam coughed. "Wait. I'll go upstairs."

Tommy waited, avoiding all kinds of thoughts, and when Adam finally said he was in his room Tommy made an agreeing sound, but said nothing. He wanted Adam to tell him everything was fine. He wanted everything to be fine. 

The first thing Adam said was: "I hit him once, too."

Tommy didn't know if he was supposed to congratulate him or what so he stayed quiet. 

"I have bloody knuckles. The last time I had bloody knuckles I fell off my bike."

"I hurt my knees," he said to say something. "They look ugly."

"He broke my lip, but the nose isn't broken."

He wanted Adam to say he was okay. Why didn't he say that?

"Want to compare war wounds?" He wanted to hit his head against the wall. Who said something like that? He bit his lips, holding his breath. 

"I want you to teach me." 

"Teach you what?"

"How to defend myself. I want to be able to do what you did." Adam didn't sound angry, just determined. "I want to know how to stop it."

He didn't want Adam thinking about things like this. He wanted Adam singing and dancing and dreaming and doing great things. He didn't want an Adam who felt the need to fight. "They are wrong, you know. There's nothing wrong with you."

"Must be something," Adam said, tough and cold. 

"Are you hurting?" He had to ask. 

"I don't know. I don't feel much of anything at the moment because of the painkillers." Still that same coldness. 

Tommy sighed. "I told my mom about everything... She... I don't know. She doesn't blame me."

Adam was quiet for a moment, like he was thinking of what Tommy said. "You don't mean what happened today." Adam seemed a little warmer, softer.

"No."

"I'm glad you talked." 

Tommy wanted to see Adam, make sure that everything was fine, but it wasn't. Adam was holding back, hiding, building a fortress. "Yeah... Talk to me now. I can't... Everything's wide open. I can't take..." He couldn't take distance right now. He'd have to end the call if Adam kept the distance, and that would break something between them. 

"There's nothing to say. He beat the crap out of me because he noticed I'd been following him around."

This happened because of him, because he asked Adam to do that? Tommy curled into a ball on his bed, trying to hold back the stupid fucking whimper. "I'm sorry," he said instead, breathless. 

"What? No. Stop that. It would've happened anyway. He was just looking for an excuse. And guess what? They're not going to do anything but suspend him for a short while because his dad is a big shot. The only reason they're even suspending him is because of my mom. You should've seen her. She didn't lose her temper once, but she was so incredibly... I don't even know... She was fierce."

Tommy smiled a little because seeing that would've been awesome. "Did they at least promise to guarantee your safety?"

It sounded like Adam jumped on his bed, a breath escaping his lungs. "They said something about adding supervision, and keeping an eye out for me. That's what they said when the picture fiasco happened. I really want to change schools, or be home-tutored or something."

Tommy wanted to say: What about me? but he didn't. This wasn't about him. This was about Adam's life, and he wasn't doing a very good job at helping him. "I suck," he said out loud, and Adam laughed, genuine and sweet, and it felt good. 

"I wish," Adam said, then added, careful and warm, "It's not your fault."

"Tomorrow's Saturday... Do you... Could we... Sleepover?" He was so very good at this.

Adam laughed again, and after a short silence, said, "Ouch, my lip's a bitch."

"Do you think your parents would let me come over?" He wanted to see Adam. 

"My mom wants to cook you dinner so yeah, they'd let you stay the night, too." The way Adam sounded excited and a lot less distant made him feel so much better. 

"If you promise me you'll never use my teachings for evil I can show you some of my tricks, too." He thought about showing Adam how to defend himself, thought about the close contact, thought about Adam's hands on him, and he had to lie on his back because hot was hot. He pushed his hand against his hard on, hissing a little. 

"I solemnly swear I'll never do anything bad," Adam said, then added, "And what are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"That didn't sound like nothing." 

He was so happy Adam was sounding more and more like himself that he carelessly blurted, "I'm thinking of tackling you." That wasn't a smart thing to say to someone who had just been at the receiving end of stupid violence. 

But instead of being upset, Adam said, "I think I could hold you down."

And now he was seeing himself under Adam, trying to fight his hold, and that wasn't helping. "You play dirty."

Adam almost choked on his laughter. "I love you. You're just... oh..."

Tommy swallowed. 

"You know, as a friend."

It was the lamest save ever. 

"You're my best friend," Adam said, stern and serious. "The best I've ever had."

"Yeah. Okay."

"I can say _I love you_ to a guy who just saved me." Adam sounded like he was pouting. 

Tommy bit his lip, trying to hold back the smile. "You can."

"Don't try to make me feel bad about it."

"I'm not. I'm just surprised." He had an overwhelming urge to hug Adam because he was being stupid.

"Well... Yeah. I love you. There."

This was cruel. He wanted to be face to face with Adam. "Ask your mom if we can have that sleepover. I'll go ask mine now." He left the phone on the bed, and went downstairs. 

He found mom and dad watching a sitcom, and he wandered closer, then cleared his throat so he wouldn't totally scare them. He managed to do that anyway. 

"What is it?" Mom asked, looking like she had seen a ghost.

"If it's okay with Adam's parents can I spend tomorrow night at their place? We never have enough time to do anything, and I'd like to make sure he'll be fine."

Mom and Dad looked at each other, and Tommy wondered how on earth they were able to communicate without words, but this had been happening since they were small kids, especially during Christmas time. "If they don't mind, you can stay," Mom said.

He smiled, taking a few steps back. "Thanks, Mom." Then he ran up the stairs to his room, and picked up the phone. "They said yes," he said, breathless. 

Adam laughed. "Mine too. You'll be sleeping next to me tomorrow."

He was too happy to say anything. 

"I wanted to ask you something..." Adam had lowered his voice to a whisper. "If you teach me to fight would you mind if I taught you to swim? I really want to. Say no if you can't, and I won't... I just... It's so much fun, and I don't want you to miss out on it."

He swallowed, sitting down slowly. "I don't know."

"You don't have to or anything. It's just a thought. But I can't stop thinking about it... Sorry."

He thought about it, Adam in the water with him. It didn't feel impossible. "I can try."

"You'd do that? You're... Tommy, you're the best."

He grinned. "I wanna go to sleep."

"Why?"

"I want tomorrow to be now."

Adam made a funny sound. "You always make me feel better, you know that?"

"I try."

"You're so good at trying." It sounded like Adam kissed the phone. 

He kissed it back before he could stop himself. He didn't want to think that Adam would think he was stupid. He just wanted to have fun, to enjoy his life a little. 

"Tommy Joe, did you just kiss the phone?"

He laughed. 

"You did. You're the coolest non-boyfriend I've never had."

He bit his cheek, then said, "Good night. See you tomorrow. I'll try to be there as early as possible."

Adam hummed. "Yeah, please."

They ended the call, and Tommy let himself fall on his back on the bed. He felt light and happy even though the day had been terrible. They'd have fun tomorrow. 

He slept better than most nights, but he woke up late. It was good, though, because he wanted to go to Adam's and that couldn't happen at nine in the morning. Noon was more likely. 

Mom wanted him to make pancakes with her, and Lisa asked him to hang one of her framed pictures on the wall, not Mom, not Dad, but him, and it felt good to hit the nail to the wall even though she was bitching about the place the whole time. It was a cute picture of her friend's dog, and he kind of knew that Lisa wanted one, but she was allergic, and he appreciated her asking him to do it. He even ruffled her hair which made her scream at him because he messed up her do, but even that couldn't dampen his good mood. 

He was going to see Adam. He'd spend the night with him. 

Nothing escaped his mom, though, and she was suspicious about the permanent smile on his face, especially since just yesterday he had been in a fight, and this was supposed to be him checking on Adam, not just a fun get-together. 

"Tommy," she said to him while Dad and Lisa were outside, and they were washing the dishes in the kitchen. "Do you like-like him?"

He almost swallowed his tongue. "What?" She couldn't be onto them. She wouldn't let him go to Adam's if she was. "No," he said, his face probably as white as a sheet. 

"It's okay," she said, handing him another plate to dry. 

He took it, barely breathing at all. 

"I like the idea."

He looked at her, but she was concentrating on the dishes. She didn't seem like she had been abducted by the aliens, though. "We're not," he said, stern. 

"Pity." There was a smile on her face, just at the corners of her mouth.

"Don't meddle with my business." She had practically given him the right to rebel at home. He tried that now. 

She bit the smile off her lips. "Okay."

"Can I get a lock to my door?"

"No."

"Figured."

"But I promise to knock."

"Lisa's the problem," he said, leaning against the counter, enjoying the sun that shone through the window to his left. 

Mom put her hand on his shoulder. It looked like she wanted to hug him, but she stopped herself in time. "Have fun with Adam. You can go."

He looked at her, then took a step towards the door. He had packed his bag first thing in the morning. It was waiting for him in the hall. "I can go?"

"Go."

Tommy ran. "Bye," he yelled from the door, and then he was on his way. He could see Adam. He could make sure he was fine. 

When he reached the house he smiled because Adam was waiting for him, siting on the steps of their porch. Then he sobered up because there was a bruise on Adam's cheek, a band aid over his nose, and his lip looked pretty bad with an open wound. At least he didn't have a black eye. 

"Hi," Tommy said to Adam, walking towards him slowly. "You look good." What possessed him to say that was beyond him, but it was kind of true. 

"You should see the other guy," Adam said, trying not to smile because the lip was clearly hurting. 

"Yeah..." Tommy dropped his bag to Adam's feet, still looking at him. "I didn't hurt him because I want to stay here. I wanted to... so bad." 

"I'm glad you didn't," Adam said, his voice warm. "I wanna keep you."

What was he supposed to say to something like that? "Yeah..."

"Come." Adam stood up, took his hand, and pulled him in. Tommy was barely able to grab his bag, and he almost stumbled on the stairs, but Adam held on, and it felt wonderful. 

"Mom!" Adam yelled, and then touched his mouth, wailing. 

Leila came to the hall, and before Tommy could do anything she hugged him. "Thank you."

Tommy just stood there, a little lost, and kind of happy. They liked him. "It was..." He tried to say it was nothing, but that wasn't true. He'd do it again in a heartbeat, anything for Adam. The thought would've dropped him on his knees if Leila hadn't been holding him. 

After a short while, she let go of him, patting his arm, and then she kissed his forehead as though not knowing what to say and still wanting to make sure he knew that she appreciated what he'd done. He got it. He really did. 

"We'll have dinner in two hours," she finally said, taking a step back, smiling to them both. 

When she was gone Adam looked at him and whispered, "You have no idea how annoying she's been."

"She's worried about you," he whispered back, his voice breaking a little because Adam took his hand again. 

Instead of pulling Tommy up to his room, Adam went down the stairs that led to the pool. Tommy tried to stay on his feet, his heart acting up, making him feel lightheaded. "I don't..."

"You don't," Adam said, soft and teasing. "I won't make you. I just want to spend time there. It's my favorite place in this house, and you know what's down there. We're not doing anything."

Tommy thought about what had happened the last time they were by the pool. Adam's mouth around his cock had been a pleasant surprise. "So what are we going to do?"

"I'mma kiss you," Adam whispered. 

"You have a bloody lip."

"Exactly."


	9. Chapter 9

Tommy let Adam drag him to a room at the back, sporting a hard on, and wondering what the hell Adam meant by _Exactly_. He noticed the smell of chlorine in the air, but he didn't even look at the pool. It didn't matter. Adam's hand in his mattered.

The room had a cozy-looking couch, two armchairs, and a huge fireplace, and there was another door to Tommy's left, leading to who knew where. He didn't really care because Adam finally stopped and turned around. 

Tommy was still clutching his bag, and when he realized that he dropped it. That was a bad move because now he had a free itchy hand that had nothing to do. He wanted to push his fingers through Adam's hair. 

"You're so pretty," Adam said, staring at him. They were still holding hands. 

He'd heard many things about his looks, most of them bad because he was small for his age, and he sometimes looked like a girl. "Too pretty," he muttered, scrunching his nose. 

Adam made a funny face, like he was trying to say something, smile, and mimic Tommy's look all at once. "Oh my God... I just wanna eat you up." 

"What?" That was weird. He looked up at Adam, biting his lip. 

"All your looks are more entertaining than any movie or TV show I've ever seen. Seriously. You have the most interesting face ever."

He wanted to laugh, but Adam was looking at him like he was some kind of a masterpiece, and that made him feel self-conscious. "My nose is funny," he said, staring at Adam's chin because his eyes were too focused on him. 

Adam kissed the tip of his nose, and he groaned, trying to get away, but Adam grabbed his shoulder. "Don't go," he said, a begging tone in his voice. 

Where would he go? He wanted to ask that, but Adam put two fingers under his chin, and tilted his head up for a kiss. It was light because no matter how bold Adam's words were his lip still hurt. His tongue didn't, though, and he licked at Tommy's lips, licked them open, licked Tommy's tongue, too, and it felt amazing. 

Adam pulled back, looking at Tommy, taking a step towards the couch. "Come."

Tommy followed him, his eyes on Adam's, their hands linked. His heart raced. 

It was weird because Adam sat down, and pulled Tommy with him, but when Tommy tried to sit next to him Adam pulled him in his lap, hands on Tommy's waist. He straddled Adam's thighs, his hands on Adam's shoulders, and suddenly everything was so, so serious. 

"Okay?" Adam asked, kissing the underside of his chin. 

Partly okay, mostly weird, but he didn't want to stop so he nodded. He looked at Adam when Adam's hands sank lower to his ass, pulling him closer against the hard line of Adam's cock. His breath caught, but he couldn't stop staring, and Adam made him move, made him rub against him. 

"I want to come like this," Adam said quietly. 

Tommy bit his cheek because he didn't want to make a sound, then said, "Me riding your dick?" He didn't know what to think of that so he tried not to think. His mouth had always been bolder than he was. 

Adam closed his eyes for a second, his hold on Tommy's ass tightening. "Yeah, fuck, please."

He let go of Adam's shoulders and arched his back, resting his hands against Adam's knees. This was so fucked up, so beyond his comfort zone, but the change in Adam's breath was so worth it. He arched his neck back too.

"Oh my fucking god..." Adam was barely audible. He grabbed Tommy's hair with his left hand, pulling him up and into a kiss, hissing into Tommy's mouth when the wound burned him. 

Tommy held onto Adam's neck, fingers curling into his hair, letting Adam move his body the way he wanted, wondering how long it would take until he creamed his pants. Fuck, he only brought one pair of underwear. 

"You're... Jesus. Fuck." Adam kissed his neck, then his ear, panting close to his skin, and Tommy started shaking because warm breath anywhere near his neck had that effect on him. He kissed Adam's cheek, just below the bruise, shaking, shaking until he couldn't take it anymore. 

"Please..."

Adam pulled him even closer, like he wanted Tommy to mold into him, one hand still on Tommy's ass, the other sliding up and down his back, yearning. "Please come," Adam whispered. "I wanna see you like this."

A tiny part of him was afraid, but most of him was so fucking ready, and he grabbed Adam's arm, his nails digging into his skin, shaky small sounds coming out of his mouth when the orgasm hit him. Adam kissed the last sounds off his lips, his whole body tensing, the hand on his waist holding him too hard. 

"Whoa..." Adam whispered, kissing his hair. "Oh... Ouch..."

He had to move his hips back, had to touch the front of Adam's pants to feel the wetness there. "Why'd you want me like this?" he asked, not uncomfortable, just curious. He wanted to concentrate on something other than the mellow buzz in his brain.

"Did you like it?" Adam asked, mostly careful. 

He nodded, moving his hips experimentally, making Adam gasp. "Weird but good, kind of girly."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah."

"Ever watched Gaytube?" Adam asked, his hands holding Tommy still.

"Uhhuh." He didn't look at Adam, just their groins, the way they were still touching. 

"I don't want that. I don't want just sex. I imagine all kinds of things, and I always feel like people who make those videos have no imagination." 

"Mia always says women should write all the porn." He kissed Adam's cheek again, kept his own cheek close to Adam's. 

"I could write all the porn," Adam mumbled, but Tommy heard him anyway. He snorted. He knew that feeling. 

They sat there for a short while, but cold, sticky come in his pants didn't feel so nice, and it got stuck to his pubic hair. That shit hurt. 

Tommy got up, wondering what he should do when Adam said, "Wanna shower with me?"

Tommy looked at him, surprised. "Won't your parents wonder?"

"I told Mom I was gonna teach you to swim, and that they shouldn't bother us because you're afraid of water."

Tommy frowned. He didn't want everyone knowing his weaknesses. 

"There's a shower here," Adam said, smiling. "We should at least get wet."

 _We already did,_ Tommy wanted to say, but didn't. Instead he nodded. "Yeah, okay. Sounds good."


	10. Chapter 10

Tommy undressed slowly, glancing at Adam every now and then through his fringe. He tried not to be nervous, or weird, or confused, but everything about Adam made him feel a little overwhelmed. 

The bathroom was nice with dark gray floor made of tiles that looked like stones, and one of the walls was lighter shade of gray while the rest were white. The shower was big enough for both of them. 

"You're quiet," Adam said, taking off his sweatpants.

"Sorry." He was down to his T-shirt and briefs now, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. 

Adam touched his arm, squeezed it a little. "I'm glad you're here."

Tommy smiled. He was glad, too. He enjoyed Adam's company. But he also felt a little off, like he wasn't entirely here. 

Adam pulled his shirt over his head, and Tommy inhaled, sharp and edgy. There was a large black and blue mark on Adam's midriff, and he had to touch it, his fingers light against Adam's skin. "Does it hurt?" he asked. 

"Nothing's broken. He didn't even crack my ribs so it's okay."

"I didn't ask that." Tommy moved closer, looking at his pale hands against Adam's much darker skin. He'd been to hospital once because he thought he could take someone down and that someone hadn't agreed. It wasn't serious, just looked bad, but Mom wanted to make sure he wouldn't die while sleeping or something. They had checked Adam: no internal bleeding, no broken bones, but parts of Adam were missing. 

"It hurts when I breathe," Adam finally said. "I breathe deep because I sing. I never realized how deep..."

He moved forward, wrapping his arms around Adam, following blindly his need to touch. "Ouch..."

"Yeah." Adam put his arms around Tommy. It was light and easy and comforting, and they stayed like that for a while, then Adam pushed him to an arm's length. "Shower?"

Tommy looked up, saw the eager light in Adam's eyes, and nodded. 

They pulled the rest of their clothes off in a hurry, and stumbled into the shower, laughing. The laughter covered up the fact that they were a little embarrassed to be naked in front of each other. 

There was only one shower, and they shared it, the warmth of the water making Tommy breathe a little easier. 

They were quiet for a long while, and the atmosphere changed. It felt like the rest of the world didn't exist outside this shower they were sharing.

"I know I have lots of good things in my life," Adam said finally, letting the water rush over his face, not looking at Tommy. "I should be grateful."

Tommy looked at Adam, the tense line of his neck, the way he'd pulled his hands close to his chest, but he said nothing. 

"I'm not alone," Adam continued, and Tommy let him. "I've never been alone. My family loves me. I have friends. I have you. I'm really lucky." Adam bit his lip as though thinking if he should continue. "But sometimes... I don't want any of this. If this is the life I'm going to have it's not what I want. I want to give it back. I want to get away. I want to lie down, and say: 'Fine. I give up.' I'm not strong enough. I've never been strong enough."

Tommy leaned closer to Adam, shivering a little. One shower head for two people wasn't quite enough to keep him warm. He'd been raw and open since yesterday, and oddly enough, the fact that Adam was sharing made him feel better. Everything he'd said was terrible, but how he'd said it made Tommy feel like they were in this together. "There's always a way," he said, kissing the side of Adam's shoulder. "You don't have to do it this way. If you want we can convince your parents to let you change schools. It all depends on how persistent we are. What we want, where we want to go, who we want to be. It takes time, and in the meanwhile things might be shitty. Sometimes they are. Sometimes everything sucks, but we can concentrate on the things that are already working."

Adam turned to look at him, his eyes fierce. "What if he comes after you?"

He hadn't even thought of that.

"He didn't know you existed. Now he does. You stomped on his ego. He's not gonna take that lightly."

Tommy smiled because it was absurd that Adam was worried about him after everything that had happened. He was the least of their worries. "Hey, don't worry. I can take care of myself."

"Can you?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

Adam grabbed his wrist. "I can't be the one who thinks about us both. If I asked you to come swim with me right now, would you?"

Tommy shrugged. He wanted to pull his hand free because this was similar to the very first time Adam told him he should figure out why he did all these crazy things. 

"I push you. I don't know all the limits. You should say if you don't like something, or if I move to fast, or if... I don't know." Adam was tense, and he wasn't making much sense to Tommy, jumping from subject to subject. "It's too much responsibility if I have to worry about your limits all the time, too. You need to tell me. Please."

"What brought this up?" He was confused, staring at Adam, feeling a little weird standing there naked, Adam's fingers curled around his wrist. 

Adam frowned. "I want everything with you. I don't know what you want. Sometimes I feel like you want the same things, but... like now... I feel like I make you do things."

 _Oh..._ He was a little slow on the intake right now because this was so new. "I don't want to be the girl of the relationship, that's all."

Adam stared at him. 

"Like... I don't want to feel like I have to be weak to please you or something." He felt the blush spreading, and he wanted to duck his face, but fuck it. He was going to talk to Adam about this because Adam had shared some pretty big things. 

The expression on Adam's face changed from anxious pain to confused relief. "There's no girl in this relationship," Adam said, kind of questioning because he didn't seem to believe that this was Tommy's concern. "I like you the way you are. The fact that you can actually protect me is pretty damn hot to me, and yeah, I love the idea of pinning you down, but that has nothing to do with... strength and everything to do with the right to make you take what I want to give. And I don't have that right, not yet anyway... and I keep doing it, and you let me, and... don't."

He smiled, grabbing Adam's neck. "You think you could hold me down?"

Adam growled. "Don't change the subject."

"What subject?"

"You let me. You'd let me take you to the pool, too. I can't take that responsibility. I can't read your mind. I don't know what you can take, and what you don't like. Please." The anxious tone was back in Adam's voice, and Tommy wondered what the heck he'd done wrong. 

"Um... I like what you do." 

"I know. That's not the problem. I don't know what is. I just don't want to push you into things you haven't even thought of before."

"You don't make any sense to me right now." It was the weirdest conversation he'd ever had with anyone, and he was naked for it. A part of him wanted to laugh, but he didn't because of the way Adam was looking at him. 

"You don't care what anyone does to you," Adam said, clearly forcing the words out of his mouth. "I want you to know that you want this. I want you awake and bitchy and whatever you are at any given moment. You. I don't want you to be anything to me, or what you think I want you to be. I want you."

"I--"

"I'm not finished yet." Adam grabbed his other wrist, too. "I know I have ideas about you, the way I see you, and I know you don't like them, but you also don't want anyone to see the real you. I want to know that person. I don't care what you can or can't do as long as it's you I'm with."

"I'm me," he said, sounding kind of small. 

"I know, but I want you to see that too. I want you to see what I see." Adam pushed him out of the shower and made him stand in front of the mirror. Adam stood behind him, one arm around his stomach, the other on his chin. "I loved what we did out there," Adam said softly. "But you let me do it, and I don't want any letting... God, I can't explain this at all." In frustration, Adam bit his shoulder, and Tommy just stared at him in the mirror. He was too shocked to say anything. 

Adam looked at him over his shoulder, then kissed his neck. "I don't want to be like them," Adam said. "I don't want to think like I have a right to do something just because I want it. Do you get it?"

He got it. He also got that Adam was taking everything a little too seriously. "I don't feel meaningless when I'm with you."

Adam locked eyes with him in the mirror, but said nothing. 

Tommy blushed. Fuck his stupid body. "So quit worrying about that. From day one you've forced me to think about things, and I'm doing my best to... solve those stupid things, but it's not here." He waved a hand in a circle, trying to make it clear he meant them. "If I feel off, or if I say weird things... It's because you affect me, and I like that, but I've only been gay for like a few weeks - or whatever the hell I am. And I meant it: I don't want to be the girl. I can't play the weak card. It's not me."

"You're a sexist pig," Adam said, smiling to the curve of Tommy's neck. "Girls aren't weak."

"I know that," he said, frustrated. "You know what I mean."

"I actually don't know. What do you mean by being the girl?"

Adam was going to make him explain? "I'm smaller than you. Doesn't mean I want to sit in your lap and just take it."

"What? So you didn't like it?"

"I did." He bit his lip. This wasn't working. 

"Then what's the problem?"

"Not always, I don't want... I want you like that too. I want to do that to you. I want you to lose it with me." 

"Oh..."

"Yeah."

Adam's smile was brilliant. "I have no problem with that."

"Good." He shivered. "I'm cold. Fetch me a towel."

"Bossy." Adam smacked his butt with an open palm and he squeaked. _Fucking hell._

Adam wrapped a towel around his waist, but didn't give Tommy's towel to him. Instead, he used it to dry Tommy, and Tommy let him because it was nice. He even closed his eyes. "Enjoying it?" Adam whispered in his ear, and he hummed, nodding. "God, you're so cute."

"I'mma use it against you," he said, a smile tugging at his lips.

"You already do." Adam kissed his neck, and wrapped him into a warm embrace. "The thing I said on the phone... I meant it."

He nodded again, holding onto Adam's arms. "Thank you."

"Thanks for saving me."

"Anytime."

***

The dinner with the Lamberts was one of the best things he'd ever experienced. Adam's dad, Eber was the funniest sarcastic man he'd ever met, and he constantly challenged his sons into conversations about music, politics, games, the neighbors, their next trip to the grandparents, whatever he could think of, and it was always a real challenge. He didn't give them a time to breathe at all. 

Leila smiled to Tommy when he glanced at her, his eyes questioning. "Three men in the house. I let them blow off steam with each other so I have the mellow normal guys whenever I have to do something with them."

Tommy nodded, and turned back to watch the back and forth conversation battle. It was more entertaining than any game of sports.

"I like your family," he said to Adam when they reached his room after dinner. 

"They like you," Adam said, turning to face him. "Wanna watch a movie? I've been meaning to watch Constantine like forever. Keanu Reeves is still hot, but it has monsters, and I'm not that into those."

"I love monsters," Tommy said, sitting on Adam's bed, waiting for him to put the movie on. 

"Of course you do." Adam sat next to him, pushing the pillows back, and putting his arm around Tommy's shoulders. 

"I want tattoos, monster tattoos, zombies and vampires. All my favorites."

"Where?" Adam asked, hitting Play. Adam's TV was on top of a cabinet at the end of his bed, a small widescreen one that had a perfect picture quality. Tommy loved it already. 

"My arms. I want sleeves. Mom hates the idea." He hadn't seen this movie before so he concentrated on it, but didn't miss the way Adam looked at his arms. 

"They'll look pretty with ink."

Tommy nodded. "I don't really care. I want John Wayne, too." 

"He's not pretty." 

Tommy glanced at Adam in time to see the way he scrunched his nose. "He's cool."

"You have weird heroes, you know that?"

"Shhhh... I'm watching a movie." He got more comfortable, resting his head against Adam's chest, one arm draped around Adam's stomach. He was careful not to touch the bruised part of his body, though. 

It was an okay-ish movie, and Adam was right, Keanu Reeves was still hot, but the best part was to watch it with Adam, to have that comfortable space between them to do something so mundane, curled next to each other. 

When the movie was over the sun had started setting, and he wanted to fall asleep like this. "I never want to get up," he mumbled. 

"I'd keep you here forever," Adam said, sounding sleepy. 

Tommy push-pulled at the blanket to get it somewhere around them, and Adam helped him. "Will your mom bother us with a guest bed?" He didn't want to even brush his teeth. Too tired, too comfy, too happy. 

"If we're already asleep she won't dare. Let's pretend if she comes in too early." Adam giggled. "Everything about you is fun."

He nodded. 

"Do you think bad things happen so we would appreciate all the good things?"

"I believe good and bad things happen because they happen." He rubbed his nose against Adam's shirt because it itched. "It's up to us to learn from those things."

"You don't believe in anything?" Adam drew circles on his back, and it felt like he was important. Things like that were so simple to Adam. He envied that a little.

"I believe in doing the right thing. I believe in people. I believe life is too short for _knowing_ anything." 

Adam laughed softly. "I believe in all kinds of things. Does that bother you?"

Tommy grinned to Adam's shirt. "You're a smart kid. You think about things. The only time it truly bothers me is when people believe in things that are told to them, never questioning, never thinking for themselves. That's how we create people who spout hatred in the name of god."

"Yeah..." Adam was quiet for a while, then said, "What's your sign?"

Tommy moved to look at Adam in the dark. "Thinking about compatibility?"

"I'm an Aquarius. When's your birthday?"

"October 18th. So what's my sign?" Tommy leaned closer, almost touching Adam's lips with his. 

"Libra. Perfect." Adam licked his lips, then stuck out his tongue to lick Tommy's, too. "We match."

"Good to know," Tommy said, following Adam's tongue back to where it came from. "I hadn't noticed that before." 

The kiss was slow, and so much what Tommy wanted right now. He moved on top of Adam, pushing Adam's hands against the mattress. "Don't move. Don't let out a sound." He kissed Adam one more time. "And don't touch me."

Adam nodded, his eyes sharp in the darkness. 

Tommy let go of Adam's wrists, pulled his shirt over his head, and then grabbed the hem of Adam's shirt. Adam lifted his back enough to help Tommy get it off of him. 

He was sitting on top of Adam, his legs straddling Adam's hips, and he was staring down at Adam. The streetlights gave the room an eerie feeling, and he loved it, loved the way shadows played on Adam's skin. 

Adam's chest rose with each inhale, and Tommy put his hands on top of it, wanting to know how it felt to rise with those breaths. He closed his eyes. 

There was a sharp knock on the door, and Tommy nearly had a heart attack. For a second he didn't know what to do, but then Adam took hold of his waist and moved him next to himself on the bed. Adam threw him his shirt, and he quickly pulled it back on. His heart was in his fucking throat, and his hands were shaking. Crap. 

Adam clicked the TV on and said, "Come in."

The door opened slowly, Leila peeking from behind it. Tommy didn't dare to look at her directly; he was that shaky. "We're going to bed. Eber will bring the guest bed soon. Do you guys need anything?"

"No thanks. We'll fix the bed," Adam said, nothing in his voice revealing what they'd been doing. Tommy was sure Adam's mom knew, though. 

"Good night," Leila said. "Sleep well."

Tommy made some kind of a funny sound while Adam said good night too. 

When Leila was gone Adam started to laugh. 

"It's not funny." It was a little funny, but it was also the first time he'd almost been caught doing something like that. 

"Haven't your mom every walked in on you while you were jerking off?"

Tommy bit his lip. "I've always been careful."

Adam couldn't stop laughing at all, and soon he had trouble breathing. "Oh my god..."

"Not funny," he mumbled, pursing his lips, and Adam pushed him on his back and under him so fast he could do nothing to stop him. He tried to make Adam lose his balance by wiggling his body from side to side, but Adam was heavy and using it effectively against him. "Get off me. Your dad will be here any second."

"So?"

"So?! Are you kidding me?"

Adam bit Tommy's lower lip, pushing his hands above his head. "I want you like this."

Tommy stopped squirming, stopped breathing too, because Adam's eyes were dark. "Fine. Get me like this some other time."

Adam just looked at him, then giggled against his neck. "You're the best. The best." He rolled off Tommy just in time because a minute later Eber walked in without knocking, carrying a folded bed. 

"Here you go. Leila said there's an extra blanket in Adam's closet, and he has more than enough pillows to give one to you. Sheets are in the closet, too." Eber looked at them for a moment, then when neither of them said anything he took a step back. "Okay, behave. Don't stay up too late, and if you want to watch movies use earphones."

"Okay," Adam said, clearly trying desperately to hold back the laughter. 

"Good night." Eber closed the door after he walked out without waiting for their response. 

"Your parents know," Tommy said. 

Adam made a face. "They are good at guessing things. Do you mind?"

Tommy thought about it. He didn't even know what they were doing, but he knew he didn't want the rest of the world to spoil it. Their parents weren't that much a part of the rest of the world, though. "A little," he said finally. 

"I really wanna be with you," Adam said softly. "But I'll do this your way. I'll do anything as long as you let me be close to you. If you ever decide you don't want any of this I'll do that, too." 

"It sounds like you're not taking your own advice." Tommy lay down, looking at Adam. 

"What advice?"

"You want me to know my worth and stand up for myself. That doesn't sound like you're doing it."

Adam looked hurt. "What else am I supposed to do? I don't want to lose you."

Tommy didn't know. How could he? "Don't give everything to me until you know I'm in it with you." 

"Do you have any idea how crazy you sound? I can't control my heart. I want you. I want to be with you. It's that simple to me. To you it's something else, and I have no idea what it is. What are we to you? What do you want?"

They were so freaking good at being serious all the damn time. "I don't know. I'm doing the best I can. I want your situation at school cleared, and then I can start thinking about what we are and what I want. I really like you. I like how this feels. I like everything about this. But I don't know what I want in the long run. I can't know. I've never even thought about it. I thought I would meet some nice girl one day. I wasn't in a hurry. I'm not in a hurry now either. I never thought I'd find someone who feels like... like I could spend a lot of my time with them. I don't want to think what this is. I don't want it to be so serious. I don't want to get hurt. I don't know." He hadn't meant to say most of that. He didn't even know he'd been thinking about these things. 

"So... It's too serious?"

"A little."

"But... Don't you even want to see what could happen?"

"What? No, that's not it. I don't... I just want to breathe a little - not try to fight every fucking fight all the damn time. I don't want problems. I want to play. I want a band. I want to experience things. I want to move out and see the world a little. I want to do things."

Adam looked confused. "And how would all that change if you had someone to share that with?"

"We're sixteen. It can't last."

Adam sat up, looking down at Tommy, frowning. "Are you... You're afraid that it won't."

Tommy closed his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. "Whatever."

"You are." There was wonderment in Adam's voice. "You like me."

"Of course I do," he muttered. 

"You're saying we met too early."

Tommy shrugged. 

"People stay together. Some do. Some meet when they are in high school."

"Shut up." This conversation should be filed under those stupid things that never see the light of day. 

"You want us to stay together, and that's why you don't want to start anything." Adam touched the side of his face with his knuckles. "We could be one of the exceptions that break every rule."

"And what if we aren't?" It would burn him to ashes. He didn't understand why people wanted to fall in love so carelessly. Nothing good would come out of it when things turned sour. 

"What if we are? Are you willing to walk away just because we might not be?"

"I don't want to go through that." He bit his teeth together, pouting too. 

"What if we make a promise here and now that we'll always love each other, no matter what happens? That we'll always be friends, that we'll always stay close?" He felt Adam leaning over him, whispering in his ear, "I already love you."

That was one of the things that were scary. How could he ever live up to that feeling? "Can we drop this, please?"

Adam sighed, then kissed his ear. "Okay."

Tommy relaxed, breathing out, letting his arms fall to his sides. 

"But I want you to know that I'm gonna be here. I'm kind of infatuated by you, and I'm not gonna let go."

It felt good to hear that, no matter how difficult it was to accept it. "Okay."

"Do you want to sleep in your own bed?" Adam asked, lying down next to him, putting an arm around him. 

He shook his head. 

"Wanna sleep with me?"

He smiled, nodding. 

"I won't promise to keep my hands to myself, though." Adam kissed the side of his mouth. 

"Feel free to molest me." He moved his head to the side so he could kiss Adam on the lips.


	11. Chapter 11

"Tommy, wake up."

There was a warm hand against his shoulder, and for a second he thought something was trying to hurt him, but then he realized it was Adam, a very concerned and wide-eyed Adam. 

He'd had another nightmare. He could see that in Adam's eyes. He'd never slept in the same bed with anyone, and he didn't know how much he tossed and turned, or if he made noises. He should've remembered. "Sorry I woke you up," he whispered, and Adam pulled him into a hug, crushing him a little. 

"You sounded like someone was torturing you," Adam mumbled against his skin. "God, I've never heard anyting like that. Do you have nightmares often?"

He didn't want to say that it happened every night. "Yeah, sometimes."

"That's just awful." Adam kissed his cheek, then his nose, and finally his lips, gentle and careful, and it was a new, rather wonderful way to wake up from a bad dream. 

Tommy snuggled closer, feeling warm and comfortable. It was a little funny to realize that he liked being petted. He let out a soft sound, curling in Adam's arms, and he could feel Adam's laughter. 

"You're like a kitty," Adam said, lips brushing his ear. "I can almost hear you purring."

To make Adam laugh some more, he purred. 

Adam pulled him into an even tighter hug, wrapping his arms and legs around Tommy, trapping him. "Oh my god, you're too wonderful."

He let Adam hold him, breathing in and out, enjoying Adam's scent. He kind of loved his life. "You know what I could do right now?" he asked. 

"You want a teenage boy to answer that?" 

Tommy smiled against Adam's neck. "Teach me to swim."

"Now?"

"Yeah. I want to do it."

Adam pushed Tommy's hair back, looked into his eyes. "Right this minute?"

"We could sneak downstairs. Nobody would bother us. It's night. The world isn't awake yet. We're alone. I think I could do it."

Adam sat up, taking Tommy's hand. "Okay. Get your stuff."

Tommy rummaged through his bag, looking for his swimming trunks while Adam went to find his from his cupboard. 

They walked downstairs on their tiptoes, trying not to laugh or make any other sounds. It was fun and exciting, and Tommy loved Adam for doing this with him. 

His breaths became light when they reached the pool, and the fear gripped his throat, but he wanted to do this. He followed Adam to the edge of the pool, holding his hand, staring at Adam's back rather than the water. 

"You don't have to, you know," Adam said quietly, looking at him. Adam had switched on the atmospheric lighting, nothing more, and he also had a few candles with him. Tommy didn't care: lights, no lights, it was still going to be up to his neck pressure everywhere around him. 

He shook his head. He didn't want to stop now. 

"Okay." Adam let go of Tommy's hands, quickly undressing and changing into his swimming trunks. Tommy did the same, following Adam's lead, unable to think for himself right now. 

When Adam lit the candles Tommy thought about escaping. He was hugging himself, shivering. Then Adam stood again, holding his hand out. "Sit on the edge for a while. Get used to the water," Adam said. "I'll go into the pool."

He nodded, taking Adam's hand, letting him sit him down next to the candles. He didn't want to let go of Adam's hand, but he had to. He didn't dip his feet into the water. He just sat there, cross-legged. 

Adam went down the ladder to the water, and Tommy couldn't stop staring. He wanted to scream at him to get out of there. It was so bizarre. His fear had never extended to another person.

"I'm fine," Adam said, swimming closer to him. It was the shallow end of the pool, and Adam put his feet to the bottom, standing in front of Tommy. 

Tommy touched his wet hair, the side of his face, his chin. Somehow he had to make sure. 

"If I hold your hands will you let your feet touch the water?" Adam looked at Tommy's hands in his lap, and Tommy held them out. "Breathe," Adam said, taking his hands. 

Adam would be standing between his thighs if he dared to let his feet down. He tried that, but it felt like the water was swallowing him and he couldn't. He thought about the monsters of his dreams, those crawling four-legged beasts, and he wanted to pull away. 

"Hey... You can just sit there and watch me. You choose the pace. Only if you're comfortable, only if you want to."

"I want to," he said, and dropped his feet, inhaling sharply, his mind blacking out. Adam held onto his hands, moving closer, his hips brushing against Tommy's calves. He waited and waited and waited, but nothing happened, and then he started to relax, breathing a little. 

"That's good," Adam said, and he sounded so proud that Tommy had to open his eyes and look at him. There was a smile on Adam's face, the kind he'd never seen before, somehow fragile. 

He moved his feet, and the water moved with him, splashing a little too. Adam tilted his head, pure happiness on his upturned face, and Tommy leaned down to kiss him. "I haven't done this ever," he whispered close to Adam's lips. 

"I taught Neil to swim, but I've never done anything like this before either. I just know that it has to be about you and your pace. If it feels too uncomfortable don't do it."

Tommy nodded, his forehead bumping against Adam's, their noses touching.

"Do you want to watch me swim for a while, or do you want to stay like this, or do you want to come to the water?"

He didn't know. He wasn't sure. But he wanted to try things. "Can you lift me into the water? And don't let go."

Adam wrapped his arms around Tommy's body. "You sure? Want me to be ready to lift you out?"

He put his hands on Adam's shoulders, then said, "Yeah, be ready."

The water was up to Adam's waist, not too high, not too suffocating, but the fear still tensed every part of his body. He let Adam lift him off the edge, and down to the water, let him hold him in the water, and he didn't start to scream, didn't try to get away. He stayed absolutely still, terrified. 

"You're kind of strangling me," Adam said after a moment, and he eased his hold on Adam's neck, but just a little. "Put your feet to the bottom. You'll feel more in control."

Tommy did that, water making it utterly strange to move his body. It wasn't nice at all. 

"So... What do you think of the girls in our class. Any cute ones?" 

Tommy looked at Adam, totally lost. "What?"

"Girls. You liked them before me."

They were supposed to swim, weren't they? This wasn't swimming. This was standing about, feeling awful. "Marie's cute," he said, making sure his hold on Adam wouldn't slip. 

"Is she? I think she uses too much makeup." Adam turned them around, and leaned against the wall of the pool. Tommy's heart nearly skipped the rest of the year's beats because of that, but it soon started its job again. 

"I like her lips," he said, not thinking at all.

Adam laughed. "You do?"

He looked at the water over his shoulder. The pool seemed vast, never-ending. He swallowed hard. "I like yours more." He turned to look at Adam again. He wanted out, but they hadn't even started yet. 

"I'm glad," Adam said, and Tommy liked the fact he could feel Adam's words. They were so close. "I want to kiss you." Adam bit his chin. "I want to try everything with you."

Adam had one knee between his thighs, a hand at the small of his back, and the other holding his upper body as close as possible. Tommy touched the wound on Adam's lip. "Does the water make it hurt more?"

"Everything makes it hurt more." Adam kissed his fingers, then sucked his forefinger into his mouth. 

Tommy gasped, surprised and aroused at the same time. Adam smirked around his finger, feeling the arousal. 

"Don't come in the pool," Adam warned him, and then sucked his finger again. 

It was a weird mix of feelings: fear, anxiety, arousal, curiosity, and excitement. He didn't know how to react to anything.

Adam's hand found his hair, pulling, then spreading at the back of his head, and he wanted more. He moved against Adam's leg, breathing close to Adam's cheek. "Don't make me come then," he said, moaning when Adam bit his finger.

"I... Damn it, Tommy. I'm supposed to be teaching you." Adam kissed his cheek, then licked a trail to his mouth, biting his skin on the way. The kiss was deep and needy from the beginning, and all of a sudden it didn't matter one bit that they were in the water. They were fighting to get more contact, more skin, eager to touch, and even more eager to feel. 

Adam turned them around, pushing Tommy against the wall of the pool, wrapped Tommy's legs around his waist, and thrust against him, frantic more than anything, and if this was Adam's idea of how not to come in the pool Tommy didn't want to know the alternative. He groaned to Adam's neck, scratching his back, trying to move with him. He wanted Adam's hands on him. He wanted to get his hands on Adam, but this was so, so good too. 

Then he felt Adam lift him on the edge of the pool, the water around him making a heavy sound, and Adam's mouth was on him through his swimming trunks. He tried to breathe, but nothing happened. It was just so intense, and then Adam climbed up and on top of Tommy, pushing him on his back, spreading him on the floor. The tiles were cold, but Adam's mouth was hot, and he bucked his hips up, pushing in too deep, almost choking Adam. 

Adam just forced him down, held him there, sucking him off, and Tommy grabbed his hair, fingers getting lost, his mind nothing but Adam's lips around his cock. His toes curled, the orgasm building in his body so quickly he couldn't even warn Adam in anyway. He tried to breathe, tried to relax, but it was too strong, too heavy on him, and it took a while for the feeling to pass, the high to go away. 

When he opened his eyes Adam was straddling his stomach a hand in his pants, looking at Tommy, a clear question in his eyes: _Can I?_ Tommy nodded, stroking Adam's thighs, opening his mouth suggestively. 

Adam pushed his pants down, moving a little closer, jerking off, one hand on Tommy's shoulder. It didn't take long, and when it did happen it managed to startle Tommy, but only for a second. He got a shot to his mouth too, one to his cheek, and the rest to his chest. Adam leaned down to kiss him the moment he could. 

"You're beyond gorgeous," Adam whispered against his mouth. 

He got a taste of Adam, and he liked that. He grinned, grabbing Adam's neck. "It's good. It's all good."

"I'm glad you enjoyed your first swimming lesson." Adam kissed the side of his mouth, his chin, the hollow of his throat. "Thanks for letting me do that."

Tommy lay there, completely relaxed, the backs of his hands resting against the floor, too. "I like you," he said, breathing, feeling Adam's body on top of his. 

"I've noticed." Adam moved down Tommy's body, kissing one of his nipples, first gently, then scraping it with his teeth. Tommy's breath caught. "I like the way you sound when you come," Adam said to his other nipple and sucked it into his mouth. 

Tommy's whole body was too sensitive for this teasing right now, and he was sure Adam knew that. He felt too heavy to move, though, so he only made a protesting sound.

"Tell me to stop, and I will," Adam said with a wicked tone.

Tommy just lay there, pleased that he didn't have to do anything. Then Adam turned him on his stomach, and licked his spine, one hand around his body. That felt good, and he bit the side of his hand to hold back the moan. Adam pulled his swimming trunks the rest of the way down, and he was completely naked, Adam's body just inches away from his. That much skin against his own was beyond perfect, and he tried to arch his body just right to get everything of Adam closer. Adam gasped, then bit and licked his back, moving lower. 

He almost cried out when Adam kissed his thigh, then licked his ass, light, tentative, and he forgot to ask what the hell he was doing because Adam did it again, and it felt too good. He whined into his hands, biting his wrist, and then Adam pushed his tongue inside him, just the tip, just a little, but it was enough to make him lose it. He had to grab onto something, anything solid, anything. There was nothing but the floor. 

Adam's tongue was wet, and eager, and willing to do whatever it took to make Tommy squirm in a desperate way, and he was doing that, so ready, but he couldn't think of how to get off, how to make himself come, and then Adam's fingers wrapped around his cock, and he came so fast and so loud they must have woken someone up. 

"Oh my god," Adam said, mesmerized. "That was... Oh my god..."

Tommy's thoughts exactly. Not a part in his body worked. He was completely boneless. 

Adam came to lie next to him, still hard, still panting. "I wanted to push into you. That was just... God, you're perfect." Adam was stroking his side, kissing the back of his neck, loving him. It felt like that.

Tommy mumbled, trying to form words, but it was just sounds, vowels. 

"What, baby?"

"Best... lesson... ever."


	12. Chapter 12

The strange thing about waking up next to a boy was the morning wood poking at his backside. It kind of made Tommy want to laugh when he realized what was going on. It was also very, very sweaty, and the sun was shining in his eyes because they'd forgotten to close the blinds. 

He didn't want to move, though, because he was happy. Adam's arm was around his waist, and his face was close to Tommy's neck, and they were sharing a pillow. His heart swelled because this just didn't happen. Things like this never happened in his life. He had friends and family and his guitar. He didn't have bare skin against his own. He didn't have someone in love with him. 

Tommy bit his lip, blinking his eyes against the sunlight, his heart a heavy happy lump in his chest, and it was hard to keep his breathing steady. 

Adam pulled him closer, kissing his neck. "Morning," he mumbled, barely awake.

He put his hand on top of Adam's, lacing their fingers. "Morning," he managed to say. 

"I wanna wake up like this always." Adam kissed his ear next, then put his head back on the pillow. "Morning breath," he said, giggling.

Tommy had an overwhelming urge to keep Adam safe always, make sure that nobody would ever be able to hurt him again. He moved even closer to Adam, pulling his arm up so Adam would hold him tighter. 

This time Adam didn't waste any time talking, just did what Tommy was silently asking, pulled him tight against himself, and even pushed a knee between Tommy's legs. 

They stayed like that for a long while, so long that Tommy started to worry someone might come in. Also, he needed to pee. 

"Um... I need to go to the bathroom." 

Adam nuzzled his neck. "They never have to do that in movies. All day snuggling... I'm renting you for that."

Tommy laughed, and started pulling away. After a short struggle, Adam let him go. Tommy turned to look at him: his smiling bruised face, the spark in his eyes, the way the sheets were tangled around him. "I..." He wanted to say it. "I love you." He stared at Adam, willing him to stay quiet. "I do."

Adam's expression changed from everyday happiness to shocked hopefulness. He looked almost funny that way. 

"I love you," Tommy whispered, standing there in his T-shirt and briefs, his hair all over the place, hands to his sides. 

"You do?" Adam said, swallowing the words. 

He nodded.

Adam sat up, pulled his knees under himself, and motioned Tommy to come to him. "Come here."

He felt like a puppet when his legs moved and took him to Adam. Adam wrapped his arms around him, and it felt so warm. Adam's head was against his chest, and he stroked Adam's hair, pulled him closer. 

"You know, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me," Adam said to him, and it felt real, like those words meant something, like he mattered. 

He didn't want to pull away. 

"We're gonna be stars, and nothing's gonna stop us." Adam's voice was full of joy. 

Tommy nodded. 

"I fell for you when you stood in the rain, apologizing. You were so cute, and desperate, and sweet." 

So, disobeying his parents had been his best decision yet? "Thank you," he said to Adam's hair, breathing in his scent. He didn't know how to break the moment, but he really had to go. 

Adam made it easy by releasing him. "Go. I'll be here."

Tommy took a step back, circled the bed, and walked backwards to the door, watching Adam the whole time. Maybe he wanted the moment to last. 

When he stepped into the corridor he came face to face with Neil. They stared at each other for a moment, and Tommy was very much aware he wasn't wearing any pants. He was intensely happy Neil wasn't Leila. "Um... Morning," he said. 

Neil looked like he wasn't going to say anything at first, but then mumbled, "You _are_ the boyfriend."

Tommy blushed. 

"We usually wear pants," Neil said, looking at Tommy from head to toe. 

If it was possible to blush more he probably did. He felt so hot now he was about to burst into flames. "Sorry," he said, and made a beeline to the bathroom. Seriously, siblings, what pains in the butt they were. 

He took a leak, washed his hands, tried to flatten his hair, and then stood in front of the closed door for a while because he didn't dare to face Neil again. 

When he peeked from behind the door Neil was gone, though, and he let out a sigh of relief. He all but ran to Adam's room because he didn't want anyone else to see him half-dressed. 

Adam stood in the middle of the room, stretching, his arms high up in the air, his shirt riding up. When he saw Tommy he immediately said, "You met Neil," and lowered his hands, smiling.

"That clear, huh?" Tommy waved a hand around his face.

"Ignore him. He's evil."

He kind of liked Neil. He just didn't know if Neil liked him. 

Adam looked like he got a brilliant idea, his eyes shining. "Oh, oh... Are you gonna teach me stuff?"

Tommy tilted his head to the side as though measuring his opponent. "You think you can handle me?"

There was a huge grin on Adam's face, and it grew even wider. "I will try."

Tommy grabbed Adam's sweatpants from the armrest of his chair and threw them to him. "Let's go then."

He took his own sweatpants from his bag, put them on, and waited for Adam to get ready (apparently hair needed grooming even when nobody else would see it). 

He felt something warm in his belly while waiting, anticipation and curiosity maybe. He wanted to see how Adam would do, if he could teach him anything useful. Then he remembered last night's swimming lesson, and his dick jumped. How fucking embarrassing. He didn't want Adam to notice so he went to stand by the door, willing his hard on to disappear. Fortunately it did because he had mastered the art of thinking of things that made him less horny. 

"I'm ready. Let's go." 

They went downstairs, their feet bare, their arms brushing against each other every now and then, and Tommy loved the fact that they could just spend time together, have fun, enjoy. This was new in such a good way. 

They said hi to Leila who was reading in the living room and then to Eber who was sitting in front of his laptop. It was a mutual agreement that they'd do this outside even though they hadn't even talked about it. Too many things could break inside. 

They stood opposite each other, staring, then Tommy said, "I have this friend back home who taught me a few tricks." 

Adam looked very serious, but not in a cold way. He seemed genuinely interested. 

"Show me your right hand," Tommy said, holding out his own. 

Adam extended his arm, and Tommy took his hand in his. "See this," he touched Adam's bruised knuckles gently. "This is what happens when you punch with your fist, especially if you punch someone in the face. Hard bones. You're lucky you didn't break anything."

He let go of Adam's hand, looking at him in the eyes. "You have three better options: a flat palm," he mock-hit Adam's chin with his palm, "a hammer-fist," with a long sweep of his arm he hit Adam's head with the side of his fist, "and the karate hit," he struck Adam's neck with the side of his hand. "But that's only if you have to immobilize someone, if you don't have other options."

Adam nodded.

"If you want to hurt someone quick and easy you can hit them with your knee. There's no point in kicking because that's just slow and takes years to learn." He took hold of Adam's shoulders and pushed his knee back. "You use your whole body when you bring the knee up." He did that, showing slowly how he moved his body to move his leg, to get strength behind it. "And you can either hit the groin with it or the side of the thigh. There's a nerve that runs down the back to your thigh, and if you hit that your opponent can't move much." He demonstrated that, kneeing the side of Adam's thigh, not too hard but making contact anyway. 

Adam rubbed his thigh, smiling. "Okay, that I can learn."

"You can learn anything," Tommy said, smiling back. This was awesome. He'd never taught any of these things to anyone, and it was cool to have someone who wanted to learn. 

"I have the best teacher." 

It seemed that all he could do today was blush. He ducked his face, then moved back a few steps, looking at Adam again. "You also need to keep your energies down. When we get scared we forget to relax because relaxing is against the instinct to fight-run-kill. It's harder to push you around if you root yourself to the ground. Try it, push me now." 

He stood there, legs spread a little, one foot back, his arms relaxed at his sides. He breathed deep, feeling powerful, and when Adam pushed him he didn't move. 

"How'd you do that?"

"It's all about keeping your center steady, your energies low. It's like... You're in the theater group. Do you dance?"

Adam nodded, understanding dawning on his face. "So it's a little like keeping the balance, being sure about your body?"

"Yeah..." Tommy moved forward, closer, touching Adam, kicking his legs apart a bit. "Stand like I did."

Adam tried that, and Tommy lifted Adam's arms up to a relaxed circle. "Keep your arms strong but not tense. Feel the root when I push." He grabbed Adam's wrists and pushed, but Adam's elbows gave away. "Hold them steady, but don't use your arm muscles. Use your whole body, like when you dance. You can't do anything with just your legs or your arms. The whole body has to be behind the movement."

Adam closed his eyes, and held his body steady, let Tommy push him until he found the center that went from his arms to his back leg, the one that took all the strength behind Tommy's push. When he found it Tommy pushed harder and Adam opened his eyes, curious. "Wow."

"That's your root. If you can find that every time you're in a real situation you have something strong behind you. And that's also what you'll use to make the other person lose their balance." He pushed Adam again, but this time to the side, and when Adam pushed back Tommy changed direction and Adam stumbled, losing his balance. "That's what you do when you want the upper hand. You break their balance. If someone attacks us it's natural for us to fight back, to put strength against strength. In a real fight, you want to do the opposite. You never want to go against a punch. You always want to move to the side, let the punch go where it goes, guide it away, and when your opponent is still moving with the strength they put behind it you'll guide them wherever you want."

He looked at Adam. "Hit me."

"For real?"

"Yeah. Try the hammer fist." He relaxed, breathing steady, his arms up, ready. 

Adam did that, clearly holding back, and Tommy moved to the side and close to Adam's stomach, grabbing Adam's fist, and forcing him down. "It's like a dance," he said, still holding Adam's fist, twisting his arm while Adam lay on the ground. "You never stop moving. And you have to be ready to touch the other person. A rookie mistake is that you fear making contact, but it's your well-being, sometimes even your life that's at stake. So you have to think, and you have to be willing to hurt the other person."

Tommy released Adam, and then helped him up. "Wanna do that again?"

"Hell yeah."

They practiced the moves for a few hours, Tommy showing Adam different ways to make someone lose their balance and push them down and hold them there. He made Adam see that this was like everything else in life: you could and should keep your mind in the game.

"You'll get better results if you think about what you're doing," he said when they sat on the ground. "You'll get hurt anyway, but at least this way, you have a chance. If you hide from it you'll get hurt worse."

Adam lay down on the grass, closing his eyes. He was still panting a little. "That was fun. You're so patient."

He laughed. He remembered how not-very-patient teacher Adam had been last night. 

"What are you thinking?" Adam asked, turning to look at him. 

"You teaching me to swim." He touched Adam's shoulder, just because he could. "I didn't learn much - except that I like things wet."

Adam's eyes sparkled, but there was heat behind his stare, too. "I blame your gorgeous body," he whispered. 

Tommy looked away, biting his lip. He found it so weird that Adam thought he was gorgeous. He'd been different all his life, too small to be taken seriously, and now he wondered if a part of his... behavior was because of that. 

"Hey..." Adam took hold of his chin, turning Tommy's head while moving closer. Tommy wasn't sure if Adam wanted to kiss him right there where anyone could see them, but he knew he didn't want that. He couldn't. "Oh..." Adam released his chin, whispering. "I wasn't going to kiss you."

"I know," he whispered back urgently. He wished Adam would just drop the subject.

"You had that deer in the headlights look." Adam leaned back on his elbows, giving Tommy space, and Tommy appreciated it a lot. "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

Tommy sighed. He wasn't sure if Adam sounded like he was accusing him of something, or if it was just his imagination. "It's okay."

There was a sound of the door sliding open, and then Leila saying, "Boys, are you going to eat breakfast?" She sounded amused. "You've been up for hours."

Adam got to his feet first, and held out his hand to Tommy who took it after a moment's hesitation. Adam used a little too much strength, and Tommy had to grab Adam's shoulder to keep his balance. Otherwise he would've landed against Adam's chest. 

He couldn't understand why he was so embarrassed about this, about Adam's hand in his, about their proximity, about the non-kiss. Adam's tongue had done _things_ to him. This should be easy compared to that, but Leila was watching and the whole world was there, breathing down his neck. 

Adam pushed him towards the kitchen, and that was kind of nice, kind of sweet, made him not think about things. He smiled when he saw the kitchen table full of breakfast stuff. Leila had anticipated their hunger. 

They ate in silence for a while, so hungry that speaking wasn't an option. Then Eber came to tell them that he'd go grocery shopping with Leila and Neil, and that the house was theirs for a while. _Be good,_ was underneath everything he said.

When the front door was banged close Adam and Tommy stared at each other, grinning. They had the house for themselves. "Wanna make out?" Adam asked, and Tommy could only laugh. 

Adam didn't wait for his answer, just took Tommy's hands, pulled him up, and then lifted him on the kitchen counter. Adam stood between his thighs, and Tommy wrapped his legs around Adam's waist, testing the feel of it. Adam let him, and it surprised him because Adam didn't usually wait, didn't give him the chance to choose the pace. 

He put his hands on Adam's shoulders, then brushed them over his biceps and forearms, moving up again. Adam wrapped his arms lightly around Tommy's waist, but did nothing else, his gaze steady on Tommy's. 

That made him bolder, and he moved his fingers over Adam's lips, the bruise there healing nicely, then his chin and jaw and finally his nose. He liked Adam's nose. It was somehow powerful, had a lot of character. Then he touched Adam's forehead and his hair, spreading his fingers there, loving the texture of it. Adam had a lot of hair. "I love your hair," he said out loud without meaning to. 

"I'm thinking of dyeing it."

He pulled at Adam's roots, pushed his fingers through Adam's hair over and over again, wondering. "What color?"

"Black to your white."

He stopped stroking Adam, held his hands still, watching Adam carefully. "Really?"

Adam smiled, wide and happy. "Really."

He bit his lip, unable to look Adam in the eyes. "Can I do it?"

Adam stole a kiss from his lips and said, "Please." 

This person owned him. There was no other explanation to the feeling that rushed through him, how overwhelming it was. He hugged Adam, holding him with his arms and legs, crushing him. 

"I love how small you are," Adam whispered after a while. "I know you think it's not a good thing, but I love it. You are a tiny thunderstorm, and you make me so fucking happy."

He buried his face in Adam's neck. Yeah, he was starting to belong, and it was so fucking scary.


	13. Chapter 13

On Monday morning, Tommy was anxious as hell, waiting for the school bus. He'd made up his mind last night while lying sleepless in his bed, missing Adam. 

He was wearing his most in-your-face bad ass clothes which made him look like something between a street kid and a punk rocker. His hair was puffed up, and his eyes were painted black. He'd smudged them with his fingers to create that effect. 

When the bus arrived he didn't look at the windows to see where Adam was sitting. He just walked up the stairs slowly, then looked around the bus, spotting Adam almost immediately. 

Everything was easy after that. 

He sat down next to Adam, not saying anything, not even when Adam whispered, "What are you doing?"

Tommy didn't care. He was going to do this. 

Adam didn't try to push it, but Tommy felt the nervous energy next to him, felt how jittery Adam was. They hadn't talked about this. He hadn't shared his plan. There was no time for that now anyway. 

When they arrived at the school he walked beside Adam, making it clear to everyone that they knew each other and that if anyone had a problem with Adam they'd have a bigger problem with him. 

He knew he had the upper hand because he had just wiped the floor with their jock. He had been a surprising addition to their game of torturing the freak, and if he wanted to gain something he had to strike while the iron was hot. Brian was suspended, gone for at least a week. This was the time to act. 

They had art first thing in the morning. Before, Tommy had sat at the back, nowhere near Adam, but this time, he took a seat next to Adam after getting his art supplies. They were making Chinese lanterns, and he'd already painted two sides of his square lantern during the last class. He'd always liked art even though he wasn't very good at it. This time it was even more fun because Adam was there, and he got to see Adam creating things. He'd already added black feathers to his lantern, and he'd chosen dragon from the Chinese zodiac to decorate it. Adam was good, and he had a great eye for details. 

They didn't talk much, except to borrow things from each other, but it had to be clear to everyone they hadn't just met. People talked, but Tommy didn't care one bit. 

At one point, he managed to talk alone with Isaac when he went to get a smaller paintbrush and Isaac was at the storage room. He asked him a favor, and after the initial shock Isaac agreed although it was clear he didn't think it was a good idea. 

After lunch, he went to see the principal. It was his last check up meeting. He didn't know what to expect since the last time he'd seen the principal Adam had been lying on the ground and Tommy had been sitting on top of Brian, twisting his arm. 

"Oh, yes," the principal said when Tommy entered his office. "Good to see that you're doing fine."

Tommy wondered if he meant his provocative clothing and makeup or something else entirely. He sat down, waiting for the principal to continue. 

"I want to thank you for stopping what was about to happen the other day. We try to keep our eyes open. We try to stay on top of everything. But a school is mostly about learning, and budgets, and trying to keep everything running the way it should. We know about Mr. Lambert's situation, and we've been monitoring it, but our hands are mostly tied. We can't do much unless it's clear there's a violation."

He found it strange that the man was actually talking to him. He didn't have to share any of this with him. 

"I understand your previous problems have been centered around similar situations."

Tommy nodded. 

"Do I need to be concerned?"

Tommy pursed his lips. "No. I want to stay here."

"Good." The man looked at him, his eyes sharp and clear but also kind. "You seem like you want to tell me something."

"Yeah... There's a rumor going around. It's not true, but it's there to keep them off his back. I mean it: I don't want to start anything here, and I don't want to leave. I'll be good, but I need _something_ to make them stop."

The principal was quiet for a while, measuring Tommy with his eyes. "What kind of game are you playing?"

"The kind where nobody gets hurt, and he gets to live his life free."

"And when we hear this rumor you want us to...?"

Tommy shrugged. "Ignore it."

"And when Mr. Bellmore comes back, what then?"

He looked out the window, thinking fast. He didn't have all the answers. He was living one day at the time. "We'll deal with that then," he said, looking at the principal in the eyes.

"This school has a great reputation. We have some of the best teachers in their field. I want this to be good time for all of you. I want this to work for all of us."

Tommy knew the principal was giving him a lot of room here, and he appreciated it. Most people wouldn't have even asked; most people wouldn't have listened to him at all. "I'm going to do my best to make that happen."

The smile he got was tired but also trusting. "Don't make me regret having faith in you."

He felt the pressure, but it wasn't nasty. He could handle it. "I won't. Can I go now?" He wanted to make sure he'd be on time to PE because he didn't want to leave Adam alone with the bastards. He knew he was acting like a bodyguard, and he knew it was ridiculous, but he couldn't let them hurt Adam again. 

When he got to the gymnasium all dressed up in his new sports clothes everyone was already there. Adam was standing a bit further away from everyone else, and Isaac was somewhere between everyone and Adam. Tommy wanted to smile, but he kept his face expressionless.

Today, they got divided into three groups. One would go run outside on the track field, one would do wall climbing inside, and one would play badminton, and then they would change activities after twenty minutes. 

Tommy pulled Adam into the group that would go run outside, and Isaac nonchalantly followed them. The three of them ran behind the rest of the group, doing as little exercise as possible. 

"What are you guys doing?" Adam asked finally. 

Isaac said nothing, but Tommy saw the smile before Isaac turned to look at the cheerleaders practicing their moves. 

He wondered briefly if he should tell Adam everything here and now or wait for later. Nobody was going to hear him, though. They were too far away. "This is the only time we can win this without a fight. I've just shown them what I can do, and they know nothing about me. Isaac has been spreading rumors about me being a part of a gang back in LA, that I might be dangerous. Nothing much, nothing that elaborate, just little things here and there. Brian is gone for now, and I don't think any one of them wants to take the risk that those rumors might be true. You're not worth the trouble."

Adam just stared at him. 

"Say something."

"You're willing to be a total outcast for me?" Adam asked.

He hadn't even thought of it that way. He was trying to think of a way out of this mess, something that wouldn't get him expelled. "Well... yeah. I don't care. I have friends."

"Not here," Adam said, and Isaac coughed but said nothing.

"I have you," he said, then turned to look at Isaac. "And I think he likes me too for some reason."

Isaac might have nodded, Tommy wasn't sure. Running and following people's reactions wasn't always that easy. 

"What about Brian?" Adam asked, worried. 

"We worry about this first, and when he comes back we'll handle it then." 

Adam was quiet for a long while, but when he spoke he sounded almost happy. "It was nice to sit with you in class and at lunch."

Tommy smiled. "Yeah..."

They ran in silence after that, and it was more comfortable than anything else.

It was Isaac who finally broke the silence. "So, is either of you guys ever gonna ask me if I want to start a band with you?" 

Tommy looked at Isaac, then Adam, and then Isaac again. "What?"

"I've seen Adam on stage, you talk about nothing but music at lunch, and I've been dying to be in a band for the past four years. I make my parents crazy with the constant drumming so I hope you have a place for us to practice."

Adam and Tommy looked at each other. They hadn't talked about this, about Isaac being a part of their plan, but Tommy had thought about it. 

"Is he any good?" Isaac asked Adam, his eyes sparkling. 

Adam seemed to be recovering from the shock fast, and he said, "Yeah, he's good. Amazing, actually."

"Good." Isaac was quiet for a moment, then added, "I know this girl... She's awesome with keys. I could ask her to come over and see if she'd like to play with us."

Tommy didn't know what to say. He didn't even know what to think. Isaac had surprised him completely. He didn't have to say anything, though, because Adam said, "That would be so cool. My parents have a basement, this weird spa room thingy, and we could play there. The room is sound proof because dad has a band of his own and they practice there every once in a while. 

And Adam couldn't tell him that before? He'd been worried about waking people up and drawing too much attention to them, and it was sound proof? He wanted to kick Adam in the shin, but instead he just kept running, annoyed. 

Soon, their twenty minutes were up, and they had to go back to the gymnasium. Their next activity was wall climbing. Adam was surprisingly good at it, and on the easiest wall he got to the top without much effort. The second wall was difficult for him too, but after a few tries he reached the middle of it. Isaac was like a monkey, and climbed where ever he wanted as fast as he wanted, but Tommy had difficulties with conquering the wall. At first he couldn't understand how not to climb with his hands only, or that he was supposed to keep his body very close to the wall and move, move, move without hesitation. Every time he got a bit further he lost his way and waited too long and got tired. It really wasn't his thing. 

After PE, they went to the showers, and Tommy realized he'd be naked with Adam in public. He really shouldn't be thinking about that now. He just turned his back to everyone, and kept his mind blank. A hard on in a public shower would be a catastrophe. 

All in all the day went well, and nobody bothered them. There were whispers and looks, but nobody said a thing. When Tommy got home he was dead tired, though. He felt like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

The next day was harder. He had to actually tell people off, to make them back down, and he had to keep his game face on, had to act tough, had to be bigger than he was, and it was exhausting. 

During lunch, he went to the bathroom and just sat in one of the stalls and breathed. He'd left Adam with Isaac, but he worried still. He couldn't stop worrying. He feared that this wouldn't be enough, that he couldn't be intimidating enough, that he couldn't change anything. 

He heard someone enter the bathroom, and he pulled his feet up to hide even more. The door was locked. He was safe for the time being. 

"Hey." It was Adam. 

For a brief moment he thought of not answering, but then decided against it. He was doing this for Adam, but Adam hadn't asked anything from him. "Hi."

"Let me in, please."

He opened the lock, and Adam pulled the door open, stepped in, and closed the door behind him. There wasn't much room in the stall, and Adam's crotch was pretty much on the level of his face, and since he was already feeling weird he just rested his face against Adam's stomach. 

Adam's hands in his hair felt divine, and he let out a sigh. He was relaxing for the first time in two days. 

Then he looked up, looked into Adam's eyes, and started opening his belt, the button of his pants, then the zipper. Adam said nothing, but his hold in Tommy's hair tightened. 

Tommy mouthed Adam through his boxers. He'd never done this, anything like this, and it felt good to let go. The smell was nice, intoxicating, wonderful, and he breathed in deep. 

Adam was so quiet, and when Tommy looked at him again he was dead serious. Then Tommy's fingers pushed under the waistband of Adam's boxers, and the shape of Adam's mouth changed but no sound came out. 

He pushed the boxers down enough to free Adam's cock, and he breathed in sharply. He wanted to take Adam into his mouth, but he hesitated a little, partly because of where they were and partly because Adam was so big. He wanted, though. He wanted so bad. 

Tommy licked his palm, grabbed the base of Adam's cock, and then licked the tip. Adam's fingers in his hair hurt, but in a good way, in a way that made him want Adam to fuck his mouth. 

He looked up again, and opened his mouth wide, waiting, and when Adam understood what he wanted his eyes turned dark. Adam moved his hips, pushed in, soft and slow at first, and then harder, more deliberate. Tommy licked the underside of Adam's cock, and tried to keep his teeth out of the way. He didn't have to do much because Adam took control, holding him at place, fucking his mouth, hitting the back of his throat with a few too deep thrusts, but he wanted that, and it hurt and felt good, and he wanted more. 

The sounds Adam made were muffled by his hand, the other still holding Tommy's head, twisted tight in his hair, and Tommy wanted him to let go, to do whatever he wanted.

He was holding Adam's hips with both hands, hipbones hard against his palms. He wanted more and harder and now, but he didn't know how to ask for that when his mouth was full of Adam's cock. He moaned around Adam, moved in any way Adam wanted him to move, or stayed still if Adam wanted that. He wanted Adam to come inside him.

"I'm... God, Tommy..."

He sucked Adam, mouth full of saliva, and when he swallowed Adam came, groaning, saying his name in a surprised, strained voice. 

When it was over Adam pulled out, shaking on his feet, sagging against the door. "Oh my god..."

His jaw was hurting a little, and his mouth tasted a little weird, but it was okay. He'd done it, and it hadn't been too hard, and Adam had read him right. "Thank you," he whispered, and instead of asking him about it, Adam just kissed the top of his head, and then pulled his pants up.

Nobody had come in which was good, but Tommy hadn't really thought about that. For some reason he'd needed this, and he felt better now. He smiled up at Adam, closing his eyes. 

Adam touched his cheek gently with his knuckles. "I kind of adore you."

Yeah, he beamed. He couldn't help it.


	14. Chapter 14

The week was tiring to Tommy, but it also had its highlights. The best part was definitely the moment when Isaac parked in front of Adam's house, and unloaded his drum set from the back of his car. That happened on Wednesday, and ever since then they'd practiced every moment of every day when they didn't have other obligations. 

At first they just jammed together, searching for their sound, and then they started playing covers, especially Metallica, David Bowie, Scissors Sisters, Depeche Mode... The list went on and on, all their favorites, all the ones they knew. 

Adam still had his sessions with his voice instructor, and they all had to do their homework, and Tommy still helped his mom around the house, but they had time, and they used it all for playing. 

The good thing was Brian didn't come back the next week either, and Tommy had managed to create a status quo, a loop where nothing happened even though it constantly felt like something was going to happen any second now. They were somewhat lucky because they could spend most of their time together at school, and because the teachers gave them room to change things. It was a slow process, but they were managing, and in the meanwhile a band was forming.

It was clear they were good together, and they had fun, and it was one of the most exciting experiences of Tommy's life. He was finally doing something that would make things possible for him. He wasn't just dreaming; he was doing, and that made him feel powerful. 

He noticed that it did the same to Adam, too. Adam seemed stronger, more in charge, and he realized that Adam really was a lead singer, a leader of their small band. He _knew_ what he was doing, and he made them know, too. 

On Saturday, Adam asked him to come over to dye his hair, and Tommy couldn't hold in the excitement. It was silly. It was just dye, just black color, but it meant something. It was a transformation. He saw it a little like he saw tattoos: as something that would shed your skin. 

When he got to Adam's place Neil let him in, shrugging when Tommy asked where Adam was. He wandered up the stairs, thinking that he'd gotten so familiar with the house that it wasn't at all odd that he walked around by himself. 

He went to Adam's room first, but since he wasn't there he figured Adam had gone to the bathroom already. He knocked on the door, and heard Adam say, "It's open."

Tommy stepped in, locked the door behind him, and only after that turned to look at Adam. He was shirtless, standing in front of the mirror, making Elvis expressions, his hair all over the place. Tommy started to laugh the moment their eyes met.

"What?"

He didn't answer, just hugged Adam from behind, wrapping his arms tight around Adam's chest. 

"You think your man is funny?" Adam asked, and then lowered his voice, saying, "Or you're laughing at me because I'm silly?"

Tommy bit Adam's shoulder. "Both?"

"Unacceptable." Adam grabbed his neck, and pulled him in front of himself, then started tickling him. It was terrible, and soon, he couldn't even breathe because he was laughing so much. 

"Stop, please," he wailed, but Adam, the bastard, was merciless. Finally Adam let him go, and he took two steps back to get away from him, rubbing his sides. 

"You're evil," Tommy said. "Evil, evil man."

Adam cackled. 

He glared at Adam, then said, "Sit down. We have work to do."

There was a glint in Adam's eyes. "I like it when you tell me what to do."

He fucking blushed. "Shut up."

"I so wanna say: 'Make me.' Honestly. You give such perfect openings."

He pushed at Adam until he sat on top of the toilet bowl. "Sit."

"Mmmm... Rough, too. Love it." Adam smiled up at him, his eyes so blue they couldn't be real. 

Tommy pulled the latex gloves on, snapping them like they did in movies, watching Adam carefully. They weren't even tight, but he liked to play. He took the funky dye bottle in his hand, and started applying the dye into Adam's hair. "Have you done this before?" he asked when Adam grimaced. Tommy knew it felt cold and icky. 

"My first time."

"We need to be careful, need to get it everywhere... Otherwise you'll have ginger spots in your hair." 

He spread the dye, avoiding Adam's ears and forehead the best he could. It was nice to be able to do this, just this one small thing to help Adam. And he actually liked fiddling with Adam's hair. 

Adam seemed to like it too because he closed his eyes at some point and just leaned into Tommy's touch, humming. 

"Sing to me, please." He thought about the first time he'd played to Adam, and how amazing it had been to connect through music. He'd never met anyone as musical as Adam. It was a gift, and he knew he was lucky to have the right to bask in that talent.

Adam sang something he'd never heard before, something soft, something that didn't require him to move much, or breathe too deep, and Tommy smiled. He could so get used to this. 

Once he'd poured and spread all the dye into Adam's hair he sat on the edge of the bathtub, and then they waited. The funny thing was they didn't speak much. They just looked at each other and smiled, and when Adam held out his hand Tommy took it, but that was it. 

When it was time to remove the dye Adam knelt on the floor and ducked his head over the bath's edge. 

Tommy took the shower in his hand, and washed the dye away, slowly massaging Adam's scalp. When no color came out of Adam's hair he stood up and found a towel, then used it to dry Adam's hair and neck. 

"You can blow dry it now." 

Before Adam did anything else he stood up and hugged Tommy. "Thank you. This was amazing."

He nodded because words couldn't express anything right now. 

When Adam pulled back they stared at each other for a moment, and then Adam kissed him. It was soft and sweet, not heated at all, and it made Tommy happy. Here, between them, everything was simple. 

He watched Adam put some foam in his hair, then dry it, and finally spray it with hairspray. He looked a little like Elvis, his hair up and shining, but not so sleek, not so perfect. 

"Whoa... You look... Whoa!"

Adam looked at him in the mirror. "That good?"

"Better. It's so you."

Adam smiled wide. "Feels like it."

Tommy put his hands on Adam's sides, and stared at Adam over his shoulder. "It's perfect."

"Look at us." 

He was pretty sure he saw what Adam meant. What made them different also made them fit. "I like it."

Adam turned around, leaned against the sink, and pulled Tommy close. "Do I look sexy?" he asked, soft and quiet, and like he feared the answer. 

Tommy nuzzled his neck, then said, "You're hot."

It was weird to him that things had changed so much so fast, that he felt this way about Adam, about a boy, that he truly thought Adam was sexy. It was like he had stepped into a dream, an alternate universe. But it made him happy, and he didn't know why it was so wrong to some people. He just wanted to be this person, this someone who loved Adam, who enjoyed Adam's company, who wanted a future together. He wanted to dare. 

Adam nipped at his cheek, then his ear, and he shivered. "Be with me," Adam whispered. 

He didn't know why that was so important to Adam, but maybe it was symbolic, maybe it had something to do with rituals and making dreams reality. Tommy nodded, and Adam touched his face, took his head between his hands, and stared at him. 

"You mean that?"

This would kill him if it didn't work. It was too real, too strong. "Yes."

Adam hugged him, his hands moving up and down his body, trying to pull him even closer, and it felt good, like this was real to Adam too. "Oh my god... You're my boyfriend."

Tommy laughed. "Yeah."

"I want to give you something." Adam pushed him away long enough to pull a shirt over his head, and then he took Tommy's hand and pulled him with him to his room. He sat Tommy on his bed, and went to dig through his stuff in one of the cupboards of his drawer. 

Tommy waited, watching Adam intently. He was getting a gift, and he didn't know what to think of that. It was so, so weird. 

"This." Adam held a necklace in his hands. It was made of black leather, and the pendant was a blue eye inside a silver circle. 

"The all seeing eye," Tommy said, and Adam nodded. 

Adam put the necklace around his neck, fingers brushing against his skin, and Tommy couldn't help thinking that he was sinking too deep, that he couldn't climb up if the place he was visiting now couldn't be his home. But he stayed, and he let Adam pull him to his feet and over to the mirror. 

"I want you to have this. It's my favorite."

He could see why. It was very blue, and it demanded attention, and it looked good on him, like it belonged to the hollow of his throat. "It's gorgeous."

"So are you." 

He wanted to reject the compliment, like he always did, but this time he chose to say something different. "Thanks." He smiled. He didn't believe it for a second, but he knew Adam meant it. 

"What are we going to call it?"

Tommy looked at Adam in the mirror, confused. "What?"

"The band."

"Oh..."

Adam pulled Tommy against his body, arms around his middle. "I want to give you everything. It's such a stupid feeling. I want... I don't know how people do this."

He watched Adam, watched himself, too, and he thought that if he could have this he could deal with the world. It was a moment of clarity, the realization that he could have someone beside him to take the storms with him. He liked the idea; he liked the fact that problems would come from the outside world, but his small bubble in that world could be safe. "I choose you," he said and smiled. "That's all I need to do."

Adam tightened his hold, but said nothing. He'd closed his eyes too. 

"I think this is going to be amazing." 

"What if I hurt you?" Adam asked, his voice so soft Tommy could barely hear him. 

He wanted to take that risk. He wanted Adam to take that risk, too. "So we promise here and now that we'll always be close no matter what happens. You won't disappear from my life; I won't disappear from yours. And we never do it on purpose."

"Hurt each other?"

"Yeah."

He held his breath. This was important. 

Adam kissed his neck, then whispered, "Wait."

Adam was gone only for a few seconds, and when he came back he had a knife with him. Their eyes locked in the mirror, and he knew what Adam wanted to do. 

They sat on the floor opposite each other, so close their crossed legs were almost touching. Adam took his hand in his, held Tommy's thumb between his fingers, and Tommy nodded. 

Adam cut his finger with the knife, then did the same to himself. It stung a bit, but Tommy had cut himself before by accident. This was different, though. 

They pushed the bleeding fingers together, their blood mixing, and then said in unison, "Blood brothers." 

He had friends. He'd been loved by many people, but none of them came close to this. 

"I'm here because of you," Adam said, and Tommy knew he meant it. He remembered what Adam had told him before, how he'd wanted to give up, how he still wanted to give up sometimes. It should've felt like a huge responsibility, but instead he only felt grateful. For once he'd been somewhere on time. 

Adam had bandaids for them, and he put one on Tommy's thumb before bandaging himself. "There," Adam said as though that sealed everything. 

"How about Parallel Rapture?" He stared at Adam, not explaining anything, just waiting for it to click. 

Adam was quiet for a moment, then said, "The name for the band?"

He nodded. 

"Maybe." Adam smiled. "I'm pretty sure we have to listen to the others as well."

"We only have Isaac."

"Cam is coming tomorrow. He said she's finally free."

"But do you like it?"

Adam leaned closer, their noses touching, Adam's hands on his knees. "I love everything your mind comes up with. Yeah, it sounds good. I want rapture. I'm not sure if parallel works with it yet. I'm not sure if it's the kind of word that's easy for the mouth. But rapture... that we'll keep."

Tommy smiled, tilting his head a little so he could kiss Adam, and before he knew it he was lying on his back on the floor, Adam on top of him. "You're my rapture," Adam whispered in his ear, and that tickled, made him squirm, and Adam trapped his arms and pressed his body down to hold him still. 

He tilted his head back, spreading his legs and wrapping them around Adam, his skin yearning to be touched. Adam bit his neck, then sucked a mark there, and he tried to protest, but the word turned into a moan when Adam moved. 

He was shaking now and he wanted more. He wanted everything. 

Adam pulled at their clothes, and pushed Tommy's shirt up, licking his skin the moment he got it exposed. Tommy pushed at Adam's pants with his hands and legs, tried to get bare skin under his hands, while Adam distracted him with his tongue and teeth. It was messy, and their hands were more in the way than helping them, but it was also incredible. He didn't remember to breathe, and when he did he couldn't get enough air. 

Finally Adam's naked cock was against his own and it felt too good, soft skin so sensitive it almost hurt. He grabbed Adam's neck because his hands were useless, but this way he could hold onto Adam's hair, could feel the texture of it, and all the sensations were just so, so good. 

"I love this about you," Adam said against his ear, then licked his earlobe, took it in his mouth and bit him. He arched his back because that felt fucking good. 

Adam got his hand between their bodies, and started jerking them both off, and it blew his mind. He pushed his head against the floor, neck arching, his mouth open, and then he was coming with Adam. 

"God, you're..." Adam bit Tommy's lower lip, then kissed him down from the high, hands in his hair. "You're mine."

Tommy tried to nod, but Adam was too close, his hold too tight. He kissed back instead, giving as much as he was getting.


	15. Chapter 15

On Sunday morning, Tommy happened to stumble on a conversation his mom was having with Adam's mom. He was heading for breakfast, and mom was talking on the phone in the kitchen. At first he didn't realize who she was talking to, and he didn't mean to eavesdrop, but then his mom said, "I want to see them together, too. He seems so happy right now. I've never seen him like this."

He stopped, his heart stopping, too. He stood in the hall, flabbergasted. They were talking about Adam and him. 

"I know," Dia said softly. "All I can think about is that... Even though I know what this world is like. I should be thinking of how difficult it's going to be for them, but... Yeah, it's exactly like that."

Tommy stared at his feet, biting his teeth together. He didn't know if he was upset or annoyed or merely relieved. It seemed like they all knew already anyway. Maybe his dad knew, too. 

"He doesn't tell me anything, and I don't know how to ask. I'd love to talk about this with him. I'd love to know more. It has to be big. I don't think he's dated anyone else, or if he has he's managed to keep it a secret." Dia laughed, the sound gorgeous, and it kind of hurt him. "I'm selfish. I want to know what my son is doing. I want to see him with Adam. I wish they'd spend more time here."

He was glued to the floor. He couldn't move even though he wanted to. He didn't want to hear this. He didn't want to know that his mom thought about them, that she knew, that she talked about them, too. 

"I've been thinking about that, yes. I'll talk to his father tonight. I think it's time to give him back more of his freedom. Adam's been good for him."

He could do things again without his parents' permission? Eavesdropping probably didn't make his case stronger. He took a step back, but then his mom said something he wasn't expecting. His face became hot, and he knew he was blushing.

"I have no idea how to preach about safe sex to a sixteen-year-old boy who's dating another boy." Dia sighed, then laughed again. "It's difficult to be a mom. Exactly. I wish I could just say: 'Do whatever feels right for both of you, and don't rush it. You have all the time in the world.' Do you think he'd listen?"

Tommy bit his lips. He should go before he got busted. Lisa was home, and all this situation needed was her shrill voice saying, "Mom, what's he doing?" 

He took two steps at the time when he went upstairs to his room. He wanted to hide. It was more than embarrassing; it was humiliating, too. He dug out his phone, and called Adam. They were supposed to meet with Isaac and Cam today, to play together for the first time, but they could meet earlier, do something together just the two of them. 

"Hi, babe," Adam said, and it made him smile. Then he stared at himself in the mirror, thought about his mom and her words, and the smile was gone. 

"Wanna see me before the band practice?"

Adam was quiet for a moment, his breaths shallow, and when he spoke, his voice was guarded. "Of course. Is something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I could come over. We could try that swimming thing again."

"Ooh... nice."

He hadn't brought it up, and Adam hadn't pushed. This would be the second time after the very short first lesson where he ended up licked wide open. "I think I could do it." 

Adam honest to god squealed. "Oh my god, come here. I'll be waiting for you downstairs."

Adam's excitement was catching, and he couldn't wait. He ended the call quickly, grabbed his guitar and swimming trunks, and ran downstairs. He hollered to his mom that he was going to Adam's place, and Mom just told him to be back by ten. 

He was always running down this street, always eager to go to Adam's. It was a wonderful feeling, like he was free to do whatever he wanted. This thing they had, it made him so much stronger. 

Leila let him in, still on the phone with his mom, and she just pointed at the basement door. 

He walked down the stairs, his heart beating fast, thoughts scrambled. He didn't know why Adam made him feel like this always. It was like he was floating just above the ground. 

Adam was already in the pool, swimming happily, and he didn't notice Tommy coming in. It was fun to get the chance to watch Adam without Adam realizing it. He noticed how gracefully Adam moved, and how peaceful he seemed alone like this. Adam really loved water.

"Hi," Tommy said, approaching the pool, feeling confident. He could do this. 

Adam looked up, stood in the water, a huge smile spreading on his face. "You're here."

He was. He changed into his swimming trunks in front of Adam's eyes, not embarrassed at all. Adam had seen him naked before, and this was nothing. Once he was ready, he walked closer to the ladder that led to the pool. He wanted to dare to do that, but he feared he couldn't. He wasn't yet friends with the pool. He didn't trust the water one bit. 

"Want me to lift you in here again?" Adam asked, moving closer to the edge of the pool. "I can, you know."

He knew that. He wanted to master the pool. He wanted to be the one in charge. Right now, he was ready to run, though. "Yeah, okay." He sat on the edge close to Adam, and Adam put his hands on his thighs. 

"Relax, baby."

Tommy pursed his lips, and then put his hands on Adam's shoulders. "I'm ready." He wasn't. He never would be. 

Adam put his arms around Tommy's waist and lifted him into the pool. Every part of his body tensed. He couldn't help it. He couldn't help the fear. He started shaking, and he wanted out, and nothing worked. "Fuck." He bit his lip, hiding his face in Adam's neck, holding onto him like his life depended on it. "Fuck."

"Shhhh... It's okay. You're safe." Adam kissed the side of his face, and it helped a little, made it a little easier to bear. "God, you're shaking. Can you do this? You don't have to."

Tommy nodded, his fingers aching because they were digging into Adam's back. "I can do this."

Adam let out a soft laugh. "Okay. You can do this. Do you think you could ease your hold a little?"

He tried to relax, but he couldn't even open his eyes. The smell of chlorine made him feel dizzy. 

"Relax a little. You don't have to let go of me, and I won't let go of you, but relax. Breathe." Adam sounded soothing, sweet, and he wanted to do exactly what he was saying. He couldn't. His mind was a tight bundle of hurt thoughts. He couldn't let go. This was such a bad idea. Adam kissed his temple, put his arms tight around him, and then whispered, "I promise I won't let anything happen to you. Try. Touch my hair with your hands, let go, do something else. Try."

He breathed in and out a few times, so tense his muscles were hurting. Then he released his death grip on Adam's shoulders, and let his hands caress Adam's hair, and arms, and neck. 

"Good," Adam whispered close to his ear. "Let your hands touch the water. See how it feels. I'm holding you up. I won't let go."

His eyes were squeezed shut, but he did what Adam told him, his hands brushing over the surface of the water. It felt so weird. He tried to continue to breathe, but it was hard. He was so afraid he was suffocating. 

"Do you want out? You don't have to do this." Adam sounded concerned, and he didn't like that. He didn't want to make Adam feel like this was something bad. It wasn't. Adam wasn't doing anything wrong. 

"Just... hold me here. Talk about something else." He touched the ground with his feet, breathing a little easier when he knew he had something solid under him. 

Adam laughed, warm and comforting. "I can't wait to hear Cam play. Isaac knows his stuff so I'm pretty sure she'll be amazing."

Tommy nodded.

"And you know... I've been thinking about our first gig: where we're going to play, who we're going to impress. It's going to be mind-blowing. Seriously. Nobody knows how awesome we are. Their brains are going to leak out of their ears."

He laughed. He loved Adam's mind, his silly nature, his dreams. He wanted to make all those things happen. He wanted to be there when all those dreams came true. "Tell me what to do. I wanna learn to swim."

Adam hugged him closer, squeezed his body against his own, then turned him around, back against Adam's chest. They were close to the wall of the pool so he grabbed the edge, nervous as hell, still squeezing his eyes shut. Adam held onto his waist, but came to stand beside him. "Hold onto the edge and kick with your feet. I'll hold you up, but this way you can learn to move."

He pulled his upper body closer to the edge so he could rest his arms on it, then he let his feet rise off the ground. His shoulders were up in his ears, his body completely rigid. 

Adam kissed his ear. "The water carries you. You don't have to do much to stay on the surface. Kick with your legs and you'll see."

He did, and Adam was right. His body rose on the surface with a little effort, and that made him feel a little more confident. Adam's arm around his waist felt like a life line, and he dared to relax just a bit. 

That all changed in a mere second because there was a knock on the door and then Leila barged in. 

Tommy lost his hold on the edge, and even though Adam caught him he managed to swallow water, and then he couldn't breathe at all. He was suffocating, trying to pull oxygen in, his lungs burning. 

"What's happening to him?" Adam's voice came close to his ear, but he couldn't hear anything else through the blood rushing in his ears. He was struggling to get out, and his mind was turning black. 

He couldn't see. 

"He's having a panic attack. Get him out of there." He felt Leila's hands on his arms, and then he was lifted out of the pool, Adam following him immediately, holding him close, wrapping a towel around his body. 

"You ruined everything," Adam said, angry. "He was just getting used to the idea of water. Now..."

He tried to breathe so he could speak, but nothing came out. He could do nothing. He was just shaking, choking on his own fear, his chest hurting. 

"I'm sorry," Leila said. "I didn't know..."

"I told you. I told you he fears water. I told you." Adam held him against his chest, but it didn't help. He was feeling cold, and he wanted out of the room. 

Then Leila was crouching beside him, holding a paper bag in her hand. "Breathe into this. It should help."

He did, and he wasn't just swallowing air now, trying to breathe too much too fast. It did help, but it didn't take away the need to escape. 

"I'm sorry," Leila said to him, touching his arm. "We're going out to eat, and I just wanted to ask if you'd like to come, too. I should've listened to him. I didn't know it was so serious."

Tommy didn't want this. He didn't want pity, and he didn't want anyone feeling bad because of him. He tried to speak again, but couldn't. It was so fucking frustrating. 

"Will you be okay? Have you had panic attacks before? Should I call your mother?" Leila pushed his hair off his face, the touch soft and warm. 

He didn't know how to answer. Too many questions. "Don't... call. I'm fine."

"I'm sorry." 

"It's okay," he said, pushing the words out of his mouth, his throat aching even though he was starting to feel better. 

Leila left soon after that, apologizing one more time. Adam was too angry to forgive her, but Tommy didn't blame her. He thought about the phone call she had had with his mom, and how they wanted to be a part of this, how they wanted to know things, and maybe she had come here because she was curious. 

He rested his head against Adam's shoulder, his eyes closed, but he could still feel Adam's eyes on him. "What?" he asked. 

"I thought you were going to die."

He took Adam's hand and pulled it close to his heart. "I'm fine."

"You didn't seem fine a moment ago."

Tommy turned in Adam's arms, pushed Adam on his back on the floor, and leaned down. "I've had them before."

"I don't want you to have them. I don't want anything to be that scary for you. Can you try that ever again?" Adam pointed at the pool, but he didn't want to look at it. 

"I don't know." He was lying on top of Adam, Adam's hands on his waist. He was holding himself up with his forearms resting on Adam's chest. "I don't want to think about it now."

Adam frowned. "I'm really upset with her right now. I want to move out."

"Don't be ridiculous. She didn't mean any harm." He put his chin on his hands, staring at Adam. 

"I know that. It doesn't change anything. She hurt you."

That was shocking to hear. "She didn't hurt me. She started a chain reaction. There's a difference."

Adam sighed, letting his hands fall to the floor next to his head. "I feel so... meh."

Tommy laughed, still watching Adam who was now pouting. 

"We were getting somewhere. Now we're light years away from there. I feel like I failed you."

"You didn't." He touched Adam's lips with his fingers. "You've done everything right." Tommy could feel the smile Adam was trying to hold back.

"Please kiss me," Adam finally said, and Tommy moved closer so he could reach Adam's mouth. They kissed, and it was light and fantastic and nothing serious at all. Adam smiled under his touch, and he smiled back. He felt warm and happy, and he thought this could continue forever.


	16. Chapter 16

Adam didn't ask any questions when Tommy said that he wanted to go to the bathroom. He just pulled Tommy into one final kiss, and then helped him up. 

The thing was Tommy always recovered quickly. He'd always been like that. Even his cuts and bruises healed pretty fast. But there was always some leftover damage, and this time, it was embarrassment. He splashed cold water on his face, thinking how stupid he must have looked, and how helpless he'd felt when Leila pulled him out of the pool. 

He couldn't deal with helplessness. He didn't want to be weak. 

Tommy took hold of the sink with both hands, trying to regain some kind of a balance. He didn't want to be this to Adam, this weak mess. 

"Hey, are you ever coming out. We could go to the garden. Mom made lemonade this morning. You'll love it."

He bit his lip, forcing his mind to calm down, to relax. The fact that he was wearing only a T-shirt and briefs didn't make him feel particularly strong. He wanted to listen to something, something heavy and hard, music that would silence his mind. "You go. I'll be there in a minute."

"Okay. Have you had breakfast?"

His stomach growled. "No..."

"I'll get something."

Despite what had happened to Adam he was still this openly smiling happy person. Tommy wanted to be that too. Easy. He looked at himself in the mirror and made a face. "Fuck you." He wasn't that. He wasn't like Adam. 

He went to look for his clothes, and found them neatly folded close to the door. He remembered leaving them by the pool, and he was grateful Adam had put them here. He pulled his pants on and even zipped up the hoodie. It may have been warm outside, but he wasn't feeling it right now. 

If he was honest he feared facing Adam. He wanted to be nice things to Adam. He wanted to be good memories and happy moments. He didn't want to be constant struggling. 

He found his smile before he stepped out of the door. The morning sun felt warm on his face, and the grass smelled fresh. It was nice. He was glad they were alone, and he didn't need to face anyone else right now.

There were six chairs and a table on the deck, all of them white and made of wood. Adam was sitting at the table, a tray of food in front of him. He'd also brought a radio outside, and his iPad was connected to it, and he was going through his music, trying to find something they'd both like, Tommy was sure. Adam turned to look at him before Tommy even said anything. "Hi, gorgeous, breakfast is ready."

He smiled, and went to sit next to Adam, taking a plate of bread from the tray. "Thanks. This is awesome."

"Don't get used to it, though. I'm not domestic. I can put butter on my bread, but I burn everything. Even toast."

Tommy laughed. Yeah, he remembered. "I'm a great cook. I'll cook for you someday."

Adam beamed. There was no other word for that. He just looked completely happy. "Please do."

He leaned back in his chair, listening to the first beats of the song Adam had chosen. "Oh my god, you love them too?"

"Yeah, Neil liked them first, and I just kept listening to them through his door."

The Fun Lovin' Criminals was one of Mike's favorites, and the thought made his heart ache all of a sudden. He missed his old life. He missed all those people he'd left behind. 

Adam touched his hand, and he jumped, startled. "Are you okay?"

He glanced at Adam, then took a bite of his bread because he wanted time to think about the answer. Finally he said, "Do you want me to be?" 

"Of course. Why?" Adam looked puzzled. 

"I don't know. Should I be okay all the time? Would you prefer that?" He didn't know why he was asking. Maybe because he didn't know if he could be. 

"Oh..." Adam tilted his head to the side, watching him carefully. "I prefer the real you, whatever that means. If you feel bad you can tell me."

"Okay... Then I'm not okay." He kept on chewing his bread, not looking at Adam. 

Adam sat back in his chair, folding his arms. "You can't drop a bomb like that. You have to explain a bit. Otherwise I'll worry. Was it something I did? Are you still hurting? Can I do something to fix it?"

He shrugged. "I don't know what else to say. I feel embarrassed. It's a pretty fucking awful feeling. That's all."

"Embarrassed about what? You have no reason to feel embarrassed. You didn't do anything." Adam pulled his feet up on the chair, too, and Tommy glanced at him quickly. Adam looked like he'd closed his face from the outside world, guarded and a little afraid. 

"I don't want to be like that," he mumbled in return. Stupid conversation. 

"Like what?" Adam touched his shoulder, and it felt weird. He didn't try to get away from the touch, though. 

"A burden, something difficult, not normal, not fun, not cool, not nice. Whatever."

Adam let out a weird sound, something between a laugh and a groan, like he was frustrated and pleased at the same time. "Come on, Tommy. That's just stupid. You can't think I'd mind. I've cried in front of you. You've seen me at my worst. You've seen me humiliated. I haven't even told you everything they've done. Why would I care if you get panic attacks or that you're afraid of the water. Actually I do care, but not that way. I think it's... just part of you, something we're working on together. Just like we're trying to make me survive everything that's happened. Do you think I'm somehow less because I have this burden, because I'm not cool or strong or popular?"

"Of course not." 

"Then don't think like that about yourself, and don't think that you know what I want from you. I want you. I was right the first time we met. You are the damaged hero-type, and I don't give a damn. It's sad that you're hurt, but I like you, this, everything. You."

He looked at Adam long and hard, trying to believe him. "I hate what I am. I hate being weak. I hate all of it. I hate the fact I survived, and she died. I hate myself." 

"Then you're a poop head."

He couldn't help the giggle that rose from his chest. "A what?"

"A poop head," Adam repeated, not laughing at all. "It's not your fault. None of it is. You'd see it if you weren't you. You defend everyone else when you're the most important person you should defend. You're so lovable. You're a gorgeous, beautiful, wonderful, awesome person, and I want you to see that. I can't force you to, but it's true. So yeah, you're a poop head for saying things like that about yourself."

Tommy bit his lip. "You know how stupid that sounds?"

"Made you laugh, though."

It did. "So you don't mind that I'm a basket case?"

Adam grabbed the front of his hoodie, and pulled him close. "I love you. If you flip out on me I'll still love you. If you do stupid things I'll think you do stupid things but I'll still love you. We're like family, okay?"

He smiled because that sounded too good. "I can't be happy all the time. I can't be good all the time. I'm a moody person. I get like that. I'm scared of this." He waved his hands stupidly, showing what _this_ was.

"You're not the only one," Adam said, and kissed him, grabbing his neck, making him take it. It was aggressive, forceful, and everything he would've asked if he could've. He tried to take hold of Adam's arms, tried to hold onto him, but Adam moved, pulled him with him to his own chair, and soon Tommy was straddling Adam's lap, kissing him back with even more force. Adam put one hand to the small of Tommy's back, and the other grabbed his ass, held him close. 

They were almost biting each other, and that was new, and it made his blood rush, made him groan into Adam's mouth, made him arch his back. 

Adam was needy, and his hands were strong, holding him tight, so close it almost hurt. He couldn't even breathe; it was so intense. He pulled back, watching Adam, watching him breathe, watching the line of his upper lip, watching his eyes. "Your eyes are black," he said, trying to calm his racing heart. 

Adam said nothing, just grabbed his hair, and pulled, and it hurt. Adam bit his neck, licked and kissed his skin there, holding him still. He wanted to rub against Adam, and because he could he moved, thrusting against him, against his hard on. "Want me?"

Adam's hand on his ass pushed him down harder, moved with him, greedy. Adam moaned against his throat, and it pulled a sound out of him too, a hurt little noise. 

"I want you naked like this. I want inside you. I want..." Adam bit him again, and he grabbed Adam's neck to hold himself steady. "Yeah..."

He nodded, then put a hand between them, grabbed Adam's cock through his pants, and Adam lost it, shaking, throwing his head back. "I like that," he said against Adam's chin. "I like how you react to me."

Adam nodded, his eyes closed. "Please."

He pushed at Adam's sweatpants, tried to get them down enough to free his cock. "I like this. I like the smell of it. I like how you look. I like the way your heart beats against your rib cage. I like how you can't breathe when I touch you."

Adam bit his lip, his hand in Tommy's hair easing up, stroking more than pulling now, gentle, careful. Tommy had Adam's cock in his hand, warm, heavy, ready in every way. He stroked Adam, soft and slow first, then with more strength, faster. He didn't stop moving, didn't stop his hips from thrusting against Adam. It was a difficult angle, and he almost lost his balance a few times, but Adam held him close, kept him steady. 

Tommy kissed Adam when he groaned, when he tensed. He kissed the sounds out of Adam, sucked his lip when he came, and it was the most incredible experience he'd ever had. Nothing compared. 

When Adam opened his eyes there was nothing but love in them. "Okay, you're officially my favorite person in the world."

Tommy leaned close, his nose touching Adam's. "Yeah?"

"Oh yes, definitely."

"Then do something about this." He pushed Adam's hand against his erection. 

He wasn't prepared for what Adam did next. Adam pushed the tray out of the way, and sat him on top of the table. His pants were down to his thighs before he could even say anything, and then Adam was sucking him off. 

He leaned back on his elbows, but he tried to keep his head up because he wanted to see. He wanted to watch Adam do this. It was hot and incredible and so not his life, yet it was. It felt so good, and he couldn't control his body anymore. He let Adam's mouth take him over, and just moved under Adam's touch, taking it. He lay on the table, grabbing the edge, arching his back, and pushing deeper into Adam's throat. God, he couldn't last any longer. 

And then he was shaking, groaning, biting his arm to muffle the sound. He came, pulsing into Adam's mouth, and he felt Adam swallow. He kind of wanted to laugh. 

"Beautiful," Adam said, pushing his shirts up, revealing his stomach. His legs were jello, and he rested his feet on top of Adam's thighs, trying to breathe. "I can't believe you're mine," Adam whispered against his navel, then licked it. He shivered under the touch. 

Adam pulled his pants up, but let him lie on the table. He was grateful for that. He felt too good to move. 

"You should know that I feel like someone granted me a wish." Adam licked him again, bit the sensitive skin of his stomach. It tickled, but he didn't care. He stroked Adam's hair with his clean hand, the one that didn't have Adam's dry come all over it. 

"Why?" he asked because it felt like the right thing to do.

"Well, you're a much better boyfriend than the imaginary one I've had this past year. I couldn't even dream you up. Reality is so much better."

He giggled because Adam's hands brushed his sides. 

"I love you. It's so easy to be with you. Don't ever think otherwise. I will tell you if something bothers me. I promise." Adam pulled him up and back to his lap, and he went willingly. He was such a pliant little puppet. 

He breathed in Adam's scent, his face buried in Adam's neck. He was sitting sideways in Adam's lap. 

"We better get cleaned up before they come back."

Tommy didn't want to move so he just groaned, grabbing the front of Adam's shirt in both fists. 

"Want me to carry you?"

The idea was ridiculous, but he didn't want to walk either. He just nodded.

"The stairs might be tricky."

He smiled. Adam could conquer them. 

And then he was in Adam's arms, being carried to Adam's room, and he thought about how he hated feeling weak and realized that right now, he didn't feel one bit weak, just satisfied. 

The stairs were a little difficult, but they managed to get upstairs, and when they reached Adam's room Adam put him on the bed, then found clean clothes for himself. Tommy's clothes weren't that damaged, and he only needed to wash his hands. He didn't feel like it, though. He just lay there, watching Adam change, watching the sunlight against his skin. "You've lost weight," he said without thinking, and then realized that was a stupid thing to say. 

Instead of being upset, Adam just straightened up and looked at himself in the mirror. "I have?"

"Yeah..."

"I haven't been medicating myself with sweets lately." Adam's smile was brilliant. "And I think I'm burning more calories because of you."

He grinned back. "I really like the way you look."

Adam turned to look at him. "You do?" 

"Well... You're the first boy I've ever felt this way about. So yeah."

Adam sat on top of the bed, then crawled closer to Tommy. "Why do you think that is?" Adam was over him on his hands and knees, staring down at him.

"I honestly don't know. I don't even know if it's only you. I've never even thought of this possibility. It never came up. I'm affectionate. I've kissed Sutan. I don't like many of the things guys usually like. But still... It never even occurred to me that I could like guys, too. You're the first and only one I've ever wanted this way."

"I'm glad I found you before you fell for some girl." Adam sounded insecure, and Tommy touched his chest, light and easy. 

"I won't fall for some girl. This is not a phase."

Adam leaned down, and kissed his forehead. "Okay."

"You believe me?" He tilted his head back, trying to see Adam's face. "Do you?"

Adam nodded. "Yeah... But you have so many other options. I won't be able to compete against a girl if you someday meet someone gorgeous."

"It doesn't work like that, not for me. I'm... hopeless with this. If you want me I don't ever want to leave. It's that simple." He didn't want to confess this, but Adam was insecure, and he didn't want that, either. 

"So, you're saying you'll be mine as long as I want you?"

He nodded, helpless. 

"Baby, you're doing it again." Adam kissed his nose, his cheek, his lips. "You deserve more." 

Maybe. But he didn't know how to change anything of himself. 

"Don't worry. We'll figure this out."

Adam was probably the only one who could make him see these things. He trusted Adam, and that was a good feeling. "We should probably go clean the table. I don't think your mom would be happy with spunk stains." 

The way Adam stared at him told him exactly what he was thinking. Adam knew the conversation was over. "Yeah?"

"Go clean it," he said, pushing at Adam.

"And you just lie here?"

He grinned. "I'm feeling lazy." He arched his back like a cat, stretching his arms above his head. 

Adam put all his weight on top of him, crushing him. "I'm feeling lazy, too." 

"Can't breathe, can't breathe." He had to laugh, but Adam kissed it away, opening him up with ease. Soon he was burning for Adam, and it wasn't even funny how quick that happened. Adam had his hands captured and his body trapped, and that helplessness should've not been good, but it was. 

"Think about me while I'm gone," Adam said, and then got up, kissing him quickly before leaving. 

He was hard and panting, and a little annoyed that Adam could do this to him. He grabbed his hard cock through his pants, cursing Adam. He could've been lying here happy and relaxed and now, he was just frustrated. 

When Adam came back the lust was gone, but the annoyance wasn't. He stared holes into Adam who was smiling from ear to ear. "You should see yourself right now."

He wanted to bite Adam's head off.

Adam crouched next to the bed, his hand sliding under Tommy's shirt. "I don't think I've ever seen anything as hot as you."

"Hah!" It wasn't the best he could do, but he was really, really frustrated right now. 

Adam's hand brushed his side, then traveled up towards his chest, warm and wonderful, and not nearly enough. "You make me horny. All I can think about is sex when I'm with you."

This was all he could take, but still, he let Adam's hand wander, let him touch him like that, teasing, not giving what he needed. 

"God, Tommy, be more perfect."

"Shut the fuck up, and come here." He held out his hand, and Adam took it, crawling on top of Tommy, finally giving him what he needed.


	17. Chapter 17

Adam fell in love with Cam the moment she started playing, and that was that: they had a keyboardist. She had a busy life because she was in college, and she had a band of her own with a friend of hers, but she promised she'd be able to play with them, too. 

She took with her all the notes Adam had scribbled about the covers they wanted to play next, and Adam also told her that he wanted to try writing something himself. Cam encouraged him to do that, and said she'd done a couple of songs, too, and promised to bring one of them next time so they could see how it felt to play something they'd never even heard before.

After Cam left they spent the rest of the afternoon in Adam's room, watching Dexter. Isaac seemed pleased, a permanent grin on his face, but he didn't say anything. Tommy just guessed it was because they had liked Cam. 

When Isaac left Tommy stayed for a little while longer. He didn't want to go home because that meant tomorrow would come sooner and so would school. They knew Brian was coming back, and they hadn't talked about it at all. 

He was lying on his stomach on Adam's bed, facing the foot of the bed, and Adam was lying next to him on his side. They weren't watching anything anymore, but they weren't talking either. They were tired, and sleepy, and Tommy just wanted to stay. 

"I want to live with you," Adam said, yawning. 

Tommy smiled. It sounded nice. 

"I want to go grocery shopping with you. I want to pay bills with you. I want to wash dishes with you. I want to sleep with you, and I want to wake up next to you every morning."

He curled on his side, watching Adam. He couldn't stop smiling. 

"I want to paint a house with you. I want to read books with you." Adam's hands were under his cheek, and he was smiling, too. "I want everything with you."

He wanted to remind himself that this wasn't going to last, that he would get hurt if he believed such nonsense, but somehow, that seemed so irrelevant. Adam meant those words. "I miss you when I go home."

Adam nodded. 

"I don't want tomorrow to come. I don't want to go to school. I want to stay here." 

Adam touched his shoulder, then his side, pulling him close. Adam kissed the top of his head, and said, "Yeah, I wish."

They needed to talk about Brian. Tommy didn't know how. 

"Tomorrow's gonna suck," Adam finally said, acknowledging what was going to happen. 

"I know." He put his arms around Adam, and Adam trapped him between his arms and legs. 

"He's going to be there, and I don't know... I can't see him. I can't do this." Adam sounded hurt in a way he hadn't sounded like before. "He won't let me be, and he will find a way to hurt you."

Tommy nodded, breathing against Adam's chest, his hair on his face. "Have you talked to your parents? You could change schools."

Adam's hold on him tightened. "No."

It was simple. They'd do this together. "I won't let him hurt you again," he said, and he sounded cold. 

"Do you see any way out for us?" 

He didn't. The only thing he could do was to push it and see if things would go his way. It was a tight spot because he couldn't do much if he didn't want to get expelled, but he had to do enough to keep the tenuous balance. And Brian was unpredictable. Tommy had no idea what he would do, how far he would go to revenge a humiliation. "I see opportunities, but they are all thin. We need to play at school, make as many people see and hear you sing, make you cool-weird, not freaky-weird in their eyes. We need to either make Brian lose interest in you, or humiliate him so bad he can't get the majority of the people on his side. Even he can't fight the masses. I don't know. It sucks to be us right now."

Adam pulled back, looked at him with serious eyes, and said, "Your way of thinking is so different... Outside the box. I'm not surprised you thought it was a good idea to tie someone to a lamppost."

It hadn't been a good idea. It was a whim. He'd wanted something _explained_ , and that was his way of making it happen. It had been a lot simpler situation. He wasn't so involved, and nothing stopped him from reacting. Now he had to think about so many things: his mom, Adam, even his education and future. He wanted to finish high school, and he wanted to do it in the same school where Adam was.

He moved so he could kiss Adam, and they did for a while, just enjoying each other, trying to forget how unfair their lives were at the moment. It was comforting, and sweet, and when they finally stopped they were both smiling again. 

"You always make me feel better," Adam said, stroking his cheek. He was lying on his back, and Adam was leaning over him, staring. 

The feeling was completely mutual. 

Then all of a sudden Adam blushed and looked away.

"What? What are you thinking?" He grabbed Adam's hand, and kissed his knuckles. "Tell me."

"I've... Well..." Adam looked at him again. "Do you want to do everything with me?"

He was confused at first because they'd talked about painting houses and going grocery shopping, but then he understood what Adam meant. "Like sex? Fucking?"

"Um... Yeah. Would you like to try that?"

"Now?"

Adam giggled. "Not now. Imagine my dad walking in here while we did _that_."

"I really don't want to imagine that." He bit his lip. "I don't know. You're kind of big."

"Oh..." Adam looked at his lips, and he felt the need to lick them. "It could be nice."

"It would be weird." He'd never even fingered himself. The whole idea was weird. 

"We could watch porn. You could tell me what you wouldn't like. I could tell you what I'd like to try." Adam sounded like he was trying to hold back how much he wanted to try things. 

"You've been thinking about this." He pushed Adam's hair back, and then held onto him. 

Adam snorted. "The understatement of the year. You are beyond gorgeous. I can't keep my eyes and hands off you. All I want to do is... Yeah, I've been thinking about it."

Tommy smiled. He loved this guy. Loved. "Do you have anything good on your computer?"

Adam beamed, then let go of Tommy and went to get his laptop. 

"Keep the sound off," Tommy said, way too excited about this. 

The same excitement was clear on Adam's face when he chased the screensaver away, and then went through his files. "I have favorites. Let's check those first." 

Tommy nodded. 

They lay down on their stomachs, their sides touching, and they were both leaning on their elbows. Adam muted the computer, and clicked the first video open. 

Tommy stared. "Nahhah. Can't do that."

"I'm strong enough to hold you up."

"I don't care. Too weird."

Adam closed that video and clicked the second one open. "What about this one?"

"Oh..." He'd already experienced _that_. "He seems to like it."

Adam leaned closer and whispered, "So did you."

Damn it. He always blushed. He couldn't help it. "Maybe."

"I also like this." Adam clicked another video open, and it was hot. Tommy had never seen anything like it. The guy who was in charge knew exactly what he was doing, and he seemed to know what made the other guy tick. The guy was a wanton mess, the expressions on his face showing pure bliss, and Tommy wondered if he'd like that, too. 

"Okay... That one I like." He leaned closer to Adam's side. "They are both into it, and it's clear the top is doing everything to please the bottom. It seems like he's taking, but he's the one giving, like he has all the power in the world, yet he chooses to use it in this way..." He should've probably felt embarrassed about saying these things, but it was analytic so it was also less weird, and Adam was listening, watching the screen, biting his lip in concentration. 

"So it's more about..." Adam stopped himself in mid-sentence, and turned to look at Tommy. "You'd like that? You'd let me do that?"

Maybe. "Not like tomorrow, but yeah..."

Adam kissed the tip of his nose. "I love you."

It still felt so odd to hear that. "Why?" 

"Are you serious?"

He nodded. 

Adam stared at him for a little while longer, and then said, "I could say all kinds of wonderful things about you, and I'm not sure if you'd believe any of them. But if I say this maybe you will: I like myself with you. I'm the best version of myself with you. It's so easy to be close to you. I feel like you let me be, and I've never felt like that with anyone. You're like a constant reminder of the fact that it's okay to be me. But why I love _you_... Because you shine brighter than anything else in my mind. You're with me all the time."

Tommy swallowed hard, trying to breathe at the same time, and he made a funny, broken sound. It was difficult to let someone love him, even when they were family. Letting Adam love him meant that he left himself wide open for him to trespass into his soul. He didn't want that, but he had no idea how to stop it, either. "What if I don't want to be the bottom?" he asked, backtracking, wanting to escape this conversation. 

"I'd still love you," Adam said carefully, kind of grinning. "And even if you didn't like anything except what we've already done it would be enough. Oh... And I'd let you do that to me." Adam pointed at the screen, and Tommy looked at the guys fucking each other's brains out. 

"Mom always says that if things seem too good they're not real." He didn't dare to look at Adam so he stared at the cover of the bed, the patterns there. 

He could hear Adam breathing. He wanted to close his eyes, or leave, or just stop being because he wasn't cut out for this. He didn't understand how he could believe that this would work. 

When Adam spoke it was a whisper next to Tommy's ear. "Are you real?"

He nodded. 

Adam traced his spine with one finger, and he arched under his touch. "You're too good to be true," Adam said, sliding his hand over Tommy's ass, pushing his hand between Tommy's thighs, and then moving it back up all the way to his neck. "Yet, you're real, and you're into this, into me."

He was. He bared his neck to Adam, ducked his head, and waited, breathing, his hips moving slightly. 

"You want me."

Tommy moaned, spreading his legs, and Adam kiss-bit his neck and let his hand slide back between Tommy's legs to grab his balls. 

"This is too good to be true," Adam whispered against his skin. "You moaning for me, spreading your legs for me." Adam rubbed his balls through his pants, gentle but firm, making him squirm. "And you tell me that you'd let me spread your legs further and bury myself into you. You'd let me push inside you. You'd let me fuck you, make love to you. And you'd be so into it. You'd be so ready. I'd make you ready."

He grabbed at the cover, pushing against Adam's hand, lifting his hips off the mattress, wanting Adam to touch him, make him come. "Fuck... Please."

Adam pushed his hand further down, rubbing his hard cock through his pants, and he made a too loud sound. "Shhhh..." Adam said, placing a hand over his mouth, and he licked the palm, shaking in Adam's arms. 

He was whining now, moving against Adam's hand in a similar rhythm as Adam was keeping, and it felt so, so good. 

"I'd make you come on my cock, and you'd love it. You'd be a squirming, panting mess under me, and you'd want me to fuck you faster, harder, more. Wouldn't you?"

He didn't get enough air to speak and the hand was still there, but he nodded. 

Adam moved on top of him, only letting go of him long enough to slide his hand under his body from the side, and then he was imitating fucking him, still rubbing his cock, still giving him enough friction, still holding a palm over his mouth. He'd never been so turned on in his life, and when he came he bit Adam's hand, his ring finger. 

"Oh god..." Adam said next to his sweaty cheek, still moving his hips, rubbing himself off on Tommy's ass. "You're... Oh my god..."

He grabbed Adam's thigh, wanting to tell him to let go, to come, but he was too exhausted to do that. He was just shaking, moving under Adam, and then he felt Adam go tense, and he was making a pained sound low in his throat. 

Adam stayed on top of him for a little while longer, then slid off, still mostly holding him. "See... too good, but still real."

Tommy laughed, quiet and happy and beyond brain activity. 

They'd fix tomorrow later. This was just them in their perfect world.


	18. Chapter 18

The atmosphere at school became unbearable when Brian came back, and what made it even worse was that nothing happened. For the first two days Brian stayed out of their way, said nothing, tried nothing, but Tommy could feel the doom looming over their heads. Brian was planning something, or he was waiting for something, but one thing was clear, they weren't safe. 

Adam wasn't fooled either. It wasn't a truce, not even a cold war. Brian wanted them gone or worse, and they didn't know how to solve their predicament. 

It was possible Brian bought Tommy's little game of being a dangerous gang member, but Tommy was pretty sure that wasn't the reason why things were quiet. 

On Wednesday at lunch, Tommy watched Brian and his gang while waiting for Adam and Isaac to finish their food. There was something sad about the way they were all trying to impress each other without ever really listening, without ever really caring what the others had in mind. He'd often watched people at his old school, from afar, seeing more than people usually wanted to show. They were all insecure, even more than Adam was, more than he was himself. 

Money couldn't buy happiness. 

"If you keep staring he'll notice," Isaac said, low and quiet. 

He knew that. Maybe he wanted Brian to notice. "Yeah." He leaned back in his chair, raising it on its hind legs. He wanted something to happen. He was impatient and annoyed and careless. 

"Tommy," Adam whispered, sounding urgent. "Please."

He looked at Adam, then Isaac, and turned back to watch Brian who right then turned to look at him. He could read the _What's your fucking problem?_ on his face, but it had no effect on him. The only thing he feared was someone else getting hurt. If he got hurt that didn't really matter, especially if it happened for a good cause.

"Stop that," Adam whispered. "You're making it worse."

Brian didn't look away, and neither did he, and now it was a staring contest, it seemed. He knew Brian was measuring him, thinking if he could take him, wondering just what kind of a disadvantage it was that he was so much smaller - if any. 

"You can't fight him," Adam said, louder than before, trying to make him look at him. "Be reasonable." 

He wanted to growl. He was so frustrated. He knew something was coming, and he had absolutely no fucking clue what. He wanted to ask Brian, just throw it in his face: "Why are you doing this?" 

Then Brian stood, walked up to their table, and said to Tommy, "I want to talk to you. Alone."

"No," Adam said, his voice weak but determined. 

Tommy looked at Adam. "It's okay." He got up, and followed Brian before Adam could say anything else. His heart was pounding in his chest, adrenaline surging in his veins. This was crazy, but he couldn't take the non-existent peace any longer. Something had to happen. 

Brian led him to an empty corridor, near where their lockers were, and then asked, "Who are you?"

Tommy just stared at him. He hadn't expected a conversation. 

Brian leaned against the wall, crossing his arms and ankles. "Why do you care what happens to him?" 

"He's my friend," he said, slow and careful, standing opposite Brian but still far enough that he could easily avoid an attack. 

"He wasn't your friend before." 

Tommy swallowed. This was what he had wanted to avoid: thinking of Brian as a person, someone with feelings and thoughts and ideas. He'd hoped Brian would just be stupid. He wasn't. "No, but I tend to side with people who've done nothing to deserve the shit people throw at them."

"That wasn't a lucky accident, was it? You tackling me?" Brian hadn't moved, but his intentions were right there, in Tommy's face. He felt the change, something shifting in the space between them. 

"No." 

"I want to kill you. That's how fucking annoying you are to me." Brian pushed himself off the wall, but didn't take a step closer to Tommy. He was just staring at Tommy, like he was trying to see through him. 

"You're not the first one," he said softly, and he knew he was passing the test. He was a nasty bastard, and he'd seen many things. He may not have been in a gang, but he could've been. His friends had always been good for him. 

Brian tilted his head to the side, his gray eyes cold, his mouth a thin angry line. "You're dead," he said quietly, and walked away. 

He breathed out, thinking about Adam against that guy, managing to get a hit through those defenses. How scared he must have been when he realized that it would turn violent, too. Brian wasn't the only one who wanted blood, and even as he thought of that he knew it was stupid. They were high school kids. They were young. Yet, kids attacked kids all the time. 

He didn't know how to fix this. 

When he got back to the cafeteria Adam and Isaac were the only ones still there. Adam looked relieved when he saw Tommy, his face opening into a happy smile. "What did he want?" Adam asked, looking around quickly and then taking Tommy's hand when no one was there to see it, no one but Isaac. 

He squeezed Adam's hand. "He wanted to see who I was."

"See how?"

"If I've been in a gang, if I'm dangerous, if I'm worth the trouble. I don't know. I don't know what he wanted to see, and I'm not sure if I was what he expected, or if I only made things worse."

Isaac cleared his throat to get their attention, then asked, "Did you get anything out of him?"

Tommy nodded. "He's not stupid, and he wants me... gone."

"I could've told you that," Isaac said. "He's not doing this because he doesn't know any better. He's desperate, and desperate people are dangerous. His dad wants to send him to a military school."

"I hope he does," Adam said, vehement, his shoulders set. "I hope we get rid of him."

Isaac got up and then sat on top of the table, and Tommy realized he was upset. "You have loving families. He doesn't."

Tommy wanted to throw his hands in the air and just give up. His life sucked. "I can't save everybody," he said, beyond frustrated. 

Isaac shrugged. "No, you can't. But you can at least make your decisions based on everything you know."

"What decisions? I don't have any choices. He wants me dead." He didn't mean to say that out loud, and now Adam looked like someone had punched all the air out of his chest. 

The silence made his skin itch. "He said that. He's not a boy scout. He's not some misunderstood kid who needs guidance. He's a mean motherfucker, and he wants me dead." There. He fucking said it. 

Adam touched his arm, but he shook his hand away. "We need to tell the teachers. Tommy, we can't do this alone."

"And what can they do? What can anyone do? I don't know what we're supposed to do in this situation. I don't know everything." 

"You don't have to," Adam said, and his voice was quiet, soft, like a gentle touch. "I'm not expecting you to. You can be scared."

He wasn't scared. He was upset. All control was slipping through his fingers, and he didn't like the feeling. It made him feel powerless. "Fuck him." He squeezed his eyes shut, pushing his fists against them. "Fuck this. I don't want... Fuck."

Adam pulled him into a hug, and he didn't resist it, just let him hold him until his breaths were even again. 

"Are you like... together?" Isaac whispered, and Tommy pulled back quickly, wiping his hands on his thighs, breathing, breathing, breathing. 

Adam was trying to get him to look at him, but when he didn't Adam said, "Yeah... Yes."

That's it? Everyone would and should know? He glanced at Adam, then Isaac who was staring at both of them with a bewildered look. "Got a problem with that?" Tommy asked, and he honest to fucking god didn't mean to sound so challenging. Bad timing. Bad fucking week. 

Isaac shook his head. "It's cool. I'm just surprised. You're so... You're... Well... You know..."

He didn't know. 

"He's like wild energy, isn't he?" Adam said, soft and sweet, and it made him breathe a little easier. 

"I always thought he'd be the chick magnet of our band." Isaac bit his lips, trying to keep the grin off his face. 

"You'll have to do." Tommy slapped the back of his head, not hard at all, just playful, and Isaac smiled at him. "Or Cam," he said.

"Oh cool." Adam grinned like a loon, and then they were all laughing. 

They were good together. They should be able to solve this, too. Tommy wanted to look forward already. He wanted a future with this band and with Adam. He wanted to do and dream and love. 

The solution came in the form of a knife. 

It happened on his birthday of all days. Adam had planned something nice for him after school, and it was finally possible because his parents had given him the right to go to places again. He wasn't grounded anymore. 

They were eager to leave already, eager to go to the mall, to have their time together, and their minds weren't on the things that were happening at school. 

The only thing that saved Tommy was Adam's quick thinking and the fact that they had been training - not just that one time but whenever Adam had felt like it.

The corridor was mostly empty because the class was over, and the next one was already beginning, and they'd been the last ones to leave. 

It took Adam longer to leave the classroom because he had trash to throw away, and that's why he was behind Tommy when it happened, and that's why he saw it. That's why the knife didn't pierce Tommy's back, didn't hurt his internal organs. It only scratched his arm because Adam warned him, and pushed at Brian at the same time so hard he lost his balance and fell. 

Adam stared at his hands, stared at Tommy like him being alive and breathing was a miracle, and Tommy could only stare back. It felt surreal. 

Time seemed to slow down. 

And then there were people running towards them, and Tommy saw Brian slide the knife under a trophy shelf. 

Tommy put his leather jacket on to cover his bleeding arm. He didn't know why he did that. He didn't know why he whispered to Adam, "There was no knife," before anyone reached them. Adam looked shocked but nodded, trusting Tommy. 

"Did anyone see what happened?" their math teacher said, his voice rising above the chatter of the students around them. Nobody said anything, protecting the bastard, just like Tommy was doing too. Why? All he had to do was show his arm and tell where the knife was. 

"He fell," Tommy said. "Stupid situation. We came out too fast, ran into each other, and he fell."

The teacher looked at Brian. "Is that what happened?"

Brian was staring at Tommy. "Yeah." 

"You do know we're watching all three of you?"

Tommy nodded, not taking his eyes off Brian. He didn't know what he saw in his eyes, but it wasn't a cold blooded killer. What was going on here?

The teacher touched Adam's arm, and Tommy winced. Adam was too honest. Could he lie? "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I just thought something bad was happening, but it's fine. Nothing happened. Sorry."

It seemed like the teacher didn't believe one bit what they were saying, but since all of them kept the same story there wasn't much he could do. He just ushered them to the next class, not giving them a chance to act up more. He also told their teacher that something had been going on between them earlier, and she should get someone to escort them to their buses.

When they finally got to the bus Adam took his hand briefly, seemingly worried that he would faint or something because of the wound. It wasn't deep, but it was nice that Adam cared.

He didn't get off at his own stop because he was now free to go wherever he wanted after school as long as he did his homework at some point. He kind of loved his mom, and the fact that she trusted him again. 

When they reached Adam's house Adam waited for the bus to drive off, and then took Tommy's hand and pulled him with him into the house, up the stairs, and to the bathroom. Tommy hollered hello to Leila and Neil, but Adam said nothing to them. 

Adam pushed him on top of the toilet bowl, and asked him to take off his jacket. He did, wincing a little because his arm hurt. 

"You're stupid," Adam said, taking his hand in his and twisting Tommy's arm to the light. "It's your birthday."

Tommy stared at him, wondering what was going on. It wasn't such a big deal, just a small cut. 

Adam got a first aid kit from the top of the mirror cabinet, and found the disinfectant and cotton wad. "You don't die on your birthday."

 _Oh..._ Tommy twisted his arm so it was easier for Adam to clean it. He didn't know what to say. 

"Promise me you'll always be careful. When we get out of high school... Promise me you won't fight with anyone. I don't... Just promise."

He nodded, watching Adam work, watching his hands and his face, those eyes full of concern. 

"Why didn't you tell the truth? It's possible he would've gone to juvie for that." 

"That's why," he said, still staring, fascinated by the way Adam was taking care of him. 

Adam let go of him, even took a step back. "He'll be there tomorrow. He'll be there for a long, long time unless his dad sends him to the military school. This won't change anything. He won't stop. He wanted to kill you. Next time I might not be fast enough; you might not dodge in the right direction. Tommy, what were you thinking?"

"He's not a killer."

"He wanted to put a knife in you. He nearly succeeded. He would've been. He could've been." Adam touched his face, pushed his hair back, holding onto him. "Don't think you're invincible. Please..."

"I don't..." It wasn't that. He didn't think that nothing could harm him. Things had hurt him. He'd seen death. He knew what could happen. It just wasn't such a big deal. Except maybe it was because Adam was looking at him like that, because Adam's lower lip was trembling, and he was trying to hold back tears. 

"Yeah," Adam said softly. "That's why."

"Sorry." He looked up at Adam, feeling like a total idiot. 

"You should be. You matter to me."

"Sorry." He breathed in. "I'm sorry."

"Okay." Adam started bandaging his arm again, and this time he felt the pain, felt the broken skin, felt the fear, too, and when it was over he pulled Adam close, breathing in his scent, his face buried in Adam's stomach. 

Adam stroked his hair, murmuring something he couldn't even hear, and he just wanted to stay there. 

When they went out it was to a cheap restaurant, and Adam paid for everything. The food was greasy but good, and the company was the best he'd ever had. Adam had even bought him a gift, and he wasn't at all hesitant to give it to him right in front of everyone. "Let them look," Adam just said, and pushed the small box closer to him on the table. 

He took it, looking at it. It was the second gift Adam had given him, the first one still hanging around his neck under his shirt. 

Gifts made him nervous for some reason. 

He opened it slowly, feeling Adam's eyes on him, and he let out a little squeal when he saw what it was. "Oh my god..." It was a pouch for his cellphone with an artistic bat on the cover, black, cool, but so damn cute when he looked at it closer. Such an Adam thing to do to give him something that was cool and cute at the same time. 

Tommy looked at him, beaming. "Thank you."

"You like it?"

"Love it." He dug out his phone, and put it in the pouch, turning it around in his hand. "Sweet."

Adam smiled. "I'm glad you like it."

"I have a perfect boyfriend," he whispered, and Adam's smile grew wider.


	19. Chapter 19

The next morning should've been a disaster. Tommy was sure something worse would happen, but nothing did. He went to get the knife from under the trophy shelf, and he was surprised that it was still there. He threw it away, threw it into the trash can of the second floor bathroom, feeling like a criminal.

It was weird how quiet things became after that. And it wasn't like everything just stopped. The bullies still made rude remarks about Adam; Brian still acted like an asshole towards both of them; everybody still thought that Adam was a weirdo - but something had changed. 

One night in Adam's room, he finally figured out what it was, what was different now. 

"Should I wear this to school tomorrow?" Adam asked, modelling a weird geometric shirt that made him look a bit girlish. Adam had started to use more makeup, and he'd done something to his eyebrows, too. They were darker now. 

He looked stunning. 

"Yeah, it's great." 

_Adam_ had changed. They were still at it, trying to make him feel miserable about himself, yet it helped that Tommy and Isaac were there. Tommy kept the worst of it at bay, but the bullies had realized he wasn't _that_ dangerous. Somehow, they still didn't step over the line, the one that would make him snap and tear a hole into their little school universe. 

"You think so?" Adam turned around, posing some more, and Tommy sat a little straighter in the armchair, smiling. 

Adam was more confident, but it wasn't just that. Adam was more Adam, too, like his strangeness was something he embraced now, something he cherished. Maybe it was because of the band and because they were together, but it was possible Adam just felt free. 

Tommy stood, walked up to Adam, turned him to face the mirror, and stared at Adam over his shoulder. He had to rise on his tiptoes to see properly - Mom kept saying he'd grow still, but he wasn't holding his breath. "You look like a rockstar." 

"Really?" Adam sneaked an arm around his waist and pulled him to his side. They were both wearing black, Tommy's skinny jeans riding low on his hipbones, skin peeking from between his T-shirt and pants. They looked good together, and Tommy leaned his head against Adam's shoulder just to see how it looked. 

"See?" he said, staring into Adam's eyes in the mirror. They fit. He fit under Adam's arm. 

Adam nodded. "Let's take a picture."

They took several, and Adam sent the best ones to his phone. They made faces and then posed all serious and cool-looking, but the best one was where they both smiled - even though Tommy thought his smile made his face look funny and wide.

When he went to bed that night he stared at that picture, happiness swelling in his chest. He was so in love, and he was finally starting to accept it.

Everything felt better because of it.

At the breakfast table, Mom asked him intrusive questions about Adam and school and the band. He tried to answer honestly because he knew she meant well, but nevertheless, they were almost adults, and he didn't want to explain himself to his parents. 

He feared the day when he would have to tell his dad that yes, he was bisexual and he loved another guy. He feared that his dad wouldn't take it seriously, that he'd want Tommy to choose differently since he could (why make life so difficult for yourself?). 

The weirdest thing happened at school when Marie and her three friends came to talk to them before third period and asked if Adam would perform at the upcoming school festival they were organizing. They'd seen him in one of the school plays, and thought he was an amazing singer. 

Adam beamed the rest of the day, and Tommy wondered if he'd have to hold onto Adam's hand just to keep him from flying off the ground.

"Nobody said anything bad today," Adam whispered in the bus on their way back home. "What's happening?"

Tommy didn't know. "Maybe they'll leave you alone."

"Have you seen the movie _Carrie_?" 

Tommy nodded, a miserable feeling spreading through him. 

"Yeah... I want to believe in good things, but... Brian once invited me to the mall with them, and made me pay for everything. They just left me with the bill. I had to ask Mom to transfer money to my account. I don't know..."

"How long has it been going on?" Tommy asked, not entirely sure if he wanted to know the answer. 

"The picture just intensified it." Adam looked out the window, then turned back to face him. "It started during freshman year."

Tommy bit his lip so he wouldn't say what he wanted to say. 

"But it was tolerable back then. I knew that people didn't like me, but it wasn't like this. They weren't targeting me. I was just a part of that group nobody wanted to be associated with."

"Bullying should be against the law." Tommy whisper-spat the words out of his mouth. 

Adam smiled fondly, like he thought Tommy was a little soft in the head. "And how would we prosecute kids? Where would we put them? It should start from home, people teaching their children not to hate others."

"But you heard Isaac, not everyone has good parents, and should everyone suffer because of that? I just want a normal life for all of us. I want to concentrate on music and you and just having fun. Why should we deal with this? Lots of people have nice things going on for them. It's unfair that these people can hurt you, that they can do all these things and nobody stops them."

Adam touched Tommy's thigh, all stealthy and secretive. "You've already made a difference. I feel safe with you. And... I know I'm going to survive. I know this isn't going to stop me from being who I am. And I know that after this, nothing's gonna break me. I can't explain it, but I know I'm good, and it's because of you. Even if they throw pig's blood on me I know I'm good enough. Even if they laugh at me I know I'm good enough, and this isn't going to last forever. A little over a year and a half. We can do that. We can do anything."

 _This_ had changed. Adam was looking into the future, too. "So we're going to do this together?" Tommy asked softly.

"Every day. I'll be here for you, and I promise I'll get through anything. But you have to promise the same. Get through. Remember this when you feel like you're not worth it." Adam showed him the scar on his thumb. _Blood brothers._ "Remember us."

He had to look at his hands in his lap because Adam's eyes were too intense.

Adam leaned close, whispering. "I love your fierce ass. I'mma keep you. And for that you need me to get through this."

Tommy smiled, a private little smile he tried to bite off his lips but couldn't. 

"I don't really care anymore if they get off my case or not as long as they don't try to hurt me physically. And if they try I'll be ready, and you'll be there."

He wanted to ask: "What about Brian's death threat," but for some reason he was pretty sure that had been a one time thing, something that overstepped all the boundaries, and Brian wasn't willing to try that again. Everything else seemed like a challenge right now, and Tommy wondered what had happened to them. He was pretty sure people didn't usually deal like this. "We could try that blackmail..."

"And draw his attention to us, get him worked up over us? What if we just start ignoring him completely and concentrate on getting a few of those gigs at school and at the bar... What's its name? The one that's for minors?" 

Tommy shrugged. How should he know? He wasn't the one who'd live here all his life. 

"Oh yeah, Red Room."

He snorted. "Sounds like a brothel."

Adam snorted too, nodding, then grabbed Tommy's elbow and pushed him off his seat because it was their stop and they'd nearly missed it.

They ran to the house, laughing, horsing around, too close, too touchy-feely, and the moment the door to Adam's room closed behind them Adam kissed him, pushing him against the wall, hands on his hips. Tommy grabbed Adam's hair, his shoulders, holding on, trying to give as good as he was getting. 

When Adam pulled back they were both panting. 

"What?" Tommy asked, unable to stay still, needing Adam to do something. 

"They're not home," Adam said, and bit his chin. "My parents. Neil."

His mind didn't catch up fast enough because he was dazed by Adam's closeness. "What?" he repeated, trying to focus his gaze on Adam's. 

"Not coming home until the evening, visiting relatives," Adam whispered in his ear, and he finally realized what Adam was saying. 

Tommy pulled Adam in for another kiss, then whispered back, "You want that?"

"If you want it."

He didn't know what he wanted, but it sure as hell made him harder. "Oh God... You're really fucking big."

Adam kissed his neck, giggling a little. "Do you want me to feel bad about it?" He giggled again. 

The nervousness Adam was feeling spread to him, too, and he swallowed. "Can we... like do what feels good, and see from there?" 

Adam looked at him, pushed his hair back, and cupped his face. "Scared?"

He mouthed _yes_ , and Adam kissed him, long and sweet, making him open up. His legs were shaking, his knees buckling. God damn! 

"I want you," Adam said between soft kisses. "But you tell me if you don't want something, okay?"

Tommy nodded.

Adam lifted him up, pulled Tommy's legs around his waist, then carried him to the bed and dropped him there, staring down at him. 

"Fuck..." Tommy muttered, watching the bulge of Adam's pants. "Shit, fuck."

Adam's face cracked into a smile. "You're beautiful like that."

"Do something," he said, rising on his elbows. "I'll run if you don't."

"As if." Adam touched his raised knee, spread it wider. "You like this."

He nodded, a little frantic, a lot honest. "Just..."

"I know," Adam said, warm, his hand sliding down Tommy's inner thigh. "I know." Adam knelt on the floor, and put his hands under Tommy's thighs, pulling. 

Tommy grabbed Adam's hair, holding himself up with his stomach muscles. "Never even had fingers in me, just your tongue."

"It's okay." Adam bit his inner thigh, and he sucked in a breath. It hurt in a perfect way. 

"I have a problem." Tommy breathed a few times, staring at Adam. "Control freak."

Adam's smile was devious. "Not with me."

When Adam's mouth and warm breath surrounded his balls through his pants he dropped his head on the bed, arching his back. 

"Let me. Please." Adam sounded so good. 

He didn't know what he was agreeing to, but he nodded, then said, "Okay. Yeah."

Adam's hands followed his mouth, and soon his crotch was cocooned in warmth, Adam sucking and kissing his balls, his fingers finding his cock, stroking it through the fabric of his jeans. 

"Take them off," Tommy said, hands on his belt buckle. "I want to feel your mouth. Just... God." Right then Adam squeezed harder and he jerked his hips up. "Fuck..."

Adam opened the buckle and his pants, then pulled his jeans all the way off, leaving his briefs on. 

He tried to push himself into a sitting position, but Adam spread him on the bed, held an arm over the entire length of his upper body, his hand reaching Tommy's throat. "Stay." Adam breathed with him, then added, "Please."

Tommy held his breath, then settled down, relaxing. Adam would drive him insane with this controlling. 

When he gave in Adam just stared at him for a moment, and then put his hands on Tommy's knees and spread his legs wide apart. He felt exposed like that, but he just looked at Adam, stubbornly trying to let go. 

Adam kissed the softest part of his thigh, then bit it, and he cried out, startled. Adam rubbed the length of his cock again, gentle, very careful, and when Tommy focused on that Adam bit him again, not hard but it still broke him a little. "Tell me anytime if you don't like something," Adam said softly, licking a trail between his legs. 

"It's okay... Fuck." He groaned when Adam nosed him through his briefs, kissed and licked him, even bit him, and then he grabbed Adam's hair because he needed to hold onto something. He wanted to push his briefs down, wanted naked skin, wanted. 

Instead of giving him that Adam stopped, crawled up over him on hands and knees, and said, "Do you trust me?"

Tommy didn't hesitate, just nodded, moving under Adam, his legs touching Adam's. 

"I want to do something." Adam kissed him, then licked his mouth. "I bought something, and if you don't want to try it I can."

His heart was in his throat, but still, this made him more intrigued and less scared of what was happening. "Yeah? What's that?"

"A dildo."

He looked at Adam, then laughed. "What?"

"It's small, smaller than I am, and I thought that would make it easier."

It helped that Adam wasn't blushing. Tommy bit his lip, then lifted his hips of the bed, teasing, touching. "You want to play with me."

"I want to do everything with you." Adam kissed him again, pushing Tommy's body down to the mattress with his own, rubbing against him. 

"How you wanna do it?"

Adam looked shocked. "Really?"

Tommy grinned. "You clearly want to fill me... There has to be something in it."

"Fuck, Tommy..." Adam kissed him again, crushed him, grabbed his hands and held him down. 

When Adam finally let go, pushed himself back on his hands and knees, Tommy was ready to let him do anything, whatever crazy idea Adam came up with next he'd do it. He'd do fucking anything. 

"Shower?" Adam asked softly, standing on his knees between Tommy's legs, stroking Tommy's skin, feather-light touches tickling. 

He held out his hands, and Adam pulled him up. He wrapped his legs around Adam, let Adam lift him up and carry him to the bathroom. They were kissing the whole time, giggling when Adam almost dropped him at the bathroom door. 

Then they were naked, stepping into the bathtub, and Tommy had his back to Adam, and Adam's hands were sliding down his body. Warm water poured over them, and Adam followed traces of it on his back, his spine, fingers gentle, loving. 

Tommy had to put his hands against the wall because he was shaking too much. The way Adam touched him made him feel precious, important, loved, and he wasn't very good at taking it. He couldn't even imagine how it would feel if Adam was inside him. 

"You're so beautiful." Adam kissed his neck. "The most beautiful thing ever."

Adam's hands were slippery with soap, and he was washing Tommy all over, guiding him down on his knees. 

He turned to look at Adam over his shoulder. "What?"

"Spread your legs a little." Adam held onto his waist, his hands heavy there. "Please."

Tommy did that, still looking at Adam. 

"Relax." Adam whispered the word close to his ear, next to the shaved side of his head. 

He felt Adam's hand cup his balls, rub them, then move up to push against his hole. He had to keep looking at Adam, the way Adam looked at him, stared at Tommy's ass, at his own hand there, and then Adam pushed the tip of his finger in, a gentle push and pull and then even more pressure. 

Tommy grabbed at the sink close by, needing something solid, his mind tuning into the push-pull of Adam's finger curling inside him. He pulled in a shuddering breath, tilting his head back, needing Adam to kiss him. 

Adam's other hand left his waist and grabbed his hair and pulled him into a wet needy kiss. He was shaking now, unable to stay still, and he didn't know what to think of the feel of Adam's finger inside him. 

"You're so warm and tiny. God..." Adam breathed against his mouth. 

"Tiny being the operative word," he said, sounding breathless and broken and turned on, heavy like everything in him was anchored to Adam. 

Adam nuzzled his neck, moving his finger inside him, and he managed to rub against Tommy's prostate, and it pulled a strange sound out of him, something between good kind of hurt and blinding pleasure. "Fuck. Do that again..."

Adam did, adding pressure too, pushing the tip of another finger inside him, and Tommy grabbed his wrist, resting his forehead against the wall. 

"Oh fuck... Wait."

Adam licked his ear, his other hand travelling up Tommy's stomach to his chest to tease one of his nipples. "I can't look at you. If I do... I want to bury myself into you. So bad. So fucking bad."

That made him shake even more, and now he was trembling in Adam's arms. His knees were starting to hurt, and Adam hadn't moved his hand, hadn't pushed in further or pulled out, and it made him want to scream. "Please, fuck, please, do something."

Adam pulled his fingers out, and then he could feel the head of Adam's cock against his hole, just that, just the head, and Adam wasn't trying anything. "I want to. God, I want to."

Tommy pushed back, felt Adam tense behind him. "I'm really fucking into this," he said to make sure that Adam didn't have any second thoughts. 

Adam put an arm around his stomach, held him close, but didn't move himself. He groaned against Tommy's neck. "So am I."

He would faint if something didn't happen soon, so turned on his vision was blurring. "Put that thing in me."

The arm around him pulled him a fraction closer, and a little bit of Adam sank deeper into him, pushing past the rim, just a little. 

He bit his arm. "I meant..."

"I know." Adam pulled back, pulling out, too, and some breath came crushing into Tommy's lungs. 

He felt cold when Adam moved, got the toy, but then Adam was right there again, and it was heat, his skin burning. 

"You can do it to me if you want to?" Adam whispered, kissing his spine. 

Tommy tried to think about that, but his mind couldn't handle the images. He just moved closer to Adam, leaned against him, and tilted his head back, resting it against Adam's shoulder. "No, you." That was all he could say, and then Adam's hands were all over him, stroking his sides, his thighs, his stomach, the dildo in his right hand, touching Tommy's skin. 

He was fascinated by it, and he grabbed Adam's hand to look at it. He'd only seen pictures before and this one wasn't like the tacky look-alikes. It was black, and it had four different sized balls attached to each other, the last one assuring that it wouldn't go too deep. It didn't look intimidating, just interesting, and Tommy pulled Adam's hand closer to his mouth, and licked the dildo, then sucked it into his mouth. 

"You can't be real," Adam breathed against his ear. "Seriously."

It felt weirdly intimate, like he wouldn't do this with anyone but Adam ever, like he wouldn't dare being this person with anyone but him. And that too made this feel better than anything else before. Adam was so close, their bodies flush against each other, Adam's cock nestled against his ass, Adam's other arm still around his body. 

"Let me," Adam said, then kissed his neck. 

He nodded, letting go of Adam's hand, and Adam guided his hands against the wall. He let his head drop between his shoulders, relaxing, spreading his legs as far as the tub let him. 

Adam's hand slid down his spine, then pushed at his lower back until he arched it. The water running down his back was warm, and he was grateful Adam had wanted to take him to the shower. 

He heard the bottle of lube open, then felt Adam stroke his entrance with two fingers, felt them push in gently. Two fingers, and he took it, mouth open, no sound coming out. 

"I'm gonna come just from looking at you," Adam said, reverent, quiet like he couldn't believe this was real. "I think I'm a little crazy for suggesting this. I don't want to wait."

Tommy laughed, low and breathless. "Give it to me."

Adam pulled his fingers out, and then very gently started pushing the dildo inside Tommy. It made his whole body shake, his legs barely holding him up. 

"Fuck..." He bit his lip, tried to relax, tried not to think about it too much. 

"Still good?" Adam's free hand grabbed his waist, bruising hard. 

He made an agreeing noise, hands sliding against the slippery wall. He couldn't help tensing a little, but then Adam brushed his side, gentle, absentminded, and he let out a keen sound, shattering a little. 

Adam started moving the dildo inside him, and the different sized balls felt weird and arousing and he didn't know how to handle the sensations. 

"God, the noises you make," Adam said, panting against his neck. 

He hadn't even realized how loud he was, just feeling now, completely out of it. 

Adam kissed his cheek, his fingers on Tommy's chin, turning his head. 

Kissing felt like a good idea, and he followed Adam's lead, let him tilt his head back, let him put those fingers around his throat, and when Adam kissed him the orgasm surprised him, punched him in the gut, pulled everything out of him, and he sagged against Adam, against the arm that was holding him up.

"God... Oh my god..." Adam pulled the dildo slowly out of him, very gentle and careful, and then Adam wrapped a hand around his own cock and started jerking off, blowing his load all over Tommy's ass. 

He couldn't even speak, couldn't think, he just breathed in Adam's arms, boneless and breathless and completely satisfied. He'd never felt so at peace. 

"I love you," Adam whispered. "God, I love you. It hurts to love this much."

He agreed, but couldn't say anything. All he could do was hold onto Adam's arm. 

"Come here." Adam sat down, pulled him in his arms, and then used his toes to put the plug to the drain. 

Tommy lay in Adam's arms, his face buried in Adam's chest, his eyes closed. Nothing hurt. Everything was good. 

The water level slowly rose, and Adam poured a lot of shower gel into the bath water. He felt warm and safe and cocooned between Adam's thighs. 

"I want to do this everyday," Adam said, kissing his hair. "All this, all the time."

He nodded. Yeah, he could so live with Adam. Best idea ever. 

"You might not like all my habits. I'm a neat freak, perfectionist. You haven't seen all my awful sides."

If Adam could tolerate his constant playing, and his horror enthusiasm he didn't really care. He tried to say that, but all that came out were a few muttered vowels. 

"Did I hurt your brain?" Adam asked, a clear smile in his voice. 

Tommy grinned. He didn't know if Adam saw it. 

"You're so adorable."

He wanted to poke at Adam's side, but his arms weren't co-operating. Useless dead weight. 

"I love you. Really stupidly love you." 

"Love. You. Back." It took effort to pronounce words, but he finally managed. 

Adam stroked his hair. "It was good, wasn't it?"

He nodded. 

"Wanna do it for real?"

He hummed, content. "Anything."

"You're not doing anything right now, baby." Adam grabbed his hand, and pulled it to his lips, kissing Tommy's knuckles.


	20. Chapter 20

When the bathwater started to get cold Adam let some of it out, and then switched the shower on again. He did all that with his feet, Tommy still in his lap, and it made Tommy laugh. 

"You do that a lot?" he asked, looking at Adam. 

"My hands are often full, and one day I just decided that my feet are not just for walking." Adam stroked his arm, a warm smile on his face. "I have mad skills." 

Tommy snorted. "I bet you do."

They lay in the bath for a long time, so long that Tommy's head started to spin and the heat made him exhausted. Adam helped him up, washed all the lingering soap off his skin with slightly colder water, and then wrapped a huge towel around his body. Tommy hid in it, barely standing on his feet, and when Adam was ready to go he took Tommy's hand and pulled him to his room. 

Adam pulled the cover off the bed, not letting go of Tommy, and then pushed the blanket out of the way too. "Is it lame if I want to cuddle?" Adam asked, cautious. 

Any wall that could've been forming between them would've crumbled right then and there. Tommy just stared at Adam, knowing there was nothing protecting him right now. He was so grateful Adam was showing him the same unprotected face. "The opposite," he said, letting Adam push him down on the bed, letting him pull their towels out of the way, and then there was nothing but warm skin against his own, and it felt so good.

Tommy lay on his back, Adam partly on top of him, but not crushing him. It was wonderful to slide his hands down Adam's back and sides. He had the right to touch him. "Am I ever gonna get used to this?"

"Having someone?" Adam was staring at him, fingers in his hair. 

"Yeah... That you like me back."

Adam bit his lips, clearly trying to hold back the emotions. 

"It's like I have to rethink everything I've thought so far about myself, that if someone like you wants to be with me then I can't be a total fuck up, but at the same time... I'm sure you'll figure out at some point I'm not what you want." He didn't know where the courage to say all this came from. He wanted Adam to know everything because he didn't want secrets that could slowly eat away all the good things they had. He didn't want to be the reason that would end this. He wanted it to last. 

Adam kissed his chin, and then stayed there, so close. "You know... I'm sure it's not gonna be perfect. I don't want perfect. I want what you offer, and I want to offer you everything. I'm here to stay... If you want me." He bit Tommy's chin next, then smiled a brilliant happy smile. "I mean it. I really truly mean it, and it's so weird. I see the future, and you're in it. Everywhere I turn, you're in it. I'mma share it with you."

The funny thing was he believed Adam. "Kiss me."

Adam took hold of his jaw, tilted his head, and touched his mouth with his own, light like Tommy was something precious that might break under his touch. 

And that's how it continued, that's how Adam made him feel when he kissed Tommy's neck, the hollow of his throat, his collarbones, and then pulled Tommy's hand close to his mouth, kissing the knuckles, too, watching him. 

"You're seriously mushy," Tommy said, his voice weak. 

"You love it." Adam's lips brushed his fingers when he spoke. 

He did. "Gonna make sweet love to me then?" he asked, teasing, and meaning every word. 

The smile that spread on Adam's face nearly killed him. "That's right. Slow." Adam emphasized the words by moving, thrusting against Tommy, gentle and slow, and Tommy arched his neck back because holy shit, he was hard. 

"Like that," Adam said, still moving, taking Tommy's hands in his, and kissing the side of Tommy's mouth. 

"Yeah..." He breathed the word into Adam's mouth, and then they were kissing again, slow still, exploring each other.

When Adam pulled back they were both breathing heavy shallow breaths, staring, their mouths open. "Tell me if it's too much," Adam said, and went down on Tommy, spreading his legs wide with his hands on Tommy's knees. 

Adam licked the length of his cock, but then sank lower, kissing and licking his balls before lifting Tommy's hips off the mattress, and licking his hole. Tommy was glad nobody was home because he honest to fucking god screamed, fisting the sheets, twisting them when Adam pushed his tongue inside him, starting to fuck him with it, then licking all over, kissing, so eager it could be nothing but pure want. 

Adam pushed a finger inside him along with his tongue, and Tommy couldn't stay still, couldn't stop from trying to move with Adam. It felt too damn good. 

It took him awhile to realize he was saying words, begging, asking for more, and when he did, he opened his eyes, watched Adam work him open, wet, ready, and he nearly came from just that. "Oh fuck... stop." He grabbed Adam's hair, squirming because right at that moment Adam crooked his finger, spread him wider, and hit that spot inside him. He saw fucking stars. "Whoaa... wait!"

Adam pulled back, a debauched look on his face, and he found the lube he'd taken with him from the bathroom and smeared it all over his dick and then pushed two fingers inside Tommy, stretching him a little more. 

He couldn't do anything but take it because otherwise it would've been too much, and he would've come, but then Adam moved, guided himself to the right place, and took Tommy's hands, freed them from the sheets and pushed them beside his head. 

They were looking at each other when Adam pushed in, just a bit, just enough to make Tommy lose his breath, and then they moved together, Tommy pushing with his legs, Adam holding him closer to get more leverage. 

Adam was heavy and strong and ruled his fucking universe when he opened Tommy up, slowly penetrating him until there was nowhere to go, until he was fully sheathed. Then he stayed still, watching Tommy like he wanted to make sure everything was alright. 

Tommy didn't know what to do, how to take it. It was too much and not enough and everything in between. He couldn't even breathe around the full feeling. 

"I might die," Adam said, a soft laugh escaping his lips. 

He nodded because nothing had prepared him for this.

"Can I move? Please?"

He didn't know if he could make words happen, but he nodded again, biting his lip hard.

When Adam pulled out a little and moved back in a part of his brain shut down, and he didn't care one bit how loud he got because it felt weird-good, and he couldn't hold back. 

Adam laughed next to his ear, sweaty forehead pressing against the side of Tommy's head. "Good?"

He wanted to hold onto Adam so he pushed at Adam's hands, begging for him to let go, and he did, his fingers curling in Tommy's hair instead. Tommy dug his nails into Adam's back, holding on tight, needing it because he was losing himself, losing everything. 

"You feel so god damn amazing," Adam whispered, thrusting into him again, and it shattered Tommy, broke every idea he'd ever had of himself, made him wide open to the connection between them, and all he could do was hold onto Adam and hope it wouldn't be too much. 

Then Adam pushed back his hair, wiped sweat off his forehead, and looked at him when he rocked his hips, short sharp thrusts driving Tommy closer to the edge. "I've got you," Adam said, kissing his lips, soft and sweet. "Love you. Everything about you."

That made him arch up, push with his feet, with his body, so much that Adam had to hold him down, and it made everything in him gather into one clear spot of energy and then he was coming, completely lost in it, Adam's fingers stroking his forehead and cheeks. 

One more hard movement of Adam's hips and he tensed too, coming inside Tommy, a pain-pleasure expression on his face, his eyes squeezed closed. 

"Oh my god..." Adam said against his neck, heavy on top of him, still inside him but getting soft. "Oh my god..."

He would either laugh or cry because he had to let the feeling out or he would suffocate. He chose to laugh, his arms around Adam's neck. 

"We made a mess," Adam said, taking most of his weight off Tommy, looking at him. He'd slipped out when he moved, and everything felt weird. Tommy's thigh muscles were killing him, and he didn't even know if he could walk. He didn't want to try. "Are you okay?" Adam asked, then kissed his nose. 

He didn't want to talk. It was just too weird. 

"Would you mind if I looked at you?" Adam's eyes were almost black, but full of love and trust. "Say no if the idea makes you uncomfortable."

Tommy shrugged. He still didn't have any idea how to use his voice. 

"Can I turn you on your stomach?" Adam pecked his lips. 

God, this was going to kill him. "Yeah, okay," he finally managed to say. 

Adam was very gentle and careful when he turned Tommy around, then he kissed and licked his spine, hands sliding over his sides. 

Tommy buried his face in a pillow, putting his arms under it. He tried to breathe. 

Adam's hands spread his ass cheeks and he knew he was blushing. 

"I think I'm a little crazy," Adam said, his breath close to Tommy's skin. "I want to lick you again. Seriously. You're so tiny and pretty."

Tommy hit his head against the pillow, biting his lip. "I'm getting uncomfortable, you know." He giggled too because what the fuck? 

Adam kissed his hole anyway, and then slid on top of Tommy. "Sorry," he whispered against Tommy's neck, and he could hear Adam wasn't sorry at all, just turned on. That made him feel weirdly adored, like he was the most magical being Adam had ever met. Sex magic. Tommy laughed because all other options were just wrong. 

"What?" Adam asked, nibbling at his earlobe. 

"You want to do it again?"

The only answer he got was the shift of Adam's hips and his cock head against Tommy's hole, hard and ready.

"Fuck... You're crazy."

"I am, and I wanna. Can you?"

He thought about it for a moment. It had been weird but good, and he didn't hurt too much. He answered with spreading his legs a little and sticking his ass up. 

"Oh, Tommy Joe, I love you." All Adam had to do was push forward and he was sliding in again, easy.

This time he knew what to expect, but it was still weird, still made him feel like he'd split in two if they weren't careful. But Adam kept talking to him the whole time, telling him how good it felt, how much he wanted Tommy, how full of his come Tommy would be once they were finished. Adam held onto his hands, fucked him long and slow until he couldn't take it anymore. It was good and messy and fucking perfect, and when Adam was close to coming he pulled Tommy up enough to jerk him off, make him come at the same time. 

Adam collapsed on top of him when it was over, and he was so exhausted he didn't want to move for a week. He'd sleep that whole damn week, god damn it. 

"Take me to the shower," Tommy said after a while. "Or bath. I don't care. I'm sore."

Adam kissed the side of his head. "I'm-"

"Don't apologize," he said, turning his face so he could look at Adam. "I'm fine, just thoroughly fucked."

Adam giggled. "By me."

"Yeah... Get off me, and run me a bath." He bit his lip because he would've laughed otherwise. 

"Really? What if I just keep you here?" Adam grabbed his hands under the pillow, and held him closer. He moved his hips too, still inside Tommy. 

He whined, unable to stop the sound.

"God... Don't. The sounds you make..." Adam kissed his cheek. 

He couldn't do it again, too exhausted, too burned out emotionally. He lay still, waiting for Adam to come around. 

Adam bit the back of his neck, then pulled out, half-hard. "This..." Adam licked his neck, his ear. "I could do this all the time."

"I need a break," Tommy said, doubting himself a little. 

"Don't sound so uncertain if you don't want me to push back in."

"Fuck..." He buried his face into the pillow again. 

Adam sneaked a hand between them, sliding a few fingers over Tommy's hole. "I wanna spread you open, watch you leak my come."

"Wanna see me walk to the bathroom?"

"Please," Adam whispered in his ear, pushing a finger inside him. 

His hips jerked, and the finger sank deeper into him. He groaned, pain-pleasure making his mind white. 

Adam sat up, one hand stroking Tommy's spine, the other still finger-deep in him. "Get up. Can you?" Adam pulled the finger out, grabbing his shoulder to help him get up. 

He got his feet under him, his back to Adam, legs spread just a little. 

"Oh my god..." Adam touched his ass, his thighs, warm, gentle. 

"Come on." He was still embarrassed, but since Adam was clearly liking this it wasn't bad, just new. He held out his hand, and Adam took it, Adam's other hand still brushing his wet thighs. 

Adam wanted to wash him clean, gently scrubbing his skin all over, and Tommy just hummed, happy, kneeling in the tub. When they were both clean enough Adam filled the tub while they sat in it. 

Two baths in a day were a luxury Tommy wasn't used to. He wasn't complaining though. All his sore muscles and aching spots were cocooned in warmth, and Adam's arms were around him, holding him, stroking him. He rested his head against Adam's shoulder, not thinking of anything. 

"I can't wait for two years to move in with you," Adam said after a while. 

Tommy just played with Adam's chest hair and freckles because he had zero brain activity. Mellow was the word of the day. 

"Would your parents let you move here?"

He looked up, but said nothing. 

"I know it's stupid, but I just don't want to wait. I know people who've moved in with their friend's parents because their home life hasn't been that good. But... I don't know. Your mom wouldn't let you. And she'd think I'm crazy."

Tommy put his hand over Adam's mouth. 

Adam laughed, his eyes sparkling. He took hold of Tommy's wrist. "Really? No talking, huh?"

He nodded, grinning, letting Adam kiss his hand, then place it over Adam's heart. 

"Okay. Have it your way." 

Tommy snuggled closer, and when Adam kissed the top of his head he felt happy beyond anything he'd ever felt before. This was good, so perfectly them.


	21. Chapter 21

They didn't expect their parents to find out about what they'd been doing. The dirty sheets put Leila on their tracks, and then without snooping (her words!) she found the lube too. 

And that is why on Friday, just a day after he'd lost his virginity, Dia stopped Tommy from leaving for Adam's place, and sat him at the kitchen table. 

Fortunately Dad was out with Lisa, otherwise he would've died.

Tommy stared at his mom, uncomfortable and a little afraid. 

"You seem to know what this is about?" 

"Adam called."

Dia sat down too, her eyes sharp. "Did you use protection?"

"Mom!"

"Don't _Mom_ me. Talk."

He squirmed in his seat, wanting the earth to swallow him. "No..."

She wiped the side of her mouth with the back of her hand. "Do you even know what you're doing?"

He'd never in his life been this uncomfortable. "I know he can't get me pregnant." 

Dia looked appalled. "This is not funny. You're young, too young if you don't even know what diseases you can get."

"He hasn't been with anyone else... And neither have I. And I don't want to talk about this." He bit his lip, looking at everything else but her. 

She sighed, sounding a little relieved. "Well... Good."

"Can I go now?" 

"Not yet." She poured tea for both of them, then looked at him over her mug. "Did you like it?"

For fuck's sake, he wasn't going to talk about his sex life with his mother. 

"I just want to know that you're doing these things because you want them, not because... I don't even know... because you feel pressured, because everyone else is having sex." 

Tommy looked at her, tilting his head. "Do you really think someone could pressure me into anything?"

Dia smiled, even though she was still very serious. "Alright, point taken."

"I like him," he finally said. "He likes me back. It's that simple, and we're serious about each other."

"Leila is actually more upset than I am. I don't think she's ready for her baby to grow up." She touched his arm. "I think you've carried the responsibilities of an adult far too long."

Tommy tapped the table with his fingers, trying to think through the rush of blood in his ears. 

"Just... Please know that you're worth all the good things. You deserve the best, and if Adam is that then hold onto him, but if he isn't... You're young. You'll get to see many things. You'll meet wonderful people. Life has beautiful things to offer."

"Okay. Can I go now?"

"Tommy..."

He sat back in his chair, pulling his hand out of her reach. 

"Leila said she wants to spend the weekend with family only. You can't go there right now." She sounded apologetic, and that made it even worse. 

"Whatever."

"It'll be alright. You'll see him soon." She sipped her tea, watching him carefully. 

"I know you want to know things. I know you want to ask about this." He got up, shaking with rage all of a sudden. "I don't want to talk to you. This is between us, and I don't want to share any of it with you." 

Dia looked surprised, then hurt, and Tommy didn't know what to do with that. 

"Just... Can I go?"

She nodded, looking away. 

What a total disaster. 

He went up the stairs, almost running because he couldn't get out of there fast enough. He went to lie on his bed, but then got up again, taking his guitar in his hands, hoping that it would calm him. Nothing did. 

He wasn't even sure if he could call Adam. 

This felt like a punishment, and it hurt. It was unfair because he wanted to be close to Adam, needed to be close to him. Everything was too new, and now he couldn't do anything to ease the discomfort. He needed Adam to assure him that everything was alright, that they were good, that nothing would come between them. He feared Leila would try. 

And they had all liked him. Now? He didn't know. 

Tommy paced the room, completely lost. 

Right then, Lisa barged in, holding two ice-creams in her hand. "Want one?" she asked, unaware of how awful he was feeling. 

He wanted to scream at her, but he stopped himself just in time because she'd had wonderful time with Dad on their father-daughter date, and she just wanted to share some of that, smiling so brightly it was almost blinding. 

"Sure," he said, trying to smile, but everything was too twisted inside him, and he just couldn't hide it. 

She handed him one of the ice-creams, looking at him with curious eyes, but she didn't say anything, just walked away, her ponytail flipping from side to side. 

Tommy sat on his bed, and unwrapped the ice-cream, trying not to think about anything. It kind of felt like the end of the world. His mom knew about them, and Adam's mom probably hated him. He wanted to crawl under a rock. 

He didn't even want to think about his dad. 

There was a knock on the door. He just stared ahead, steeling himself against anything that might happen now. 

"Can I come in?" It was Dad. 

"Yeah..."

He felt so fucking small in front of his dad, like he could never live up to those ideas his dad had of him. 

"Your mom sent me." Dad wasn't smiling. "She wants me to tell you that we love you." 

Tommy nodded, still not looking at anything but the wall. 

"You're not doing drugs, are you?"

This time he looked up, surprised, then shook his head. 

"You haven't been tying people to lampposts either?"

"No." 

"You don't steal stuff? Get drunk every night?"

Now he was totally confused. 

"I'm not saying I like the idea, it takes time to get used to it, and I really don't want you to face bigotry and idiocy... But... If that's the only thing you'll worry me with from now on then so be it. You're a good person, and I'm proud of you. And he's done wonders with your creative ways of causing harm to people who you find nasty."

He couldn't think past _I'm proud of you._ He was completely shutting down around those words. 

"So... Do you want to go bowling tomorrow?" 

Tommy bit his lip, holding his breath, then said, "Yeah. Yes." 

"Good." He turned to leave, then looked back. "And apologize to your mother. She looks like someone killed her pet."

When he was alone again he breathed out, then laughed, letting go of the horrible tension. At least he had something to do this weekend. 

The hours went by slowly, and he'd never wanted Monday to come faster. He didn't even sleep much, and when he did the nightmares were back worse than ever. 

Adam didn't call, and neither did he. He was dying to hear his voice, but he just didn't dare, couldn't because he didn't know how Leila would react. 

He was a good son and apologized to his mom by cooking dinner on Saturday, and then had fun with his dad when they went bowling. It was all peachy, except he was feeling miserable. 

He guessed it had something to do with the fact that it had been their first time and usually people maybe talked to each other after it. They hadn't had much chance to talk at school on Friday, and Adam's warning call had been a short one: "Mom knows. Shit!" 

So on Sunday night, Tommy lay in his bed, ready to burst into fucking tears because he felt so awful. He wasn't sad, just so tense he couldn't even fall asleep. 

His phone beeped, and he jumped out of the bed, and ran to his desk. _Open your window!_ His heart was hammering in his chest when he did that and looked out. 

"Tommy," Adam said, quiet but urgent. 

"You're here." 

Adam looked around, found a garden chair, and dragged it close enough to the wall so he could reach the ladder that led to Tommy's room. 

"Be careful."

Then Adam was right there, and they were kissing, and Adam pushed him forward so he could get in. They ended up on the floor, Tommy on his back and Adam on top of him, and it was pure incredible love. 

When they'd kissed enough for the moment Adam pulled back and said, "I'm so sorry. Mom's been impossible."

Tommy twisted his hip, pushed at Adam, and got him on his back and under him. "You're here now." He licked Adam's lips, pressed his cheek against Adam's and just nuzzled closer. 

"Oh my god, you're like a cat."

He was straddling Adam's hips, his hands in Adam's hair. "I just missed you."

"I missed you too. So fucking much." Adam laughed a little, like he was surprised by the intensity of that feeling. 

Tommy breathed in deep, wanting to get Adam all over himself, inside his lungs, as close as possible. "What happened?"

"Long story. I messed up." 

He pushed himself up enough to look at Adam. "Tell me."

"She confronted me about... Well everything... And she wasn't really upset, but the snooping around made me angry, and I told her I wanted to move in with you, that I wanted to leave, and that I love you... And it became this huge mess of me being a teenager who gets bullied over these things... And I should've just shut up about everything because now she doesn't want to let me out of her sight." Adam took a breath, but before he could continue, Tommy shut him up with a kiss. 

"You have a big mouth," he said to Adam once he stopped kissing him. "But I'm relieved. I thought she was more upset about... us having sex."

"Well, that too. She knew about me, but it's different when you just know about something, and when you get evidence that yes, that something is really happening. She thinks I'm irresponsible."

Tommy sighed, resting his chin against his hands on Adam's chest. "How?"

"I don't even know. Because I'm young and I don't yet know how to love someone. That we shouldn't rush into things."

"Is she... worried about me?" That idea was totally weird to him. 

"That. And also, she just thinks I'm a massive hormone lump, and shouldn't run free in the world. I'm grounded. For no reason whatsoever." 

He honest to god tried not to laugh. He bit his lip, holding it back as long as he could, but then he just had to bury his face in Adam's chest and let it out. 

"Oh, shut up." Adam grabbed a handful of his hair, and pulled his head up. "It's not funny. We can't even play."

"What? Can I see you?" The laughter was gone, as though cut off with a knife. 

"I don't know. Mom hasn't actually laid down the terms yet, but she said no playing."

"What else did you tell her to get her so riled up?"

Adam looked away, then fixed his eyes on Tommy again. "That I want to go to Europe, and she should stop treating me like a kid." He paused. "And I might have said something about you being the reason I'm still here. I don't even remember all the things I yelled at her. She made me so frustrated. And I even brought up the fact that we haven't been swimming because of her, that you're still crippled by that fear. Sorry." 

"Um... Adam."

"I know, okay. I screwed up. I did this. I should've just kept my mouth shut, but her being in my room, looking through my drawers... I know she doesn't mean anything bad, but it was so infuriating. I don't want them to know anything about us. You're mine."

He couldn't help but smile. He knew that feeling. 

Adam's hand in his hair tightened. "So I'm a little crazy when it comes to you. I wasn't concerned about myself. I was just really upset that she had any idea about you, about what we did together. I don't want anyone touching that."

"Protective much?" He tried not to feel so god damn pleased that he wanted to crawl under Adam's skin. 

"Yeah. Very." Adam's eyes were black again. 

Tommy breathed in and out a few times, watching Adam. "What are we going to do if your mom won't let us see each other?"

"I'll write you letters and e-mails and send you texts and call you everyday." Adam smiled. "If I can't see you I'll miss you, and it'll be even more awesome to see you. I'll blow you at school or something."

"Or something," he repeated, loving the fact that Adam took it this way. 

"I can try sneaking out, too, but mom is a hawk, and I'm out now only because she has a migraine."

"I love you," Tommy said quietly, unable to hold it in. "So much."

Adam took hold of his face, thumbs touching his cheeks. "Yeah?"

"Thanks for loving me back." 

Adam pulled him down for a kiss, then said close to his lips, "I can't even imagine my life without you anymore."

Yeah, he was so fucking grateful this was his life.


	22. Chapter 22

Three days went by before he saw Adam again. The only connection Tommy had to him was e-mail because Adam refused to chat or speak on the phone, and all he got from the e-mails was that Adam was furious, nothing more. Adam didn't even come to school, and then finally on the night of the third day, Leila called him. 

"Hello, Tommy." She sounded tired. 

"Um... Hi."

"Could you come over?"

He was quiet for a moment, too shocked to speak. "Yeah, sure."

"If you need supper I can fix you something... Just, please come quickly."

Tommy wanted to ask if something was wrong, but he knew it already. Leila wouldn't have called otherwise. "Okay." 

He told his mom that he'd go to the Lamberts, and then he was running down the street faster than ever before. Adam had sent him a short message that day, but it had been about the covers he wanted to play at the school festival. He hadn't said a word why he wasn't at school or what was wrong. 

Tommy ran to the door, knocking right away, and Leila opened it. She looked like she hadn't been sleeping at all. 

"What can I do?" he asked, staring at her with wide eyes. 

"He hasn't come out of his room, except to use the bathroom, and he hasn't eaten anything. We're at our wits' end with him. I don't know what to do. He's never been like this. We've never had... We've always been close. He's been so good."

Tommy looked at the stairs that led to Adam's room, to where he had barricaded himself. "Has he said anything?"

"He said, 'Go away.' when I tried to talk to him." Leila paused, looking at Tommy. "I didn't ground him for having sex. I grounded him because he was screaming at me. I didn't mean for this to happen. He's saying things I don't even understand. He keeps saying he wants to move out, that I'm suffocating him... And I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Just... Please, talk to him."

Tommy took a step closer to the stairs, then turned one more time to give a reassuring smile to Leila. "It's going to be alright." 

He walked slowly towards Adam's room, not thinking at all, just feeling, just getting ready for anything he might have to face. He didn't know why Adam was acting this way, but he had some ideas. He knocked on Adam's door, then said, "It's me."

At first he didn't hear anything, but then something heavy got pushed out of the way, and Adam opened the door just a little bit. When he saw Tommy was alone he pulled Tommy in and then pushed the wardrobe in front of the door again. 

Adam didn't say anything. He looked awful, like he hadn't slept for days. There were water bottles everywhere, and his room was a mess, a clear sign Adam wasn't feeling well. 

Tommy pulled him into a hug, ignoring the fact that he smelled bad. He hadn't even showered. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Come on. Tell me." Adam hadn't hugged him back, and he was just standing there, apathetic. 

"I'm sick of this."

"What? You said you'd blow me at school, that you'd write, that when we'd see each other again it would be exciting. What changed?"

"I don't want to go to school. Everyone will hate me."

Tommy tried to put two and two together, but he hadn't yet found the separate parts. "You were planning the covers you wanted to play there."

"They'll know, just like mom did, and they'll hate me for it. They always do. I can't do this. They'll know, too."

"Nobody knows anything. And what if they did? I don't care. I want to be with you."

"I don't want to be out. I don't want to have to be out. I don't want it to be an issue. I don't want any of this. I want out. I want it to stop. Please, make it stop."

He wrapped his arms around Adam's neck, holding him harder. "I'm sorry."

"I love you, and it's never going to be easy. I just love you. I love you. And it's an issue even to my mom. Even she doesn't trust me."

Tommy tried to hold back, tried not to let it get to him, but he couldn't stop it. He bit his lip, feeling Adam's arms around his waist, feeling his wet cheek against his neck. 

"I'm trying so hard to just get through the day. Whenever I'm not with you... I don't know. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be like this. But they've been so awful, and Mom... And I just don't want to take it at home, too. I can't. I wanted her to be on my side. And she's not, and I have to justify myself to her too, and I don't want to. I don't want to."

"She didn't ground you for having sex."

"I know that." Adam didn't sound so sure even though he tried to. 

"She's not your enemy. She loves you."

Adam hiccuped. "I know that too."

"You don't sound like it," he said softly. "You sound like you've created an idea in your head. That idea is not your life. She called me here the moment she admitted she didn't know what to do with you. I'm a part of your life, a part of your family."

Adam laughed, still sobbing, too. "How come you know exactly what to say?"

He kissed Adam's neck and ear. "I don't."

"You take a piece of me that's rattled free, and you put it to its rightful place with a few words. Yeah, you do." Adam pulled back and looked at him for a long while. "No wonder I love you."

"You need a shower," he whispered. 

Adam giggled. "That's not the right thing to say." 

"Told you." He touched Adam's lips with his fingertips. "You need to apologize to her. She's worried sick. She didn't mean for this to happen. She didn't want to hurt you."

Adam put his chin on top of Tommy's head. "I'm still mad at her."

"Choose the right reasons, then. She wasn't acting this way because you're gay but because you're her baby and she doesn't want you to grow up just yet. Please."

"I guess. Yeah. Maybe."

"Be mad at her for snooping around. Take the grounding like a man. But don't think she hates you for being gay."

Adam relaxed in his arms, so much actually that it was hard for Tommy to keep them upright. He pushed at Adam until his calves hit the bed and Adam sat down, and then Tommy climbed into his lap. 

He kissed Adam because he could. He'd missed Adam, more than he cared to admit. Adam had been like a missing limb, a part of him he couldn't live without. 

Adam kissed him back, trying to push Tommy down on the mattress, but he wouldn't let him. Instead, Tommy pushed Adam on his back, licking into his mouth, greedy. He wanted closer, and he pulled at Adam's shirt, grabbed the hem of it, and pushed it over his head, but left it around Adam's arms, twisting it a little. Adam's eyes flashed, but he let Tommy have it, let him trap him. 

Then Tommy pulled his nails over Adam's chest and stomach, teasing him, scratching him a little too hard. 

"Oh my god... You."

He smiled at Adam, licking his lips. "Yeah."

Adam was hard under him, and he put his hand behind himself, stroking Adam's balls through his pants, and Adam spread his legs to give him more access. Adam moved under him, almost making him lose his balance, but he put a hand on Adam's stomach, and continued to stroke him. "You like it?" he asked, moving his hips with Adam, rubbing himself against him. 

Adam nodded, biting his lower lip, his chest rising, his body moving without meaning to. 

"I love you like this."

Adam laughed. "At your mercy?"

"Wanting me."

Adam moaned, tilting his head back, revealing his throat, and Tommy leaned down to kiss-lick-bite it. He didn't stop moving his hips, didn't stop the slow burning of their cocks rubbing against each other, and he wanted to come like this, and then take Adam to the shower. 

It seemed Adam was on board with the plan, and they moved together, kissing, licking each other, Tommy's hands everywhere, whisper-light touches driving Adam over the edge. 

He loved watching it, loved how completely open Adam was with him, not hiding anything, just letting go. 

He licked a trail from Adam's chest to his lips afterwards, loving the way Adam still moved, still couldn't hold still, and he bit Adam's lip, pulled at it a little before letting go. "I love you," he whispered close to Adam's lips, watching him. 

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," Adam said, soft and quiet, like he was afraid of those words. "The best."

"Good. I want that. I want to continue to be that. I want us to be that together. We'll have each other's backs."

Adam smiled. "Yeah."

"I'll protect you from the world."

"Damsel in distress, huh?"

"I won't carry you down from the tower, though. You have to walk on your own." He kissed Adam again, freeing him of the shirt. 

Adam looked serious all of a sudden. "Is she going to be alright?"

"Your mom?"

Adam nodded.

"Be nice to her for a few days, and she'll be good as new."

Adam giggled. "You're impossible." 

Yes, he was, but nowhere near as impossible as Adam was.


	23. Chapter 23

__

You had the blue note sapphire eyes, to back up all those gazes  
To pierce my guard and to take my soul off to faraway places  
Told me I'll never be alone, cos you're right there

We took a gamble with this love, like sailing to the storm  
With the waves rushing over to take us, we were battling against the tide  
You were my beacon of salvation, I was your starlight

So don't cry for your love, cry tears of joy  
Cos you're alive cradled in love  
Don't cry for your love, cry tears of joy  
Cos you're alive cradled in love

I kept the love you gave me alive, and now I carry it with me  
I know it's just a tear drop from mother earth, but in it I can hear a dolphin sing  
Telling me I'll never be alone, I know you're right there

So with the fire still burning bright, I wanna gaze into your light  
If I could see my fortune there, you know how flames can hypnotize  
Do I even dare to speak out your name for fear it sounds like, like a lover

So don't cry for your love, cry tears of joy  
Cos you're alive cradled in love  
Don't cry for your love, cry tears of joy  
Cos you're alive

Cradled in love

**Cradled in Love** by Poets of the Fall

Tommy walked down the stairs slowly, buying time because he didn't know what to say to Leila. He'd done his part, and now he felt like an intruder. 

He followed the sound of TV to the living room, and found Leila and Eber sitting side by side on the couch. Leila muted the TV the moment she saw Tommy.

"How is he?" she asked, sounding every bit like the mother she was. 

"He's in the shower. He'll come downstairs to talk after that... But please don't yell at him. He thought this was about him being gay."

Leila looked mortified. 

"Yeah... He's overreacting big time, but it's a bit better now." He didn't know what else to say so he took a step back, ready to leave. "Um... I'll go now."

Leila walked him to the door, and he appreciated it that she didn't try to say anything, just touched his shoulder before he left. 

At home, he ate quickly, brushed his teeth, wished good night to his mom and dad, and went to bed. He hoped Adam would call because he wanted to know if they could see each other. He had wanted to ask that from Leila, but he hadn't dared. It wasn't his place. 

When the phone rang he jumped, his heart in his throat. It was Adam. 

"How did it go?" Tommy asked immediately because he couldn't wait. 

Adam laughed a little so it couldn't have been totally terrible. "The first thing Mom did was hug me and tell me she loves me. Job well done, baby."

Tommy blushed. God damn it. 

"You saved a lot of grief from my family. I'm sorry. I know you've been worried, too. And you live the same life I do. You'll face the same obstacles."

He didn't understand at all what Adam was trying to say. "Um... What do you mean?"

Adam was quiet for a moment, then said, "It's not my battle alone. You're not freaking out about everything even though you've had a lot less time to get used to the idea that you like boys, too. I don't know... I just... It feels like I woke up. You woke me up."

Tommy turned on his side, curling into a ball under his blanket. "You have the right to be upset about things."

"I know. But I can't own these problems. They are universal. If that makes any sense at all... I don't know what happened, but I feel like I pulled my head out of my ass, or something." Adam laughed again. "And I know that the same problems will be there tomorrow, too. Everything's going to suck, mostly. Except... We're going to play at school. And you'll be there. And it doesn't matter because I'll get out."

He wanted to hug Adam. "Can we see each other?"

"Oh... Mom said that you're welcome here. We can do homework together, too. And she said that Isaac and Cam can come over a few times a week if we need to practice for the performance. And yeah, she said that she can't force us to wait, but her wish is that we would be good to each other and not rush into things. She kind of let me know that she doesn't want us to have sex while we're still minors. You have no idea how much I wanted to roll my eyes at her." 

"I'm..." Tommy didn't know what to say because waiting seemed like the stupidest idea ever. There was no reason for them to wait. They loved each other, and the sex was awesome. Parents were way too meddlesome sometimes. But he was happy Leila didn't want to separate them. 

"Yeah..." Adam sounded exhausted but somehow happy, too. "I need to go to sleep. So tired. Good night, baby. See you tomorrow."

"Good night." He wasn't good with pet names, but one day he'd use one and it probably wouldn't end the world. Maybe he could hold Adam's hand somewhere, too. 

At school things got weird. Someone Tommy hadn't even seen before called them fags, but that wasn't the weird part. Marie and her friends happened to walk by, and she stopped, turned around, and asked, "What did you say?"

The guy went completely red in seconds, avoiding Marie's gaze, but she just rolled her eyes, and said loud enough for anyone to hear, "What an idiotic thing to say." Then she grabbed her friend's arm, and walked away, leaving Adam, Tommy, and Isaac there, their mouths open. The guy disappeared as quickly as he could.

"Oh my god," Adam whispered. "Did you hear that?"

Tommy nodded, and Isaac grunted. They were equally shocked. Marie was one of the popular kids. 

"I can't believe it." Adam looked at Tommy. "You were the first who defended me. Did she just... Oh my god."

"Isaac's been defending you the whole time, stopping things behind your back," Tommy said without thinking, and Isaac kicked his shin. They were sitting on the edge of a flowerbed, waiting for the break to be over. 

"What?" Adam got even more confused. "Really?"

Tommy nodded. "There are probably lots of people here who don't agree with the bullying. We just don't often do anything about things unless they concern us. Easier to stay out of it. People are afraid to act."

Adam scratched his chin, pursing his lips. "I never even thought of that. I thought they were all out to get me. Probably most of them don't even know I exist."

Isaac leaned back a little, putting his hands into the soil. "When they hear you sing everyone will want to know who you are."

They all laughed, but they also hoped there was truth in those words. They wanted it to happen. They wanted to be successful. Dreams coming true, and all that crap. 

After school, when they got to Adam's house everything was so different from yesterday. Leila waved at them from the garden, smiling, and Adam had cleaned his room, too. 

Tommy felt welcome there, and it made him grin.

"What?" Adam asked, grabbing his neck and pulling him close. 

"We're lucky," he said, his lips almost brushing Adam's. "Really lucky."

Adam was teasing him, holding him far enough so they couldn't kiss. "Why are we lucky, Tommy?"

He grabbed Adam's shirt, held onto it hard. "Because they don't try to stop us from doing this, because we have it and we can keep it."

Adam licked his lips, then licked Tommy's too. "I love it."

This thing that was happening between them was worth all the heartache, and Tommy smiled against Adam's lips, licked him back, happy beyond words. 

"And I love you," Adam whispered, finally letting Tommy move enough to properly kiss him. It was promises, and future, and sweet love, and if Tommy hadn't been so totally into it he probably would've made fun of them, of this. But he was, and so was Adam, and it didn't matter that they were so smitten. It really didn't matter. 

"I wanna travel the world with you," he said between kisses. 

Adam bit his lips, still gentle. "I can't wait."

That night, he fell asleep in Adam's room, exhausted after nights of worrying over Adam, and if Leila came to tell him that he should go home she didn't push the matter enough to wake him up. 

In the morning, the door to the hall was open, and Adam was sleeping on his side next to him. Tommy had his briefs and T-shirt on, and Adam was wearing pajama pants but no shirt. 

He kissed Adam's shoulder, then brushed his hair off his face. "Morning, baby," he said to Adam, watching him as he started to wake up. 

Adam opened his eyes, blinking a few times, then smiled. "Oh yeah, you stayed."

"I did. Didn't mean to." He looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table, and it said six a.m. They had plenty of time. "It's a school morning."

"Mom called your mom," Adam said, stroking Tommy's side. "They agreed to let you stay because you don't sleep much, and you were sleeping like a baby here."

"Oh..."

Adam touched the side of his face, and pushed his hair behind his ear. "Neil saw me here with you. He was all 'Ewwwww...' but I could see his smile. Expect to get teased over this, though."

"And the door?"

"Mom said that you can stay if the door stays open. She's one crazy control freak, but yeah... She let you stay." Adam leaned closer, kissing his cheek, whispering, "I undressed you while you were sleeping. You've never been so beautiful."

"Drooling all over..." he said, blushing. 

"Compliant, baby. So tired. So relaxed. So trusting."

His heart skipped a beat. God, Adam knew what to say to him. 

Adam's fingers found his hair, twisted in it, almost harsh, yet still somehow gentle. "Everything about you turns me on," Adam whispered. "It's just so good."

He wanted to remind Adam of the opened door, but he didn't want this to stop. He loved Adam like this. 

"I want to wake you up with my fingers. Every morning. I want to roll you on your stomach, and lick you until you're open and ready. I want to fuck you when you're still relaxed from sleep, barely awake." Adam kissed his ear, his breath hot. "I want your skin, your taste, your warmth. Every day."

He tried to breathe, but Adam was stealing that ability from him, making his body move, rocking, and Adam put a hand to the small of his back, and pulled him closer, their groins touching. He wanted to come, his mouth ready to beg, and Adam kissed him, licked his mouth, hands all over him. 

When Adam started to push him on his back Tommy stopped him, pointing at the open door. Adam was up before Tommy could say anything, and then he was pulling Tommy up too and pushing him out the door and into the bathroom. 

Adam was on his knees in seconds, licking at Tommy through his briefs, and Tommy had to bite his hand to keep the sounds in. Then Adam pushed his briefs down, and his mouth was on Tommy's cock, and everything became colors, and light, and sounds, and he just tried to breathe. 

It was quick, and blinding, and he came with a shocking force, his mind clear like never before. He saw what was happening, who they were, and what this meant to him, and he knelt, kissing Adam with all the feelings he had inside him. He pushed Adam on his back, licked his chest and stomach, touching him, his fingers exploring, and when he had his mouth around Adam's cock Adam grabbed his hair and moved his hips, fucking into his mouth, and he wanted that, wanted to feel Adam all the way down in his throat, hurting. 

When Adam came he nearly choked on his come, and when Adam released him he was coughing and laughing at the same time, tears in his eyes. Adam touched his come-covered chin, a mesmerized look in his eyes, like he couldn't believe Tommy just did that. 

Tommy spread Adam's come down his throat, then licked his fingers clean, staring at Adam the whole time. 

Adam sat up, took hold of Tommy's hand, and licked his throat, and chin, and then his mouth, too, tasting himself. Tommy was shaking now, completely at Adam's mercy, needing him. 

"God, you make me crazy. It never stops." Adam bit his neck, sucking a mark there, and Tommy moaned, tilting his head to the side. Adam pulled him closer, made him sit between Adam's thighs, his own legs straddling Adam's hips. "I want to draw your tattoos. I want to mark you. That's how crazy I am."

Tommy smiled against Adam's neck. He'd let Adam draw one of them. He was good at compromising. "You can mark me," he said out loud. "Bite me, scratch me... I don't care. It feels good."

Adam stayed silent for a while, stroking Tommy's arms, holding him. "Don't say that. I don't want to hurt you." Adam didn't sound like he thought Tommy was crazy, just that he wanted it but didn't dare to ask or hope for it.

"You like it. I like it," he whispered, then bit Adam's earlobe. "You controlling me makes me relax. Just don't... don't use it against me."

Adam's arms around him tightened. "You... Oh my god, Tommy... You're fucking perfect."

His breaths were shallow because he was leaving himself wide open, and Adam could easily judge him right now. "Thank you."

Adam held him like he was the most precious person in the world, and he kind of felt like that too. Adam made him feel like that. "We need to go," Adam said after a while. "Let's brush our teeth." 

They helped each other up, pulled their clothes back on, and then stood in front of the mirror side by side, brushing their teeth. Tommy looked at Adam the whole time, curious and grateful, and kind of speechless, too. Adam was a very special person who understood him better than anyone else. It was so strange and wonderful at the same time, and it made him want to go to the roof and scream at the world that he loved this person. 

Adam looked at him for a moment after they'd brushed their teeth, and then sat him down on the toilet bowl. He also opened the door to clear the suspicions. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Shhhh..." Adam went through his mom's toilet bag and found a comb. 

"Noooo... I hate that shit. It hurts."

Adam looked at him, and he shut his mouth, pouting. _Okay, god damn it._ Adam brushed his fingers through his hair a few times to get the worst of the tangles out of it, then started combing his hair. 

And yeah, it hurt. He had hated all those times his mom had brushed his hair for family photos. He messed it up for a reason. He didn't like straight and flat. He liked puffy and weird. Tommy grabbed Adam's wrist when it hurt too much, but Adam just used his other hand to free himself of Tommy's hold, and then continued. 

It took Adam maybe ten minutes to go through the whole mess, and when he was finished he pulled Tommy up and pushed him in front of the mirror again. Adam had used products too, but the look was much softer, making Tommy seem even more androgynous than usual. 

"Do you mind looking pretty?" Adam asked, standing behind him, holding his waist with both hands.

He didn't know. He'd heard about it often enough, though, and he'd defended himself because of it, too. 

"It's okay if you do," Adam said softly, pushing his fingers through Tommy's hair, messing it up a little. "It's okay."

He pushed Adam's hands away, and settled his hair again, made it fall the way Adam had styled it, smiling to Adam. 

Adam smiled back, then kissed his ear, hugging him from behind. 

He wanted to be who he was. He didn't want to cover anything up. Adam felt the same way, and maybe together they'd have the courage to be who they were.


	24. Chapter 24

Tommy stared at Adam in the dark corridor, smiling nervously. The school festival was on, and they were the next performers, ready to rock the stage with _Who Wants to Live Forever_ and _You Could Be Mine_. 

Cam was there too, dressed in black, wearing a funny hat and skipping classes for them. Isaac stood by her side, leaning his head on her shoulder. 

Tommy had meant to ask a million times how they knew each other. There had to be a juicy story there. 

Adam was so nervous he couldn't hold still, and it made Tommy secretly pleased. He loved to see Adam's vulnerable sides because then he didn't feel so intimidated by all the sides that made his knees weak. 

"I've done theater," Adam said, sounding pained. "Why am I like this now?"

"You'll be fine," Tommy said, grabbing the back of Adam's neck and pulling him closer, their foreheads touching. "Breathe."

Adam laughed, but said nothing, just breathed with Tommy, grabbing Tommy's neck in return. 

"Okay, you're next," their music teacher said, standing on the stairs that led to the stage. "Break a leg!"

Isaac was the first to enter the stage, Cam following him, and then Tommy took his place at the front. The gym was full of people, but they were mostly talking to each other, waiting for things to start. A few were clapping. Tommy looked at the red and blue decorations, the lanterns they'd been working on at art class, and all the wild things people were wearing, masks included. 

It was an arts festival with a medieval theme. 

Then Cam started playing and singing the first part of _Who Wants to Live Forever_ , and Adam came on stage, dressed in a white frilly shirt and a black vest, his boots open over his tight pants. When he started to sing Tommy knew all his fears were gone because he sounded powerful and warm like he knew exactly what the audience wanted. 

After the song ended, everyone was silent for a moment, and then they started cheering like crazy. 

Adam turned to look at Tommy, and it was clear that this meant everything to Adam, too. This was where they wanted to be. This was what they loved. 

"Thank you," Adam said to the microphone, then wiped sweat off his forehead, and Isaac started the drum beat of the next song. 

It was Tommy's turn to shine, and he played the guitar solo of the beginning of _You Could Be Mine_ to the best of his ability, moving to the music, loving every second of it. 

At some point, Adam leaned against his shoulder, then pulled at his hair playfully, and to his surprise it turned him on. 

He hadn't known he liked stage play, too.

When they got off the stage everyone was clapping their hands, some of them whistling, too, and it was the best feeling in the whole wide world because Adam was there, and they were sharing this, and it meant they would be a part of each other's lives in the future too. Tommy beamed, jumping Adam the moment they were out of sight. His arms and legs were around Adam, and Adam's hands were holding his ass, and they were kissing, and nothing could've stopped that from happening. 

Their music teacher cleared his throat, and they let go of each other at the same time, embarrassed as hell. "Let's pretend I didn't see anything," the teacher said, then paused, smiling, waiting for them to get over the initial embarrassment. "Congratulations. That was one of the best performances in the history of this school. Now go, enjoy the rest of the festival." 

Adam was so surprised his mouth was wide open, and Tommy was grinning like a maniac. "Thank you," Adam said, sounding so grateful it almost hurt Tommy. "We will. And... yeah, thank you." 

The day went by in a flash because they were enjoying it so much. Cam spent the whole day with them, and everyone seemed to be fascinated by her because she was older and she had a mysterious air about her. Tommy felt a little proud to call her his friend. 

Everything was also weird because people came to pat their backs, and they talked to Adam like he was someone amazingly talented, like he was special. And every time someone approached them Tommy was ready to bite their head off in case they said something awful, yet it didn't happen, not once, not during that day. 

When they got home Adam fell on his bed, sprawling, so exhausted he closed his eyes and just lay there. 

Cam and Isaac had left, and they were alone for the first time that day. There was a weird buzz under Tommy's skin, and he didn't know what to do with it. He didn't know what it was. 

"Come here," Adam said to him quietly, not opening his eyes, just holding out his hand. 

Tommy hesitated. It was so bad, that weird, weird feeling. 

When nothing happened Adam let his hand drop, propped himself up on his elbows, and stared at Tommy with concerned eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know." He wasn't even breathing anymore. 

"You're freaking out. Why are you freaking out? It was a perfect day. We did it together. We're awesome. We can do this. We're gonna be big. What's wrong, baby?"

Tommy worried his lip, rigid and afraid. "I don't know. If I knew I'd tell you."

"Hey..." Adam sat up, looking at him carefully. "It's okay. Everything's fine. I promise."

He didn't feel like everything was fine. He felt like... like Adam didn't need him anymore. "I... I need to go." He turned around, ready to open the door when he felt Adam behind him, pushing the door closed with one flat palm. 

"Talk to me."

He didn't want to talk. It was embarrassing enough to think about those things. He didn't want Adam to know what a selfish bastard he was. "Let me go."

"You made me talk. You promised you'd think about things, that you'd talk, too. What's going on, Tommy? One perfect day can't destroy everything."

He turned around. Adam was standing so close he had to look up, had to tilt his head back, and that gave him enough time to think what he was going to say. It still didn't help. "You don't need me anymore."

"What?" Adam looked more than surprised. It was like Tommy's words had cracked open his whole face, like there wasn't a universe where those words would be true. 

It should've been enough to convince Tommy, but it wasn't. "All this time, I've been special to you because I get you. I've been the only one. You'll see... They'll want to know you. And you'll want to let them."

"Um... You're not making any sense." Adam sounded desperate. "Seriously. Nothing's changed. You're still the only one who gets me. And even if you weren't it wouldn't change the fact that I love you."

All the insecurities he'd ever felt were on the surface now. Tommy couldn't understand why. "Everyone's going to see how awesome you are. They'll all want you. I'm nothing compared to them, and you'll see that when you start noticing how interested the world is."

"Oh... You're rewriting the future already." Adam snorted, sounding a little pissed, too. "Or you think that if they don't bully me anymore I want to be their friends and I'll forget all about you because little old you has nothing to offer anymore. Is that it?"

Tommy stared at Adam, biting his teeth together. He was getting angry too. He didn't like to be mocked, not when he was trying to figure out what was messing with his head, trying to share it, trying to be open. "Fuck you," he said between his teeth. 

"Really?" Adam smacked the door next to his head, but he didn't even flinch. "What part of 'I love you' don't you understand? I don't care about who loves me as long as you do. I don't care about fame or being adored by millions. I care about music. I want to do what we did together today. That's what I want. And I don't care if I don't need you to protect my fragile ego anymore. It won't stop me from needing you otherwise. You're such a shithead for even thinking that this matters."

"You say that now, but when you meet all those interesting people--"

Adam put a finger over his lips. "I have a badass ninja guitarist boyfriend who talks about his feelings and lets me cuddle him, and who walks to the bathroom with my come leaking out of his ass without even blinking because he's so fucking awesome. Don't ever doubt me when I say he's the most important person in my life. Nothing's gonna change that. I know things will be different. I know we'll do all kinds of crazy shit. I know we'll meet people, strange people, cool people, sweet people, and we'll fight, and it's not gonna be easy always, but most of the time, Tommy, most of the time it's gonna be glorious."

He just stared at Adam, his mouth open. 

"I know you have trust issues. I know you think you're not worth this. But to me you are everything."

Tommy blinked, trying to fight the stupid emotional shit he wasn't ready to show Adam. He didn't want Adam to know how to break him to pieces. Yet, Adam knew. "Okay," he said stupidly, breathing through all the feelings. 

Adam grinned. "You have no idea how much I would just like to keep you to myself. I can't be that possessive. Can't. Won't. But I want to. It's not healthy. And I'm telling you now to never let me try to own you, okay? But I want you to know that it's there. I don't want anyone touching you, ever. And I probably have to let that happen." The grin wouldn't go away no matter how serious Adam became. "This could go so wrong. I won't let that happen because I don't want to lose you, but I want you to know that I'm crazy about you, totally, completely crazy about you. And this life isn't long enough for me to show you what that means and how much I want to spend every second with you. There's not a thing in this world that could matter more. So stop being stupid and look at me, look at us."

"Oh..." He sagged against the door, all that weird buzz leaving his mind and body. 

"Yeah... You're being stupid, Tommy Joe." Adam leaned closer, whispering in his ear, "You own my heart."

He smiled. He couldn't help it. 

"And it's terrible to be anywhere near you and not be able to touch you. I want you all the time. I can barely keep my hands off you at school. Today on that stage I almost kissed you because you reacted the way you did. I pulled your hair and your knees buckled. That's perfect. You're perfect."

Adam's words affected him, made his breath catch, and he wanted Adam to lean against him, but all he got were those whispered words, soft against his sensitive skin. He clenched his hands into fists, trying to hold back. 

"I want you naked right now, too. Even though Mom and Dad are downstairs and Neil is just two doors away. I love the way you respond to everything, like now, I can feel how my words affect you, how much you want me to touch you. I don't know if it's like this for everyone, and I really don't care, but I know that this is what I want. This is what I dreamed of. You make everything better. So much better. And if I do this," Adam licked his ear and Tommy gasped, hitting the door with his fists, "you feel it in your toes. You feel me. And you like it."

"I get your point," he said, breathing hard.

Adam laughed. "Do you? Tell me what it is?"

"It's as good for you as it is for me." He spoke quickly because he didn't know if his voice would work long enough. 

"What else?" Adam whispered, his lips brushing against Tommy's ear. 

God, Adam was trying to kill him. "I should trust you."

"Yeah." The word felt like a caress, and Tommy let out a sigh of relief. "You should know by now that I'm not with you because I see something in you that's not there. I'm with you because you are who you are. I love _you_."

That hurt. 

Adam kissed his temple, then looked into his eyes. "I want you to think about it whenever you feel like you're not worth this, think about the fact that I love you. Because it's true. Another person sees you, and loves what he sees. You can't argue with that."

Now he was getting embarrassed. He pushed at Adam because he wanted out, but Adam wouldn't move. Tommy knew how he'd get free, but he didn't want to fight. He didn't want to take this either. "Let me go."

Adam took a step back, watching him. "You think I hate this? That this is somehow tiring to me?"

Tommy nodded. Wasn't it obvious? He sucked at this. He was questioning everything Adam felt, and Adam was being way too patient with him, and it couldn't continue like this forever. 

"I'll let you in on a secret," Adam whispered. "I'm so happy you're not perfect. You have no idea how intimidated by you I was in the beginning. Sometimes, I still am." Adam paused, reaching out, touching the side of his head, and Tommy let him. "You have no idea how much I love it that you talk to me. I love talking if you haven't noticed, and I know you don't, and you still talk to me. You share. And every time you do I feel like I'm special to you. Not everyone gets to hear what goes on inside your head. I do. You let me in, and that means the world to me." 

Maybe their insecurities couldn't destroy what they had. Maybe they would only bring them closer. The idea was out of this world to Tommy even though his parents had survived such horrible things together. "I wanna believe you," he finally said. That was all he could give right now. 

Adam smiled. "It's enough."

"Really?" He stared at Adam, not daring to touch him. 

"Yes." Adam let his hand slide down Tommy's jaw to his throat. "Really."

He bit his lip, then smiled, tilting his head back a little so Adam could hold him properly. This was good, so, so good. "Kiss me."

Adam did, long and slow, taking his time, and it tasted like precious obsession.


	25. Epilogue

_Venice, ten years later_

He blinked a few times against the sunlight that was peeking through the closed curtains. Tommy was grateful Adam always remembered to close them no matter where they were, but Adam just never remembered to be careful enough with them - or maybe he liked to watch the sun on Tommy's skin. 

He didn't know, and right now he couldn't ask because Adam wasn't there. 

Tommy stretched, lazy as hell and aching in all the right ways. His wrists had Adam's fingerprints on them, and he pulled them closer, kissed the skin before getting up. 

He was naked so he found Adam's T-shirt, pulled his briefs on, and walked to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth, took a leak, and then decided not to take a shower because he didn't want to wash Adam off his skin, not just yet. He would be alone the whole day because Adam was doing interviews with Isaac. 

The hotel breakfast was already over and his stomach was growling, but he didn't want to go outside. He tried to fight it, distracting himself with reading while lying on the bed, but soon he had to give up. He dressed in his skinny jeans, left Adam's T-shirt on, found his sunglasses, and wiggled his feet into the black flip flops with white skulls on them. He smiled to his mirror image because he looked like a debauched rockstar. 

Adam's shirt had a wide neckline and his shoulder was peeking from under it, but he didn't care. It was dark gray, and it smelled like Adam. He felt comfortable in it. 

Danielle had told them to go to the cafe on Piazza San Marco so he navigated there. He always used landmarks to find his way, but Adam created a clear map in his head, knowing exactly where what was at any given moment once he'd been somewhere for a few precious moments. Tommy had never understood how he was able to do that, and when Adam had tried to explain to him something about how streets were squares in most places and all you had to do was think about compass points Adam had lost him. He just couldn't do it. So he knew where that one mask shop was and then that funny-looking church and then the two small bridges, and he was pretty much where he wanted to be. And of course he could see the Campanile. That helped. 

_Caffe Florian_ didn't shun him even though he didn't look nice and easy. The waiter smiled a wide white-teeth smile, guided him to his window table, and recommended the traditional breakfast. He took that, expecting to get something nice, but he wasn't prepared for the large silver tiered serving tray full of fresh fruits, toast, different jams, pastries, and other sweets Tommy couldn't even name. His coffee smelled delicious, and he was pretty sure he was drooling. 

He needed Adam to eat the food with him. If he ate all this alone he'd roll down the narrow streets to one of the canals. 

Tommy dug out his phone, and sent Adam a short message: _Wanna save me from stuffing myself?_

He drank his coffee while waiting for Adam's answer, stealing a few strawberries, too. After a few minutes he got an answer: _If you do the next interview with us. :) Love you._

Blackmail. Adam knew he hated those things, but Adam kept insisting he was great in interviews, and that they really needed to bring the whole band to the front every once in a while. He bit his lip, thinking. The worst that could happen was him choking up, and Adam was there to save him. _Caffe Florian awaits you._

It only took two seconds for Adam to send him: _That better be a yes. <3_

Tommy grinned. _It's a disgruntled yes._

Adam's only answer was: _I love you._

When Adam walked into the cafe Tommy pretended he didn't see him. He was hiding behind his sunglasses, sipping his coffee when Adam sat down and ordered himself a cup of tea. Adam and his tea - Tommy bit his lip so he wouldn't grin. 

"You're wearing bracelets," Adam said as a greeting, and Tommy's mind dived into the gutter. He was hard in an instant, his breath hitching, and he was glad he was leaning his elbows against the table because that hid most of it. God damn it, Adam. 

He wanted to scratch his wrists, the fingerprints there. He wanted Adam to know that he knew what Adam meant. "Don't wanna share," he said quietly, willing his body to quiet down. 

Adam didn't have to say anything, yet he heard it anyway. _Good boy._ He wondered just how much Adam manipulated him on a daily basis. He was such a willing play thing, though. 

"Are you gonna take me on a gondola ride?" Tommy asked, sounding cheeky.

The waiter brought Adam's tea, and he thanked him, then turned all his attention back to Tommy. "You'd like that?"

He didn't want to nod, but he did anyway. "I wanna hold your hand under the blanket," he said with a shit-eating grin. 

Again he heard Adam's silent: _It's something else you want to hold under that blanket._

Tommy nodded because Adam was right. 

"I like the shirt." Adam took a strawberry from the tray and ate it, licked his fingers too after finishing it. "Looks good on you."

He smiled because there was no time or space where he'd ever get used to Adam sweet-talking him. "Smells good too," he said softly. 

They ate in silence for a while. Adam was clearly hungry, and Tommy guessed he'd missed the hotel breakfast, too.

"So," Adam said, staring at him with an intense look in his eyes. "You're coming with me? It'd be the whole band. Please?"

He bit his lip. If Cam and Ashley were there, too, he could do it. "They'll ask intrusive questions, you know that."

"And we'll answer them. We have nothing to hide." Adam took his hand, held it between his own. "Please?"

The puppy eyes finished him off every time, and Adam knew that. He shrugged. "Okay..."

He could feel the surge of energy in Adam. It was overwhelming really, and all he wanted to do was move closer, bury his face in Adam's scent. 

"Thank you, baby." Adam kissed his knuckles, then released his hand, asked for the check, and paid the bill. Then Adam was ushering him out of the cafe, walking him through the pillar corridors, and soon they were entering an old palazzo that had been transformed into an office with a nice studio at the top floor. 

He soon had another tasty coffee in his hand, and ten people had already shook his hand. They all spoke melodic English, and it was a little hard for him to understand them, but they seemed nice - even the interviewer who was maybe two or three years younger than them. 

Isaac, Cam and Ashley were already there, and they greeted Tommy with hugs and kisses, and then they were all guided to a lovely corner with a large window, a few beautiful old chairs, and a live tree. There were only three chairs, but they preferred it that way, always had. Cam sat in Isaac's lap, Ashley pulled her chair close to their seat, and Adam pulled Tommy onto his lap, holding his waist a little too hard, grounding Tommy.

The interviewer smiled, her brown eyes gentle. Otherwise she was energetic and driven, the kind of person Tommy could deal with in small doses. Adam was his only exception because Adam knew how to let him be, too.

She asked about their latest album, the photo shoot they were going to do in Venice, the concert they were having in Florence after their time in this old city, all the regular things everyone asked, and then she asked something nobody had asked them before, and it wasn't like they had been hiding it, just not flaunting it around. 

"So, are you two together?" She looked at Tommy, and he knew he couldn't hide how he felt. Adam's fingers dug into his skin, and he appreciated it. People weren't that interested in them, just their music, and it had always been so. This might make them more interested, even though they'd always been vocal about the rights of minorities. 

He turned to look at Adam, twisting his neck, and Adam was smiling such a bright smile. 

"Isn't it obvious?" Adam said. "He's my high school sweetheart." 

Tommy's heart skipped all the needed beats to keep the blood flowing to his brain, and he felt light-headed. He hid his face in Adam's neck for a moment, just to gather his wits. He was a private person, had always been, and Adam knew that. Sometimes he still chose to do this for him. 

"Whoa," the interviewer said, sounding sweet and surprised at the same time. "You've... Oh my god, that's so lovely. Are you getting this?" 

Tommy looked at the interviewer in time to see that she was talking to the camera man. Tommy was giving them a perfect material to spread. He cursed himself, but Adam just said, "Isn't it. We think so. It's our ten year anniversary soon."

"What's your secret in keeping it fresh?"

That was just stupid. There was no secret. 

"He's the secret," Adam said, his voice soft next to the shaved side of Tommy's head. "He's such an intriguing person who never reveals too much of himself. Every day is like a little adventure." 

"He's patient," Tommy said to his and everyone else's surprise. "And he likes me the way I am."

"Loves," Adam corrected, then kissed the side of his head. 

The interviewer looked like a little girl who'd found a treasure. Tommy guessed she had just realized she was the first one getting this. "Can you tell us something more: how you met, who you were back then, what happened?"

Adam did most of the talking, but Tommy filled in some of the details, laughing and grinning, reacting to everything Adam said, and he'd never been this relaxed in an interview. 

"Awwww..." The interviewer smiled to Tommy, and he'd never seen anyone react like that to them, not since they told his mom that they were moving in together and Adam had promised to take care of him for the rest of his life. His mom had believed him, and maybe Tommy had too. Their friends had been accepting and loving, but most of the world wasn't like this girl in front of them now. She acted like their story was equal to any great love story out there. It didn't matter one bit to her that they were gay. She leaned closer to them, whispering, "My sister is getting married this weekend in Spain. Her girlfriend is one of my best friends." Then she sat back again, going through her notes. When she looked up her eyes were a little guarded. "Would you mind talking about rehab?" she asked Tommy. 

He could've said no. She would've let him. He shook his head instead. 

"Do you know why you started drinking?" 

He wasn't going to share everything, but some things were not off limits. "It happened so gradually, but I think most of it was because I wanted to ease the stage fright. I love it, but the few hours before going to the stage kill me every time."

"Why?"

"Because I think they might hate us, that I might mess up, that it's not what I'm supposed to do, that I'm not good at it, not good enough."

"Oh..." She leaned her elbows against her knees, resting her chin on her crossed fingers. "How did you stop? How did you realize it wasn't... normal anymore?"

"I didn't. They did." Tommy waved his hand in a circle, meaning the band and Adam. "I'm not very good at noticing what I need or if there's something wrong with me."

"How long have you been sober?" 

He looked at Adam who said right away, "A year and a half... and a week and two days."

"How do you live with that? Is it a struggle you face every day, or a distant buzz at the back of your brain, something you can ignore?"

Tommy thought about it for a moment. "Neither. It's a constant reminder that I screwed up."

Adam's hand on his waist tightened its grip, and he knew what Adam was thinking. He was fine, though. 

"What do you mean?"

"I have pretty high standards for myself, and that went below everything. I hurt people around me, and I did it without even realizing it. I was careless, and I can't stand hurting anyone so yeah... took me a while to get over that."

"Did you get over it?" She was quiet, careful, her energy levels lower now that she was getting him to talk, and Tommy realized he actually liked her. 

He grinned. "I'm a work in progress." 

Adam put both his arms around his waist, and rested his chin on Tommy's shoulder. "He's modest, too. When he sets his mind to something he does it. He's always been like that. He's doing well."

He blushed, and fuck, they got that on camera, too. 

"So... Would you like to talk about the video you're shooting in Sweden next month?" 

Isaac and Ashley got into a heated conversation about it because they still had differing opinions about how they should enhance the message of the song, and Tommy watched them, loving every second of it. They were good together, all of them, and they'd survived the times of doubt and fear of never finding any kind of success. Here they were, doing what they loved with people they were comfortable with. 

When the interview was over Isaac, Ashley and Cam wanted to go to a restaurant, but Adam wanted to take Tommy back to the hotel. He had absolutely nothing against it. 

They walked hand in hand, ignoring the few looks they got, and when they reached the hotel Adam guided him through the lobby, his hand at the small of Tommy's back. In the elevator Adam kissed him because there was no one there. It was possessive and needy, but still had a gentle undertone. Tommy melted into the kiss because this was home. He loved Adam's mouth on his.

In their room, Adam grabbed the front of Tommy's shirt and pulled Tommy to the balcony. It had always been easy to follow Adam, and he hadn't regretted it once. This was where he wanted to be. 

Adam crowded Tommy against the railing, his chest against Tommy's back. They could see the city, and Tommy breathed in the air that smelled like the sea. Adam knew he hated heights, but this was something they did, challenged their weaknesses. They'd always done it. Adam had taught him to swim. He had taught Adam to defend himself. 

"I want to marry you one day," Adam said close to his ear. 

Tommy let Adam take his hands, let him put them against his chest, over his heart. They'd talked about this from time to time, and Adam knew his answer would be yes if he ever asked. 

"Are you upset about the interview, people knowing?" Adam kissed the skin behind his ear. 

He smiled. "As if they haven't guessed already. No, it's fine." 

"You did well today. Gorgeous. So honest. And you were relaxed. You liked her?"

"Yeah, I did. She was kind." He wanted Adam to turn him around and kiss him. Instead Adam took his wrists in one hand, and let the other slide down his stomach to his belt. He opened the buckle, then the button, and soon, Adam had his hand down Tommy's pants, his palm flat against Tommy's hardening cock. 

He tried not to make a sound because he knew Adam still wanted to talk. 

"She managed to make you share," Adam whispered in his ear, and he realized Adam was jealous, just a bit, enough to have him thinking about Tommy with someone else. 

Adam moved his hand, rubbed it against the length of Tommy's cock, pushing it further down his pants, cupping his balls too. Tommy bit his lip to keep the moan in. He wanted to rest his head against Adam's shoulder, but he kept staring ahead, his eyes following the boats on Canal Grande. 

"She had pretty brown eyes," Adam said, soft and dangerous, and Tommy knew where this was coming from. There were times when Adam thought Tommy would like to have a normal family, a wife and a picket fence, three kids and a minivan. Sometimes he did, but he couldn't have both, and he would choose Adam every time if he ever had to. 

He nodded, letting Adam know that he was listening. 

"Sometimes... I want you to choose that life. I want you to be the happiest you can be, and sometimes I fear I can't give you that." Adam didn't stop stroking him, and he wondered why he wanted to distract Tommy for this conversation. It was important, and it should've had all his concentration. Instead, he pushed closer to Adam, needing him, spreading his legs, rubbing against Adam's hand. "You have to tell me if you ever feel unhappy. I'll let you go, even if it kills me." Adam's words struck through him, made him cry out, and right then, Adam let go of his wrists and pushed his other hand inside his pants too, stroking his hole. 

"You didn't shower," Adam said, his voice broken. He pushed a finger inside Tommy with just a little difficulty, and Tommy let his head fall back on Adam's shoulder, moaning. "You're impossible." Adam kissed the side of his mouth. "Please choose me every time. Please."

Now he knew why Adam was distracting him: Adam was more insecure than he was willing to show. Tommy held onto the railing, letting Adam have it, have his mind, have his body, have his release, and when it was over he leaned back with his whole weight, welcoming Adam's warmth. 

Adam took him into the shower afterwards, kissing him the whole time. Then he washed Tommy with care, cleaning every part of his body, and it made him relaxed and happy. When Adam was done taking care of him Tommy pushed him against the wall and leaned against him, his head under Adam's chin. "You know, I really don't mind that the world knows about us, that it's out there. You have nothing to worry about."

"I wasn't--"

"You were. And yeah, I liked her, and she got me to talk, but before you brought it up I hadn't even thought of her in that way. Maybe someday I'll meet someone who feels like that, but it doesn't matter because I'll choose you. I'll always choose you. I love you."

Adam's hands on his waist stroked him, then rose higher, and Adam held him closer, crushing him. 

"You make me happy, but it's not even your job. I make myself happy, and you help. So quit worrying."

Adam laughed. "I just can't stand the idea of denying you anything. I want you to get everything you've ever dreamed of, and if I can't... If..."

Tommy sighed, curling his fingers in Adam's hair. "You give me more. I can't even express it, but it's more than you think. More of everything. When I'm alone you're with me. When I need courage you're there. When I think about the future and all the scary things that could happen you're helping me get through them. All I hope is that I can keep you as long as I live. The rest... will work itself out."

"Tommy..."

"I know. It's okay."

Adam put a finger under his chin and tilted his head back. The kiss was soft, gentle, coaxing, and Tommy followed the pace Adam set, their lips light and teasing against each other. The little nips and licks had Adam moaning, and Tommy grinned against his lips, knowing that he had all the power in the world now. 

Tommy pulled back, took Adam's hand, switched the shower off, and found towels for them. Then he took Adam to bed. 

He loved to let Adam rule his world, but he also loved this: Adam on his back, spread out on the white sheets, all of his tanned skin on display for Tommy. He loved this man; he loved what they had together. 

Tommy left Adam on the bed, and went to close the balcony door and the curtains, too. Then he put some music on. And he knew that all the while he was walking around Adam watched his naked ass. 

When he was ready he leaned over the bed, over Adam, and took the lube from the bedside table, popped it open and coated his fingers with it. He stood by the bed, spreading his legs, and he pushed two fingers inside himself, looking at Adam the whole time. 

Adam hadn't moved, and Tommy knew how hard that was for Adam. He hadn't even touched himself even though his fingers were spanned out over his stomach. Tommy loved him for his restraint. 

He put one knee on the bed, then crawled over to Adam, and straddled his hips. Adam pulled his hands out of the way, but didn't touch him, just watched him with dark eyes. Tommy moved his hips, his cock brushing against Adam's, and Adam bit his lip but didn't move otherwise. 

Tommy took the bottle of lube again, got his fingers wet, and wrapped them around Adam's cock, then both of them, rubbing them against each other. Adam couldn't hold still, thrusting up and into Tommy's fist, but Tommy stopped moving, stayed still until Adam was able to control himself again. 

He pushed two fingers back inside him, then three, his mouth open, his eyes on Adam, and when he was ready he positioned Adam just right, and pushed back, spreading around Adam, letting him in. He tried to be quiet too, because a part of this was about that, a part of him wanted it to be that intense, but he couldn't hold back the groan when Adam was finally inside him, filling him. He tried to breathe, but his lungs weren't working, and he was completely rigid until Adam's fingers brushed his throat and chest, and he was able to take a long broken breath. 

"Beautiful," Adam said to him, and he wanted Adam to be quiet. He couldn't do this if Adam talked. He'd need Adam to take over. 

He put his hand over Adam's mouth, then moved his hips, slow, and he had to close his eyes because it felt too good. Adam took hold of his waist to steady him, and he smiled, thanking Adam that way, moving without effort now that he didn't need to worry about balance. 

Tommy held the pace as long as he could, then let Adam pull him down into a kiss, let Adam move under him, thrust into him, and it felt like love. Adam stroked his back, a gentle touch that drove Tommy closer to the edge, and it never changed into anything else. Adam even kept the pace, soft and maddening, and that's why it lasted longer, made Tommy squirm and moan and plead. 

He wanted to come, but he didn't want to touch himself, didn't want Adam to touch him either. He wanted Adam to draw the orgasm out of him. He couldn't see anything, and all he could feel was Adam around him, everywhere, his scent surrounding him. He wanted to come, and he pleaded for Adam to make it happen. 

Adam kissed his cheek, pushed his hair back, and moved with Tommy in a way that made his body tremble, made him weak with need, made him beg. Adam pulled almost entirely out of him, then pushed back in, made him take it, every inch of him, so good he might just die. Then he felt it, felt the fire in his belly. "Oh god... please." He wanted nothing but to come, wanted Adam to take him there. 

"Baby, you're so gorgeous like this. Let me see you. Please." Adam was touching his face, a thumb caressing his lower lip. "Tommy..."

His world exploded because he could feel how close Adam was, and then nothing was holding him back, and he was coming, crying out, Adam's tongue along with his fingers pushing inside his mouth. He couldn't stop shaking, couldn't stop his crazy heart from beating against his rib cage. Adam's hand was at the small of his back, holding him down, and he smiled, happy, anchored to here and now. 

He rested his head against Adam's chest, his breaths finally steadying. 

"That..." Adam pulled Tommy's hand to his lips, and kissed his knuckles, "was amazing."

He was totally boneless, but he managed to give Adam the thumbs up. 

"I love you."

Tommy smiled, his eyes closed. He drew a heart on Adam's shoulder, and got a laugh out of Adam. 

"And you're adorable too." Adam moved a little, pulled out of Tommy gently, and then held him close, his arms around him. 

Yeah, he could live on top of Adam. Nothing could make him happier. "I'mma make a nest here," he muttered, and Adam snorted. "Comfy." He wanted to fall asleep, but at the same time he wanted to stay awake to keep Adam company. "I love our life."

"Me too." 

"Don't want a picket fence with anyone but you." He pushed his hands into Adam's thick hair. "Kids, minivan... with you only."

Adam's hold on him tightened. 

"So yeah, keep coming home, and I'll be here."

"Thank you." Adam's voice was full of love and quiet ache.

"See, I told you I'd make a great wife someday. I can cook. I love kids. I'm a great lay. No need to worry. Just come home."

Adam kissed his head, stroking his back. "I will. Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally done. I started writing this in December, thinking that it would be a short little story. I had just finished NaNoWriMo, and thought I couldn't write another long fic after that. Well, here we are four months later. I've loved writing these two. I don't think I've ever enjoyed writing a story as much as I've enjoyed writing this. They were so young and so innocent and so eager and open... And they'd already seen the dark sides of the world. And they found each other. This is how important we are to the people we meet. Thank you for following this story. It has meant a lot to me to have people reading it while I wrote it. *hugs* It's sad to say goodbye to them, but I feel like I got to see enough of their future to know that they'll be good to each other even when they face obstacles. 
> 
> Also, "I'm a work in progress." is from the Vampire Diaries and said by Damon. It's pretty common probably, but that's where I heard it, and it fit. I had to use it. :)
> 
> And the title of the whole story comes from the show How I Met Your Mother because I'd just been watching it when I started writing this story and loved the show (still do). 
> 
> Thank you.


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